I’ve gotten myself on the back burner again, I did read two novels in two days. I don’t think they were good for me. You have to be careful what you surround yourself with. Everything is at the forefront of my brain and to save my own peace, I am allowing it. I am pro at cleaning it up, cooking it up, wiping it down, stupid errands. I do it all, grudgingly. I am not saying shit about it, I am back to waiting for my turn, why do I do that. I have made plans over a dozen times this year and then let them slide away. It isn’t procrastination this time, it ‘s guilt of being selfish. When does that end?
My job is one in which I am level all day. Grounded, patient, calm, that’s how the space stays a reflection of your careful control. Come home quiet listening, take care of all the things. If you see me in my car on a quick errand, I am scream singing angry songs. I have regrets, regrets of everything I pass up. Promises I make myself, “ while I am in town, I will…. Just for a minute, for fun.” I don’t, supper has to be ready for five, the dog needs a needle at 8, or whatever else I put in front of myself.
I save everyone’s sanity, except my own. I had it down pact, I will get there again. Frustrating to say the least! I am still exhausted from that flu or whatever had a hold of me. I really think that is the problem, even when I was sick, I didn’t put me first. I did more if anything to keep the germs from getting anyone else. I need to be honest with myself and acknowledge that I need help. The bowling balls are gonna land on my head. That will be some kinda vacation eh? I’m disorganized right now, it will all work out in the end. First,I will get some sleep, things are always better in the morning.
Momma Wouldn't Say 