You can skate on thin ice all day long. You can zoom around living life. The hard part is existing. Being present in all the things that are happening. I got this, I got this, over and over. Then doubts come, well if this happens I will lose my shit, it’s okay unless this happens, one more thing on the plate and you tip. The plate is full, and you become part of the plate. You are now on someone else’s plate. Some helpful you were! Not for lack of trying though, not intentional. You were the buffer for everyone.
My dog is now a type one diabetic. That is the only thing I am saying out loud right now, other things are swirling but that one is now. I took the information I was given and fed it to the family members like ice cream, small scoops. Don’t give anyone brain freeze, save that for yourself. Complications, life span, cost, care, responsibility all little bites. That’s what moms do. Don’t upset the apple art, don’t through the baby out with the bath water. Sugar coat and smile damn it.
I had a lovely visit with a friend tonight and I said something about not tapping out because what if something worse comes along? She said, “ You worry about that if it happens.” There I am, in a nutshell, anxious about stuff that could happen. In the same breath, I am telling myself, there are far worse things that could happen. So I sit with my glass half full and my full plate. I eat the frog legs first and choke back leftovers and pray for strength to ask for the cookies I need.
Momma Wouldn't Say 