Mommy Guilt

Why do woman carry the weight of the world on our shoulders? We don’t feel good, we still struggle through daily tasks and meals, if it is humanly possible. The past is not consistent with our role. Sometimes we are depicted as feeble, swooning, weak and even a bit ditsy. Then another minute we are carrying water and gathering food, with children affixed to our sides. The mom role changes as well. How were you raised? I don’t remember being told I couldn’t because I was a girl. Momma would often tell me things weren’t lady like, chomping gum, spitting, swearing. I don’t remember a real division in our home, both parents cooked, worked, shopped, did dishes. We did have a cleaning day that mom and I did and dad worked on our vehicles. If I wanted to help on the vehicle, that was okay as long as I didn’t repeat the words I heard. As for my grandmothers, one liked quiet little princesses, spoke in hushed tones, and the other ran her house and it was quite clear, she washed, baked, hung laundry outside, scrubbed. She would give you your opinion, and might sock you if you didn’t agree. I definitely come from a line of fierce woman.

My grandmother raised eight and the other five. My own Momma raised one, somehow I had to figure out how to raise three. Being the rebel it had to be the new face of motherhood and a perfect blend of my female role models. Control all the situations, with a quiet voice. Hear all the secrets and still be a safe place to land.

Lesson number one, never give a consequence during the initial confrontation. When feelings are hot, it is not time to decide your child’s fate.

Number two, grounding a child, keeps you inside. Not fun, their consequence shouldn’t punish you.

Three, hit them where it hurts. Take away favourites, internet, game systems, an event or play date.

Lesson four, their pain, your gain. Get them to do the not so fun jobs, cleaning up dog doo, wiping walls, folding laundry.

My favourite, make it educational. Write a letter of apology, an essay, lines. One of my kids has the best printing!

You want to avoid the mom guilt that comes with making them sad, I know. I will tell you not making them accountable will create a monster. Bellowing out consequences that you have no intention of maintaining does nothing in the long run. They will not take you seriously, and they will be out of control. You need to find the balance, micro managing doesn’t help either. Kids afraid of getting in trouble just get better at lying and being sneaky. Just like a relationship, they should know what your deal breakers are. You will not end up with perfection, nobody is, but life will be manageable and that’s all we can really ask for.