Middle Ground

I am who I am, not the most flexible, I bend but my internal dialogue drones on and on. My husband used to quote a saying, “stay where you’re at, I’ll come where you’re to. “ This also counts for someone’s mindset not just their location. The mind bends but not while someone is stuck in a certain mindset. When they are stuck dealing we can adjust ourselves to meet them where they are so we can help them recover. This is the quickest way to help.

It’s like when someone throws up, you can’t stop it, you just hold their hair. When someone gives birth, you have no control over that. You hold a hand, rub a back, breathe with someone in hopes they will focus and get through it. My generation was told to control our human reactions, to present ourselves in a certain way, emotions were made to feel like a weakness. I know feelings are big, I still believe that reactions can be adjusted. Not everything warrants a full melt down. So being taught what is and isn’t a big deal is also important. It is not a teachable moment during the moment, but definitely after.

Emotions is a hard one for everyone, it’s okay to say we are going to revisit this later, to yourself, or a confrontation with your spouse or explosive behaviour of your child. You can say, this is not okay, but we will talk about it later. I find when people close to me are having feelings, I can not think, I can not react, I kind of shut down. Like slow mo, and I like to walk away and figure out how I feel, not my auto reaction, but my authentic feelings. Some times I choose opposite just because, so taking a moment gives perspective. Distance is always a good idea, “I’m gonna give you minute!” “I’m gonna take a minute!” Compromise! Harmony! Find your common denominator!