Do you perceive people or things as obstacles in your life? They aren’t but that’s how you perceive them? You don’t go out because of the baby, the money, the planning. You don’t have people over because of the mess, the judgement, the neighbours. You won’t try new things because the failure, time, or fear. Arguments you have with yourself just to function. You are never going to be one hundred percent sure of anything. I find women do this way more then men. We put all the factors in a big pot and stir it for days like a stew. Adding ingredients, spices, bring to a boil and let the flavours meld together and only we know when it’s ready. Not saying men don’t also partake in this, but more often than not, they just eat the stew.

For big decisions everyone makes the stew. The older you get, the stew is easier to make , The recipe is in your memory, you know the secret ingredients and bam, ready in an hour. You make a plan, execute the plan and don’t turn back. As a young adults myself included, your lucky if you had a stew pot or a recipe. Approaching someone else to do or try something different can cause waves imagined or otherwise. Nobody is a mind reader, everybody changes and yesterday’s no can be a yes. If coming from a place of respect, it’s what you want, that ultimately matters. If it matters to you, it’s important.

New family dynamic, life changes, new goals? I suggest you get a pot and a recipe, borrow one from a wise old woman! Go shopping and select ingredients that you need to make the recipe. You can’t find an ingredient? Neighbours still exist, borrow something, others have things in their house you may need. Prepping and slicing, there is no turning back. Don’t delay getting it into the pot, things get icky when they lay around unused! Boil, simmer, and let the flavours blend, enjoy the aroma. You’ll know when it’s ready, Clean up all the mess while waiting, call up a friend and tell them about your stew, others love to here your success, ones you have waited for. Serve hot, with buttered rolls and enjoy the fruits of a job well deserved!

Worse case scenario, picture it in your head. What did you see? How negative was it? Is it rejection that you fear? Failure? Losing? Where does your mind go when approaching new things? People are plagued by their inner voice. Hardest thing to silence is your own voice, is it really the voice of reason or a lifetime of insecurities surfacing? You will be judged, your own judgement is the one that matters and it can be debilitating to move forward. Can you let it fall on deaf ears? Turn a blind eye?

Success can only happen if you try. If you don’t try or if you do, you succeed or you learn. You might learn you are scared, or that you worry too much about other’s reaction. Push the mute button and go forward. People spend too much time inside their own head, disappointed before they even begin. Just do it, you have nothing to lose, plenty to learn. People will tell you anxiety is crippling, absolutely it is, part of the work is sharing. You need to set the thoughts free. Obviously there is way more to it than that, but getting the thoughts out is a start.

This is not an anxiety talk, that’s a chapter in a book for someone much more qualified than me. This is just a footnote for people that struggle with getting out words that should be said out loud. Ping pong in your brain is tiresome. Things that weigh heavily in your head are often left unsaid, so say them. Purging the mind is as important as purging the clutter. Write them down first if it helps. When it comes to trying new things and the ping pong game starts, go do it. Don’t let the what if’s rob you of living your best life. What’s the worst thing that can happen?

I have a huge box of home movies, summer project that is taking up my number one spot. VHS, 8mm, VCR, audio, video jacks… yup all of them, need to be digitized before they disintegrate. Sometimes going back is as fun as going forward. Not looking for a do over, I know that. To have the memories of course is priceless and being the director of all these pieces plays right into my favourite things. I even have old reels of my childhood and I think there is one kicking around of Momma’s. I hope they will find honour somewhere down the line with as much passion I have for them right now.

My kids ran the camera a lot, and some never before seen footage I am just seeing now! Laugh, my, my, what a crew I have! Since half the neighbourhood hung out here, I have them too. I admire their freedom to be themselves in childhood. I am constantly calling my grands by my kids names, but there is so much likeness between them all. Last year I wrote about the fire my husband had as a child and losing pictures and pieces of the past. I did receive a copy of the article about the fire, terrifying! Besides my kids, I always worried about the loss a fire can inflict on the memories.

