Missing You

Christmas is the time of year for joy, happiness and love. It is a time of year to pause, rest and rejoice. Some people have a few days to get out and see others, share food and spend time. It is also a time of remembrance, even if you avoid it in your mind, it comes unbidden. Whether you’ve lost someone, or separated by miles or just fallen out of touch, this time of year it comes to mind. Emotion and grief are hard to wear when so many others are happy. I too have suffered loss and the sting hurts a little more this time of year. I do know loss will grow the longer we are here and the list of loss will grow longer as we age.

Ignoring these feelings and pushing them away will not help. It is okay to incorporate grief into your holiday. I make and do my Dad’s favourite things. I talk about him, even when it causes people to look sad. I cry, why does it make people uncomfortable when we cry? You don’t have to fix crying, let it out, feel your feelings. I look for signs, the latched door opens, the lights flicker, a spider web in the snow. I see these things as an extra presence, a nod from an ever silent voice. Even the supposed bad things, a huge storm? Well Dad says, we are not going out. A power outage? Dad says, get outside, you’re not cooking today. Missed the exit and take a different way home, then find out there was an accident on your regular route? My Dad!

The person that is gone is only physically gone. They are part of you and while you are here, so are they. How do you honour that? The physical part is what we miss, but the memories. Share them, pull them out like a deck of cards. Spread them everywhere, write down the best ones! Have a sharing session during the holidays, make the memories stick for the next generation. A life is only forgotten when there is no one left to recall sweet tidbits about them. While you are at it, leave a memory of yourself that others want to remember one day in your absence. Do something memorable this Christmas, grab your family and go outside and bang pots and pans, be spontaneous, catch em off guard!!