You can wash away in uncertainty, you may wade through tears. Despair can come like the tide and flow back out. After, in the calm the landscape has changed and so are you. You can not predict outcomes, just make choices that may give you a softer landing. Your reaction is yours alone. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. That is life, beginning to end. We are immersed in our lives and standing back or looking back, we can see something different. Without someone’s history, you can’t judge someone else, actually you can’t judge someone at all, regardless.

Everyone’s fabric is made of unique pieces. The pieces come from numerous events and influences. Those are yours alone, you can pick at the frayed edges and discarded strings. Leave other people’s blankets alone, they weren’t created for you.

After the flood waters recede, there is often destruction and loss. The landscape changes, and new growth slowly occurs. Recovery is a process. Looking for good is a choice too. This week the geese came back, the deer are making a regular appearance in the fields. Spring is arriving with birds, buds and slightly warmer weather. It isn’t a solution, it is a promise of good things to come. Not perfection, just better, that is where the focus needs to be.

I am doing a project and trying to come up with a colour palette. Something subtle and not overbearing. Neutral nature is always my inspiration. When trying to deliver the wow factor, my go to is my favourite colours. Those colours are not subtle, emerald green and real red, Christmas everyday? I am not faithful to these colours, favourites are very limiting. Geometric is not for me, I like small floral and plaid. Again Christmas and intimate wedding vibe. When I dig deep into colour, I ponder the why?

I grew up loving blue, one hundred percent tomboy. No frills or lace for me, hinders the running, tree climbing and digging in the dirt. Dad wore plaid, strong colours in plaid, something about plaid looks so good. Jeans and a plaid shirt, pretty sure I have a picture of each of my kids as babies in denim overalls and a plaid shirt. I don’t care about what is trending. Momma was polka dots, I think I only had one thing polka dots in my life. She got me into the florals, not to wear but aesthetically. She did the side of her shed with flowers she painted, takes pictures of flowers and fresh picked fruit, I find I do that too.

The why doesn’t help me decide the palette. Nature will still be my guide, as long as I can sit in a space that feels like home. It will be mine and personal, forget the rest. Forest floors, beach coasts, greenery, bouquets of flowers, sunsets and sunrises will be my vision. Nature will never be wrong. Bring the outside in with a big dollop of plaid hiding in the mix. I just saw it in my mind, I just solved my problem! Now to make it through the time change!

February was a tap out, it wasn’t as bad as it has been in the past. I gave myself time and just went with the flow. The flow was cold and slow, but I had plenty of reasons to smile. Nothing grand or exceptional just day by day. I had mini goals and I met them as they came, that is enough for celebration. I feel spring, March is a deceitful month of fluctuating temperatures and mixed precipitation, I can see the finish line at least. It is time to complete inside things so summer can be devoted to the outside. There seemed to be so much illness during fall and winter, time to focus on health.

I am weeding through my things again, creating piles to wade through. I wonder if that process ever stops? It sounds good in theory, looks good on paper, real time… not so much. I am an organizer, my own junk, I have faults. The sentimental stuff still gets me every time! This is the time to get tough on my things. Our house of two is far too big and it is time to make changes. It is one of those things that make you reflect on why you haven’t done it sooner. One cupboard, one drawer at a time, sometimes twice. The mantra, “If you haven’t used it in a year.” Always plagued by, “ What if I need it?” Now hubby, he is worse than me. Maybe we should switch, it is easy to be brutal with other people’s stuff.

March we will march! March through the collection of life memorabilia, all 39 years of it! The rooms that are done, are peaceful, quiet, calm. It’s funny the difference of opening one door of chaos can send you spiralling on where to start and what to do. Even when you know what to do, that first step is a doozy. I guess it is time to put on the marching song and wrap it up! Perhaps pack it up and maybe throw it out? Wish me luck! Happy March, hibernation is over!

January was exactly as expected, 5000 days. I did pay attention to what gutted me and what revived me. The lows were increased by intense cold and storms. The freeze does exactly that, it freezes movement, adventure, and planning. A vicious circle for sure, you know you need to do things but stay in place like ice blocks connected to your feet. The highs went with the temperature, if I could get out to do something, I did. The hardest part is being okay with that. No sense beating yourself up over the things you can’t control. I guess staying alone with your thoughts, makes them magnified.

