I was a crazy teenager once. I lived in high heels, jeans and a leather jacket for three years. I listened to heavy metal and classic rock. We raised each other back then. I’m glad I wasn’t raised by the web. You wanted to know stuff, you had to read books. I was made a sandwich, and given a dollar a day, that bought me a soup and a mint Aero bar. Grade nine and ten, school was just a place to be. It almost cost me my graduation. When school was out, loads of us hung out at a local middle school on the hill. Weekends were at the bottom of the bluffs, up to no good. Police used to come in to shore from the lake and kids would scatter up the cliff.

Grade eleven and twelve I found football and helped manage our team. I needed every single credit to graduate. I joined drama and did a co-op course in physical education helping special needs. Kids were still segregated then. I befriended teachers, lost friends in car accidents and seen more alcohol poisoning then I care to see again. Television shows had a moral to the story. We had assemblies with real people that told stories of real obstacles in life. Nobody sugar coated anything. Abuse, neglect were family secrets that you only guessed about. Canadian Human Rights Act was formed in 1977, but the revision in 1985, I remember.

The children of yesteryear are not vastly different then the next. They have changed, but every parent of every generation can attest to the amount of change in the next generation. I try to picture my Gram having teens in the sixties. Each generation has it’s own set of uniqueness. You have the good, bad and the ugly in every set. You have different skill sets, different fails and successes. Each one brings evolution of the human race. You are part of the process, a stepping stone. You are responsible, either by example or creation of all future generations. For this reason, you are important. Your actions, attitudes and reactions are all being watched. Be the difference we need.

Do you ever meet someone and then have a whole glimpse of how they may have been as a child? We are so much more than the person we show others. There is a lifetime of passage we know nothing about. Someone introverted or extroverted may not of started that way. Our journeys build us, and we can rebuild that persona anytime. I guess that is why labelling bothers me so much. History does not have to repeat itself.

If you were free to be who you are and had a perfect childhood, do you grow up perfect? I don’t think so. There were trouble spots in my life and because of them, I strive to do better or more. When you lock people into that box and lower expectations for someone, do they strive to do better? Why would they? They are continually told who they are and may just opt to be just that. If you chose who you are today before maturity, you may become stuck there.

On a recent trip to the mall, I watched a parent berate their child’s behaviour, it was valid to have a consequence. It didn’t stop there. It became more than a correction, it became an attack on their character. It was a tirade, unrelenting bash of their apparent failure to ever do the right thing. Comparisons were thrown out, and anyone within earshot got a rundown of the history of bad decisions. People side eyed the parent. I watched the child, he was silent, he already had accepted that he would not be able to fix it. I watched for any flicker of hope in that child’s face. At one point he cast his head down and when it came back up, he started to walk toward his parent and then pulled that parent in for a hug. The look on his mom’s face and then his own, said it all. No matter how upsetting the original exchange was, I knew they would be okay. Coping skills were in place and although life would be hard, they would be okay. This child knew it wasn’t him. This child knew way more than he was given credit for. Sometimes love is all we need.

Mr. Dunning stood at the front of the classroom. Beige pants, forest green sweater vest. Typical teacher garb did not lend to his appearing any less intimidating. He stood almost 6’6 and to the grade 7 class he was ruler of the world. There was never banter when his attention was elsewhere, no one would dare. He was not stern or severe but his presence was felt. His height, his voice commanded your attention. He wanted your respect and you only gave him yours. His eyes were brown, but behind his glasses you only felt the genuine affection he had for his profession and his students. He now held the globe easily in one hand almost cupping half the orb. He rolled it effortlessly and the elaborate mapping reflected off his lenses.

He cleared his throat and 32 sets of eyes looked up instantaneously. “ I am 34, and this singular trip to the state of Arizona impacted my life and I want to transfer that feeling to you.” He gazed at each face. “ I want you to know and feel everything that I experienced there, to the point that you feel like you were there.”

He strode to his desk and retrieved a picture of a rattlesnake. Although not appearing very menacing it still received a gasp from the class. It was this moment that Stills appeared. “ Ya, I get that a lot,” referring to the gasp rising from the snake. Nobody laughed at his comment and he passed a note to Mr. Dunning and proceeded to his seat. Mr. Dunning glanced at the note and then Stills and continued with his presentation. Students did regard Stills with the same weariness as the snake.