My digital library is gonna be huge and I already have to start thinking about investing in an external hard drive to contain all of it. I wonder how long before this way if storing them will also become obsolete? Not having something physical like the actual video tape kind of freaks me out, I never did put them on to DVD’s because they were the most scratched up things I have ever seen! I want to give a shout out to You Tube because their tutorials helped me train for this event, actually it has helped me unlimited times on the daily with many tasks! Not sure if I will get this project done soon, it is a pleasant distraction, no better movie than your own!

I really haven’t found me yet, and that is okay. it is hard to find you when the extension of yourself is attached to so many things! I love that though, we can not be our true selves without the attachment of all the things that make us us ourselves. So many things we do that make us truly happy and the service part of ourselves we share that makes us the great that everyone loves! What is better than that. You need, I give, you are and I am!
Be true to you is the mantra that plays, but sharing is the real piece that makes us whole. “You were different” so true, I was different, I was so different and lost. When I was real, it confuses people!

Friends you need to be true to you, and the pieces left over are the pieces to share. You first! That is not selfish that is survival. Seems this summer there has been a lot of talk about the people we were and now the people we are. It is okay to be different if it makes you better! You have changed, doesn’t mean bad, it means your mindset has changed to allow you to be the best version of yourself. I did the time of yes, and I did the time of nope. Now I just do what I feel, my feels are deep, my ties are strong and those in my circle I want the best for! What could be better than that.

Sometimes I feel I try too hard to keep my circle, because they to are changing. Should I let them go? No, some I will always be there for, in my heart of hearts they will always be the ones that are mine. Separate for awhile and see how it pans out, those that care will always be and the rest takes care of itself… really just be you, and the ones that matter never go away! Always love!

I love when the family gets together! The stories come out, repetitive sometimes, but some are worth it! One of my favourites is my husband’s. We used to have a three story house in Oshawa with an in ground pool in the back, a sunroom was on the back of the house and we had our TV set up in there. One night quite late, we heard someone scuffling around outside the sunroom door in the back. We had blinds on all the windows and they were closed, not wanting to go near the door or the windows, we were creeped out. So my hubby and his buddy went out the front and to the back for the element of surprise! Surprised they were when the burst through the back gate, armed with bats, to find a family of racoons. The momma racoon was holding open the garbage and the babies were having a feast on leftover bbq. Momma was huge! Bigger than a dog and here she was bench pressing the lid and a piece of plywood with one hand! When she saw the humans she took off running, babies in tow. They ran down to the pool, swimming across for a quick escape. This story is timeless and is told quite often.

Fast forward ten years, hubby started a job here in New Brunswick and during lunchtime shared his infamous racoon story. A coworker with a thick accent proceeded to tell one of his stories of a fishing up northern New Brunswick. They were all out on a boat, his buddy had a bite. It was huge and heavy and it took three of them to haul it in. Much to there surprise it was a, and grasping for the word proceeded to hold his arm up and swing it back and forth over his head, ” It was one of those things they used on the railway…” Someone blurted out, “lantern!” and the story continued. ” That’s just it, the most amazing part, it was still lit!” Now of course the boys in the room called BS! Specifically, he turned to my husband and said, “You downsize your racoon, and I’ll put the light out!” The best, and now our racoon story can never be told without the lantern story follow up! Quick wit and hilarious!

Sometimes we embellish our stories and only the most sophisticated responses can call you out and add flavour. Not to diminish your story, but to add humour. Our story was true, it grew bit over the years as stories do. His story I assume was true too, and I love the class he used, not shame, no menace, perfect! Was it planned, that it was a light to illuminate the exaggeration? That’s a sitcom bit if I ever heard one!

