The Process

I removed some long standing behaviour patterns I have been struggling with. It’s funny too, because it is not the first time. My confidence seems to be wavering, it went into a bit of a hibernation. I had to dig it out from behind the garbage that can pile up in day to day life. You can go on with your day and not even realize you are putting barriers in your way. That’s why self reflection is good. I didn’t really see it through my exhaustion. I created this mental map of survival, but it only helped others survive and left myself out of the equation again. It can be so easy to fall into old patterns.

I was reviewing this blog from the beginning making notes of things I learned and realized I wasn’t practicing them again. I was packing in emotions, not communicating, running a solo ship. It isn’t all bad, most of the time I am smooth sailing. There is no better time to change, than right now. The difference is a breath of fresh air, literally because I am getting rid of unnecessary stress. The mental weight is falling away. There is nothing major, but I am important, therefore it is important.

The writing is always on the wall, but always so easy to ignore it. My patience has been gone. I was angry way too much and constantly sick. Time to wake up and get it right again. Find your authentic self, the one in the back. Dust her off, prop her up and watch her come to life!