Can you be happy with what you have? Do you buy your way into convenience? If you were to tally up all the stuff you buy in a month, what part of it is unnecessary? You have twenty eight t shirts, twelve face creams, and a stockpile of groceries to last a natural disaster. Do you need anything? Absolutely we need stuff, can it wait a week? What if you tried, just put it on a list and waited. Can it wait two weeks?

We are so spoiled nowadays with instant gratification. Online shopping, two days, don’t even leave the house. It adds up and the house fills with stuff. Don’t end up on an episode of hoarders! Even when we become passionate about a hobby, along with the other seven hobbies, try to finish one, before hauling in another ton of supplies for the newest passion! My idea board is overkill, I would never be able to do everything I save. Again the internet supplies you with so much exposure to things you can do, all step by step and we just love to be creative. Then there is holidays, so many decorations, you could supply three generations with the amount of items that you display. Fill up the house and then all your social media with your seasonal prettiness!

All I’m saying is just think about it. Retirement will come one day, and then where does it all go. Finally you will be able to do all the projects. Then what? What if you need to downsize? Where does the stuff go? “This will all be yours one day!” It isn’t always a gift, it’s an obstacle for someone else to overcome. Think about it, can it wait a week, or two? Is it necessary? It doesn’t make you happier, if it did, you would stop.

Cut ties, if it isn’t working for you, then don’t. People continually expose themselves to things that they just don’t like. Relationships, friends, media, spaces, we have choice over everything we do, if it’s not a necessity of life you have the ability to just say no more. No validation, no excuses, no reason, you don’t owe anybody anything. You don’t have to worry about making others uncomfortable with your absence, if their presence makes you uncomfortable. Be true to you. “Well that person will be mad”, or “that person will ask me why”, so? How do you feel?

People often exhibit anger because they are upset with their own choices. You are not here to appease everyone, truthfully, you can’t. Selfish and self serving? Not really, why should you be unhappy? Learning to say no is a positive step. Not the hermit type of no, the free up your brain space one. If you are just starting this journey, you will feel the difference. People pleasing is great, but if it is costing you your sanity, then no. If it steals your time then no. If it robs you of peace, then take get it back.

After the parenting children stage was over, I slowed down. It was strange, I was into all kinds of committees and events, sports, play dates. It was years of running, I didn’t know how to make the transition to a more low key life. It was unfulfilling, but I was busy. Then I started replacing things I was doing for things I had always wanted to do. Things, I wanted try, mini goals for a change in my life. I need to do this again, I was pretty still last year, gotta amp it up, changes for the better are never a waste!

Write down every negative thought you have and trump it with a reason to be grateful. What can you fit in a day? Your smile, your happy, not “you are” but what you can share. Pass it along! If you can give away something people want to take with them for the day. We all have bad moments, don’t we? What has turned you around? What has made you, stop and just turn it around? When you think of a crying child, how do you get them to turn their frown upside down? Do you hold them? Do you distract them, do you tell them happy things?

I am horrible for throwing myself in between people fighting, but am I? I would do jumping jacks and squawk like a bird to get people to turn it around. People get fixated in the moment, absolutely ignoring reason. Now I’m not saying to get in between a brawl, I just think if a good mood is happening within you, share it. Negativity breeds more negativity, just like if you are talking about a blue car, you see blue cars all day long. So be the sunshine, be the glory breeder.

Sometimes you need just feel your feelings and feel validated, but don’t stay there. Don’t let others stay there. Laughter, smiles are contagious. I never remember jokes, a few have stuck over that years, but useless when I need them. I can act a fool, I can be silly, do weird voices, all kinds of accents, make up words and sing odd ditties. Be fun, life can be crappy sometimes and it all gets in your head and tries to consume you. Don’t let it, look for one thing good to say about your day, just like rainbows, they always show up!

Try something different, no self analysis at all, just fun. Fall is the perfect season to do all kinds of fun, no focus on fixing. I used to do photo challenges all the time, a daily challenge to take a picture of something specific. I liked the interpretation of the photo shot expected. I am hoping fall won’t be as wet as this past summer. Local travel, outside events, hikes are a little more comfortable without searing heat.

When you think of fall, keep in mind it goes right until four days before Christmas! What comes to mind for you? When I close my eyes I see low sunsets, beautiful leaves that light up pathways through the forest. I picture pumpkins, apples, fresh baked foods, gatherings, Christmas vendors. Be sure to get your windows open!! I have already promised myself, I will not be staying on the couch like last year and eating. It seemed to be a year of rest, maybe I needed it. I feel vim and vigor returning, an adrenaline that has come back! I’m alive and free, kicking off the apprehension.