I have many people that inspire me, people that have gone to faraway places, that are killing it in fitness goals, passionate people with goal driven mindsets. I have noticed I gravitate to the ones on a journey. The ones that are not done yet, the tryers! You know their struggle is real, you feel their obstacles and they are pushing through. Lot’s of people are doing big things and succeeding, but the underdog, silently making progress are the heroes. There is something to be said about these people, no one gives them the time of day and yet they are doing it, not for me or you, for them. The comeback is the victor!

We all come from that underdog spot at sometime in our lifetime. Everyday challenges can put us there. Unfortunate events can happen to anyone, homelessness, not having enough to eat, financial ruin. The ones that are in that situation look around at all the survivors and pine to survive too. The cream of the crop look down and are not always sympathetic. You are not exempt, some people are one missed payment from hitting bottom. No back up plan, no nest egg, no support and you could be right there too.

People that come from nothing are a little more hardy than those never experiencing hardship. Be generous my friends, help and give. Start with family and then work your way outwards. Better humans, better future, after all you can’t take it with you.

You can’t keep a good horse down? I know it’s man but old sayings get messed up all the time! How you perceive someone can be way off base. My mom is in her seventies and that triggers a vision of someone older, but put your microscope on their life and it lights up a past full of life. Mom and I went shopping, short skirts, polka dots, bright colours, call her name. I saw a picture of a gathering of young people in the sixties, momma could of been one of them. Go Go boots, mini skirt, set hair, holding a smoke. We close the chapter on the girl when we have kids, one day after the kids let go of us, she comes back. People are always surprised when you come to this crossroad. You have time to be your former self, the one you never had time for! You haven’t changed, you just come back! You get sleep and then you wake from the mommy fog, and be you.

There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first again, as a parent kids are in front of the line forever. They will always be at the front of the line, for those that are in this boat, it sure is lonely when they all of a sudden they have a life and you don’t. That’s why for some, thirty is the new twenty, or fifty is the new forty, etc. Men just do what they do, they grow as the decades go by. They have their man crew and they do the dad thing. Women are changed by their children, bodies, mentality. emotionally. Their job is twenty four seven, it doesn’t stop when their shift is done, they come home and keep on working. So as the kids age you have an amazing time slot that opens up. You can be pretty selfish with that time, and you should be. As keeper of the cheerios, you start to feel human, you crave grown ups, mental stimulation, friends, events, personal space. You haven’t changed, you are finding you again.

Finding you, there should be a support group! It is a transition and it can be hard on those around you, it obviously isn’t the only transition you will go through in your life time. I just see this one often and the jury says, ” they changed, doesn’t she have four kids?” I say, she has earned it! She grew bodies, she shared every ounce of her personal space for years. No guilt in taking time for you, I lived in track pants and t-shirts for ten years, I don’t regret an inkling of it! Never wore earrings, fussed with my hair, my house was tossed on the daily. I loved it! They grew and found their own interests, I missed it for awhile. One day I woke up and I found the girl that ran through the sprinklers, I had time to read, I could leave the house without thinking it would collapse without my guidance. I bought clothes…for me, I am on my priority list. If you haven’t found her ladies, look for her, she is in there, you may have to hold her hand for awhile. She is worthy!

Comparisons of time in the written word are beautiful, the analogies are forever scripted and moving. Time in the real world can slap you in the face. One minute you are eating breakfast with your kids and the next minute it’s breakfast with their kids. I see time with my own eyes and when you see it through another’s eyes it is just as surprising. I had a visitor the other day, my daughter and granddaughter were both present, we talked about all the current things going on in each others lives and the visit was quite charming with my own three generations present. After the visitor left, my daughter said, I used to babysit that kid, my granddaughter said, he is a teacher and there it was, BAM! When you child feels old, you feel ancient! It all comes rushing back like a breath of air, your daughter hosting her little brother’s birthday party because she was old enough to. The oldest being out of the house before the youngest graduates. It just zooms in and passes, just like that.