Doing indoor things are important, stacks of paper finally get the attention needed. Clearing out email accounts, apps and old photos, there was time for that. Emptying a space clears the mind too. Seemed to be a lot of time to dream or mourn loss of forgotten ones. Letting these go also is good for you as well. Learning about yourself while trapped indoors helps reset, but it does feel forced.

February is here, still winter and I hope it feels a lot shorter. I feel like I can plan my way through this one. Maybe that is why March is always a disappointment. It is the big tease, one day it’s winter another it’s spring. I do feel hope, which seems to abandon me during the dreaded January. February is the apology for all the neglect I have done in the previous month. I will hold on for the 49 days left of winter and come out the other side ready for all the good stuff!

Toilet innards seem appropriate for this post. Middle of January snuck by, thanks for that! We had the thaw, the deep plunge, two mixed weather systems, more light, and I am tired. I have been put to bed at 7:14 also up past eleven. I have been awake at 4:30 too many morning and dragging myself from slumber so hard, I could barely speak when finally out of bed. January is like Monday, everyday! Who has seasonal depression? One day I am stuck in the upside down from “Stranger things” and other days, I am surprised my clothes are not inside out. I have made six plans and not followed through on one!

Don’t get comfortable, things change. As much as we need to stay still when things are reeling they keep moving. When everything feels slow, they also seem so slow! It is hard to move forward at this pace and true hibernation sets in. Anybody that knows me, knows I disappear this month. I conserve energy to exist. I am better in the spring. It will become a joke about my absence by then. I am just a passenger this time of year, I can barely steer. I feel like I need permission to be happy. Fake it until you make it, is more my speed… with the greatest intentions of course.

I am frozen all the time, but hey I can slap on a smile and make a single goal for the day. I am good at making others a priority, while I figure myself out. I listened to Pink Floyd recently, I was so obsessed with them and Les Zepplinuǔ … I wrote this half asleep, I lost the point because I fell asleep, I woke up at 4:18, I went upstairs and went back to sleep, when I woke up it was an hour past my alarm, it was garbage day.. and these are my January days. Two more months and it will be spring, thank God! Let’s get through this…

Life is filled with memories, once a moment is gone it is a memory. You can bring them up and see your entire past. What are the snippets that break through all of the stories. Little commercial breaks that will come to you out of the blue? Mine are small moments, they can be sad or happy, always candid. My oldest’s first laugh, an echo of words from my dad, my middle eating dunkaroos while in labour, my youngest stomping through the house as a dinosaur. The past offers us a different time, things we can call upon to escape. Focusing on good moments to make the day a little brighter.

Personal history can haunt us just as it can enlighten us. It can stop you from trying new things. Little digs at the vision you are trying to create. This is a you thing, you know that! It is hard to replace the narrator in your head that reminds you of past failure. You have to rewire your reaction to this script. A friend was telling me that actually have people that will help train you to do this. Marathons to train the body and now marathons to train the mind.

Trace back your journey and focus on the good. That is the key! It is easy to get swept into a negative mindset. The world can seem full of negative sometimes. Make it a mission to seek out the good. If you can turn it around every time, you come ahead in the marathon. Reframe it, if a photo on the wall no longer gives you joy… replace it. Get a new frame or get a new photo, same with the negative. That’s something you can control, you will build resilience to overcome. Being consistent with your effort , brings gradual change!

Did you ever have it? A playful heart, peace, youthful enthusiasm, a deep desire to just be you? You don’t have to fit in the box the world provides you with. It is okay to draw outside the lines, it’s your box. Life is your design, you can create whatever you want. Even more important you can scrap the plan and start over. No rule saying you can’t, it may even be necessary. Do you ever give kids empty boxes and all the tools to create whatever they want? Some want paint, some want to cut it up and turn it into something else. Kids will use a whole roll of tape after using a whole stick of glue. They will also keep the structure of the box and only decorate the inside. That could be you, repurpose your life or change it completely.

Don’t just store the boxes, boxes within boxes, waiting for a chance to use them. Is your life a rainy day box? Are you waiting for an opportunity or constantly changing the state of your life. Don’t waste what is in front of you. Let things get messy, be impractical and different. We are all unique. You offer the world something, you may not even realize you have. A cube has eight sides, use them all, be multi dimensional not just practical. Let it be yours, you don’t need input or direction.

