Not Toddlers Anymore

A lot of people write about parenting the toddler. The napping, toileting, funny antics, firsts. What about our grown children? We are still parents. We are no longer expected by society to do anything for them. Our goal was to get them there, hopefully unscathed.

Sometimes they reach out for advice, maybe it is not what they want to hear. Many times they didn’t ask for the advice. Nonetheless we still parent. We still want the world for them, we would still take a bullet for them.

It is a very different road, and different for everyone. It still surprises me, the stories friends share of their journey with their children. Each child’s journey is very different. Which also surprises me. I mean they were all raised in the same house by the same parents.

So how do we do it? What is the secret?

No big secret, there is no formula. Just like a toddler, all trial and error. Each child is an individual. If it was easy, there would be a manual. That being said, this is what i know:

Every external influence in their lives will affect their perceptions and ideas.

They will surprise you-the princess will wear track pants, the athelete will hang up their gear, the invisible, angry child will grow a social conscience.

They all remember childhood events differently

They will disappoint you

They will surpass your expectations

They will assert their dominance over their own life

They will hurt your feelings

You absolutely should:

Step back and even out of their lives so they can do it on their own

Let them fail (do not say I told you so)

Smile and nod

Bite your tongue (until it bleeds)

Listen (do not speak)

Cry with them

Always love

Parenting a grown up does not hold the same responsibilities those little cherubs needed. Their chubby little fingers are no longer there for you to hold. Your heart will only get bigger with the love you always have for them. You have to be the silent cheerleader, rooting for them in the back of the room. Your silent tears for every milestone they surpass. Hopefully you are a person they hope to be like. I hope they become far better than I ever was. Most importantly, I hope my love for them is felt forever and they never doubt that love.

Really that is it, they are not for you to control. You are just the home beacon, the place they can always come and know they will be welcome.