No Sleep

My soul is ready for summer, I have a sleep deficit going on right now! I was up at 3, I was not tired, I still am not tired. I will be, in about 2 hours and that will mess up my evening. I have too many things in my brain, no sense tossing, I got up and went for a walk. Not outside! It was 3 am and it was dark and there was frost! I went on goggle and looked up my childhood address and walked to my first elementary school. I went the regular way and the back way. It was fifty years ago and I waked it on autopilot, I didn’t have to look anything up. The manhole where I muddied my rubber boots is still there, the park with the pony rides, the fire station, even the low cement walls I balanced on instead of the sidewalk. I wish google would let me go to the ravine our school backed on to. The hill we slid down every winter and there was at least 2 recesses you would be guaranteed to see blood where someone fell on the ice. I wish I could go in the building into the Kindergarten class with the big cardboard blocks we built real forts with and had circle time with juice and cookies. I wish I could see my best friend Cornelia and feel that free and easy friendship children have.

I keyed in my next address, my favourite house! It wasn’t there, I was devastated! Mr. and Mrs. Wilson’s house next door was still there but our house has been replaced by a huge monstrosity made of brick, it probably takes from the huge back yard because it is so large. When my daughter went to University in Toronto, I had her take me and Momma to our old neighborhoods because I haven’t been there since I had moved away. It was there then, and I did get a picture, at least I have that. I felt robbed though, not able to see it again. My street has sidewalks, they sure didn’t when I lived there, I still have gravel in my knee from wiping out learning to ride a bike. My school was gone when my daughter took us, now there is a new school I guess. The park is still there and the train tracks, it wasn’t the same though and I felt the loss of childhood. It was my favourite, the place, the school, the person I was then.

I have lived here longer than anywhere else, and yet I still call Ontario back home. Almost all of my mom and dad’s relatives are here, even when I go stateside and they ask where I am from, I have to stop myself from saying Ontario. It’s funny here in NB I didn’t expect to stay in one spot all this time. When the kids were growing up I know I didn’t want them shuffled around, but even now, wouldn’t hurt to have some changes. Hubby is a creature of habit, so you’ll know where to find me. Cleaning, most likely, as it is a lot of house! There is always yard work, pool work and sometimes seething because of the things I can’t do myself. I can get real impatient waiting for projects that I can only stare at! Another good thing about this weather, I can hop in the car or like this early AM, I can always go for a walk…