As a kid and all my young adult life, I was extremely shy. I couldn’t go into a space if I didnt know anyone. I couldn’t start a conversation with a stranger. I wouldn’t go on a stage. I was always on the back burner. I wouldn’t say shit even if my mouth was full of it. I was invisible and I liked it. I put everyone’s needs above my own, avoided confrontation and took whatever was dealt my way without incident. I bottled everything!
I really don’t know how it changed. Perhaps being an advocate for my children? That Mama Bear syndrome! I’m sure age and self esteem played a role. Somewhere between thirty and forty it stopped. I wasn’t afraid anymore. I now have opinions, real strong ones, I don’t care what strangers think. I can speak in front of a group and initiate a conversation.
I could be considered selfish, but my selfish is probably for the best. It’s not the type of selfish that lacks consideration for others. My selfish has been earned. It is more of a, put myself first for once. I have learned to say no, and guide my own time. I enjoy controlling my life. I do hate being wrong or being told what to do.
This selfish has been earned.
This selfish makes me a better person.
This selfish will stand up for others.
This selfish is loyal.
This selfish is just enough to give me balance.
Momma Wouldn't Say 