I don’t know where I disappeared to, but I am back. My pockets are full of strategies to just be me. I am empowered, you repeat that! I am empowered! Getting on my shoes right now, stomping through my doubts, regaining my passions. Adjusting my sight line, cranking the music, shouting to the rooftops, let’s do this! Life is full of highs and lows, you seize those highs and you bounce to the next one. Let nobody or anything steal your happiness!! Life is too short, you spend your childhood waiting to be grown, wishing your young adult life to be young again, then one day you are in the moment and it’s okay, everything is okay! Your skin fits, no more hiding, you have a voice and a purpose… whatever it is, do it!!

I have had to prioritize lately, gotta hate that! Slow boil and simmer are not working for me, time to pull everything in front. Dotting my I’s and crossing my T’s, starting things the night before again. Getting to bed at a better time, prepping everything. Lackadaisical doesn’t work during the school year. I start to put myself at the back again, getting to me later. Everyone gets a lunch, and I leave the house without one. My checklist for myself is coffee and phone. Should bring a wardrobe, because the weather is so wonky and the season is so unpredictable. Leave in the rain come home during a scorcher. Tired by Monday and waiting on the weekend.

My future brain has it all figured out now, so just brushing up details. Finding the fails and the go time is getting there. I thrive under pressure, probably why I procrastinate. At least I know what I want and I am no longer afraid to ask for what I need. The waiting for peace is rewarding eventually. Hump day has passed and Friday is on the next horizon. That works, little break and fourth gear again. I don’t hate it, makes me tired? Of course!

My daughter sent me a pic of the geese, and my other daughter sent me a picture of a young buck. I am craving apples, baking, soup and sweaters! Shut down the pool, dug out warm socks, stocked up on Kleenex, opening windows at night, I love the air a little crisp. Wine glass is ready for Friday evening and I have a book picked out. May get a little use of my outdoor space with that book and a blanket, might even nap. Enjoy any time you can get for you!!

Maybe? Not sure what I should say. “ You are so organized, I am organized too!” She is stoked! So that makes me happy! My girls were not, she tells me that now about her mom, lol. Clean for sure, just not organized. I tell her that I was also like that when I had kids at home. It is easier with an emptier house. She gives me a side look and sly smile, she knows what’s up. Love this kid! We bond over dealing with disarray, comfort zones and online shopping.

My brother likes to open cupboard doors and leave them open as he walks through the kitchen. Yup, funny, let’s talk about germs… hmmmmmm? We all have quirks and guess what? It’s normal, all different boxes. Volume has to end in certain numbers. Some people are just free, run full tilt, no blinders, no filters, all glee. I can do that, well maybe some days.

What come first the chicken or the egg? Am I more organized because I have time, or have more time because I am organized? Am I OCD because I have to check for my keys twice before I lock a door? Meh, we are, who we are, what does it matter?

There are lots of situations that make your spidey senses tingle. That foreboding feeling that alerts you that things are not right. Danger is imminent, stop, go back, this is a bad idea. When you have anxiety, this may happen all the time and you have to decide if the red flag is just at half mast, or there is a real concern. I remember going on a hike once and coming across some scat lined with berries, I became terrified that a bear must be around the next bend! I do not know enough about wildlife to determine bear poop size or freshness, so I turned back, convinced I would be consumed at any moment! Self preservation or paranoid, doesn’t matter I was done.

It’s good to have these filters, and hopefully they kick in when needed. As we age fear grows. Maybe because we know more or are more aware of possible outcomes. Red flags are not only raised with life or death situations. Sometimes the flag gets raised around certain people. People that don’t respect personal space, that follow you with their eyes too much, ones that seem to talk to you like they have a hidden agenda for a relationship. It might be just your interpretation, but getting crappy vibes from someone is unnerving. Lot’s of relationships, friendships and otherwise, actually start out great, and it’s not until you have been in it a bit that flags start to rise. It could be as simple as low key criticism and just joking insults. Then two months in,there is complete disrespect and control behaviour. When the honeymoon is over it is still okay to call it quits.

You really do have to trust your gut. It is more than okay to quash good beginnings when things start to go wrong. Everyone is on their best behaviour in the beginning and if true colours are skewed as time goes on, you best move on. I heard about bear sightings a couple of weeks after that hike. I was kind of glad because I was feeling kind of bad for bailing on a fabulous fall hike. It justified my decision, because sometimes,( don’t tell my husband) I am wrong?! It is better to be safe than sorry!