Intentions

I am different! On self reflection and comparison over the past three years, this year is different. I don’t hyper focus like I did before. I’ve tried to decide if it is tied to the weather and I must admit, that still plays a major factor, that is not gone! It absolutely has to do with coping. I am not burying my head in the sand. My circle is the same size and I try to spread myself evenly without being too thin. I attempt to have something to look forward to every month. I certainly speak, which I find I had become silent the last few years. Not following my own advice! A lot of my compulsions are semi silent, and I even have let some things slide, that I wouldn’t before. Even though my lack of sleep still exists, I have actually slept more than I ever have in the past.

Is that the secret, more sleep? Am I putting on blinders to the doom and gloom and not dealing with reality? Maybe I am shrouding my heart to protect it from damage. Keeping away from the nay sayers? It all just may have been too big for me to even realize, something triggering negative emotions. I don’t know, but it has been good!

Peace is in my life. I try to avoid the foreboding feeling I get when things go well.. When anxiety sneaks up on me, and it does, I stuff it down until I can vent or talk it out with someone. That is a major part of my problem, I would save it all up for certain life lines in my circle, and I just don’t see them enough to get it out in manageable bits. More of a waterfall, and dominos. I have turned to hubby, he has been instrumental in this transition. We have always conquered the world separately together, but we are more of a team this year. I need to allow myself that, not get buried under all of it. I am taking a page out of my son’s life, borrowing his rose coloured glasses. Life is good!