It is too easy to resist change and channel negative barriers. Inspiration often works better without thinking. This is your reward, let the momentum build. Distractions happen, you know that setbacks come and they also go. It is okay to pause but start again. Know your why, it helps with focus and leads to being productive . This might be the time to dig out your crayons, glue stick and a whole roll of tape!

We are two days in and it already feels like a week. I don’t want to hurry time in general, it goes by fast enough as it is. January though, it lasts forever when you are in it. We put so many things aside for the holidays and when they are over, we are only left with reality. Christmas creates a high with family visiting, sharing time and presents. It is calm when it is over, just leaving you with boredom, cold toes, your thoughts and for some, buyers remorse. Now add in plunging temperatures, darkness, storms and an illness, it consumes you. If you can ignore all that, Bravo!

I have already started breezing through a Netflix series, something breezy and light. I have a book on the go, I have cooked, cleaned and rested, now I feel trapped. The roads are not good, it is frigid out there! I’m sorry I don’t sound like much help! I try to plan things that I can look forward to. I am not real good in the moment, but I can fill a calendar with stuff that is coming up. Will it get cancelled because of weather? It surely has happened to me in the past. I try to keep a positive mindset. I crank on music, always a life saver for me. If the temperature offers a little relief in the plummet, I will bundle up and force myself outdoors. Cold just gets in there and stays.

Thrive in January to survive, sounds good on paper. Much like surviving any type of blues, do more of what feels good to come out the other side. With five hundred days in the month it will be a challenge. Look at the time as a way to acquire a new skill. Learn a language, try wood working, paint a room, recover a chair, master a few favourite dishes. Plan something for the following day that isn’t dependent on the weather, if all else fails you can sleep, I don’t recommend it though. Wasting the time only makes you wallow harder. Look at it as an opportunity to expand your mind or enhance your surroundings. Get cozy and push through, you got this.

8766 hours for you, how will you use them? Will you waste them? The first day of a new year to create or enhance your life. 525,500 minutes has started, have you done anything different? Did you scroll for two hours already? I was talking to my sister in law and asked for a picture of her tree, she said it was already down. I laughed, so is mine! The mess is still here, and without decorations, it is a mess. The definition of wasting time is different for everyone.

What do you value? Where should your time be invested? New skills? Clean house? Health? Everything? Don’t dwell on it too long, you will just get overwhelmed. Can you ignore the surface stuff and dig deep into yourself? See anything in there that you know needs to change? This is your first day to move towards all that is new! No you don’t need to write it down or say it aloud, just you knowing and acknowledging that you want something different can be enough. Of course progress does take action too.

52 weeks, this is week one, day one. Do something. Make some challenges for yourself. Put $2.74 in a jar everyday, 1000 dollars at the end of the year. Set a timer everyday for 30 minutes towards meal prep, exercise, purging stale spaces, skin care or an online skill, something will change. Thirty minutes everyday towards something, 182 hours of your year just for you. Personally I hate numbers, maybe because you can’t bend them, the visual is real. Numbers don’t lie, you can have your head in the clouds with the rainbows, but time is passing every second. 31536000 seconds in a year, get up and do it, don’t waste it!

Like I have said before, I don’t like to say good things out loud to put them into existence because it just feels like a jinx. I am a little old to believe in such garbly goop, but it is what it is. I also say, don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today. Thank God I do that as much as possible. Second half of vacay and there is a spiral down, with weather and health. Blah. I have ranted about it in my head and now I will take the forced reset. My beverages will be tea and I will roll into the new year in pajamas.

All visits are halted, and books will be my friends. Starting winter Netflix series early and missing summer already. I don’t know how I get blindsided by winter every year? I know it’s coming, I guess I just hope it sneaks by me and we get a shortcut to a better season. Don’t I wish! There is still good to find, I just feel super cranky. I am not the only one, there are so many sick right now, it is alarming. I am sorry if that has been your Christmas experience this year, it just isn’t fun! Try to choose some kind of joy and pick a new day for your New Years. You get to pick!

We have done Fakesgiving, Christmas a week late, month long birthdays or a weekend earlier, you do what you want. You are grown and make the rules! No deadlines, we talked about this before. Your time, your rules! Besides, vacation is no clocks, no calendars… so don’t look at them. If you want a beach, throw sand on the floor, get a towel and a heat dish and have a beach. Pitch a tent in the living room, a disco ball in the family room, put on a chef hat and an apron and find some joy. I am grasping people, help me out! See you next year, next week… my rules! 💜