They say it all the time, how fast it passes the older you get. When you are a kid, it trickles. You wait for everything and it takes eons before it happens. It’s like driving somewhere new, seems to take half a day to get there and twenty minutes to get back home! Memories stay, most of them, even if they are buried, they surface even if just briefly. Wasting time, killing time these are the ones we are guilty of. They are not all bad, but when you do it, and realize it they make you feel unproductive, unless you have no time to lose.

We made a time capsule at a birthday party and promised to open it in ten years, it was funny to see the things the kids had included in this portable memory bank and each item was mulled over with attached memories. Even our house, when we do a renovation, we will write on the walls before covering them up and one day someone else will find the messages. My dad had me and my best friend do a letter each with our predictions for what we would be doing in ten years. We sealed them in envelopes with wax on the flap. We were teens, so opening them in our twenties was exciting. Some of the things were extreme, things about how the world might be. More interesting how we predicted ourselves to be. It said more about our development than our perception. We all have the same amount of time in a day, it is up to you how you use it.

I have so many extra sheets, towels, blankets kicking around I could fort the whole house! the Grands are coming over, maybe that will be the challenge if it rains! I was the only one in my blanket fort growing up, I could use a glass to hold up the sheet because it was never disturbed. My kids had bunk beds so the sheet draped from the top one to the bottom was pretty good, but they would still manage to do something destructive. Once the younger one and a friend lifted the top bunk with their legs almost mashing them as it came down on top of them. The next generation here that builds forts, I have to leave the room and they can barely let each other in some days! My kids used to set tents up in the house on rainy days, and that was the best boredom buster. March break, tents, scary movies were great for staycation!

Grown ups should have blanket forts, parents could go in and hang a sign that said no kids allowed. You could take a book and demand snacks all day. Sometimes mine would leave each other out of their adventures, especially if a friend was over. Best lessons in empathey were taught with this behaviour. I once took my youngest daughter and played army all afternoon, bellowing commands and crawling on the ground, running and peering around corners at my oldest and her friend. They begged to play with us, but I held them off awhile so they could see how it felt to be left out. Eventually they wandered into enemy territory and were taken captive so the youngest could be bossy for a bit, before allowing them to join in.

Once the blanket fort starts to fall apart, so do the people inside. Some want to start over, maybe it was never their plan to begin with and a little bit of sabatoge is part of a bigger picture. Some have vision and see more than what is there. My grand daughter got beads and fancy scarves to create a pathway to it, she had flashlights for amazing chandeliers in each compartment, because of course there were more than one room even if you had to belly crawl to get in. For a time, I think my grandson thought it was either a parachute, cape or something to jump into, stealing bits and pieces as he went, his flare. Life is like that too, each person has a vision and approach to everything and you really should consider, who would be in your blanket fort.

It seems you have to question everything on the internet, phone, email. All of it gets sketchier every day. It no longer is the, “if it seems to be too good to be true, it’s a scam” motto anymore. Missing people, hurt pets, causes, items for sale, it is too much to keep track of. It is pretty disgusting actually. Entering a contest, hard to know if you win or not. It interferes with that too. I question the long term ability to keep us safe in the digital world.

Authenticating accounts is now another step in accessing our own information. The amount of passwords and steps to retain is overwhelming. Surely there is another way without jumping through hoops on the daily. I empty my junk email daily, carefully scanning the 107 emails to be sure I don’t overlook any important items. It doesn’t stop there, you then go to deleted and empty that. My inbox has focused and other, and then there is work email. Just unsubscribe you say? I didn’t subscribe in the first place!

It is hard to keep up with all the digital world has to offer. Our preceding generation must hate it. It complicates so many tasks. If you want a real human, good luck, even customer service is auto generated. I don’t believe in a cashless society for this reason. The World Wide Web goes down, you are down too! Sure it has perks, Amazon had my back this Christmas too. I wish I knew more about computers and those that do have the upper hand. It evolves fast, that is for sure! Guess I better go unsubscribe from a hundred or so emails.