When my daughter was about two, we had a young guest over for supper. It was spaghetti, a couple of bites in our young guest dropped their fork and hollered, “I hate onions. “ My daughter also dropped her fork and examined our guest and her own plate to discover this monstrosity offending creature called onion. It took her a year to drop her disgust of onions, whatever they were.

Shortly after this experience, I banned the word hate in our home. Correcting constantly to say, “ I don’t like that.” With the addition of more children, I again had to implement the, “ we don’t say hate.” They got creative as they got older, they loathed, despised, couldn’t stand… something. If they say hate nowadays, I hope they have a good reason! Hate is a festering emotion, it seems so permanent and well hateful! That day with onions I saw how catchy it was. An opinion that can be quickly adopted by others.

You are welcome to opinions and can hate onions if you want. The bigger picture is the words we give our kids to articulate need to be kinder. Throwing around words on the daily in their presence is bound to be tossed around freely from their mouths. Kids do reach an age when they know if they are good words are not. Hate is not a bad word, I just think it has a specific place in this world.

When I was younger, watching, I think Lassie, she was caught by bad people. I was so upset I called the offenders a bad name, I knew the word was bad, but no clue what it was. My mother pounced from the other side of the room using both my first and middle name. I was mortified that it was upsetting her… dad said it, fixing cars?! All my kids are grown now and if there was a swear jar … probably would be full. I never heard them swear till they were grown… I wonder if they say hate?

You ever work so hard or travel so far and know the end is so close but you just don’t know if you can get it done? I have had a headache for three days, I have had two naps before bedtime that is more of a pass out at nine PM. Going through the motions but your function button, is more of a control, alt delete! Your pep talks are really aimed at yourself, and you need a whole cheer team!

The travel and the road are coming to an end and it’s bittersweet. I will miss the journey and I will collapse in complete exhaustion when it’s done. The days are not predictable, transitions abound. Internal meltdowns in my head daily. I am gonna sleep when it’s done.

The waves are cresting faster and faster! But I will sit on my surfboard and get to the shore. I have my life jacket and the rope tied to my foot. I can’t swim so I will stay on it and float. At the finish line I will stand up and ride across screaming! Inside my head of course. It is around the bend, I see it… here I go, wish me luck!

We spend a lot of time on the special days, graduation, birthdays, special milestones, what about you. You are worthy! You are enough!Making time for yourself, that is a struggle, but just celebrate yourself. Post positive affirmations everywhere, use an entire post it packet. Forget huge things, glamorous things, material things. Just you, making it through the day, surviving. Life can beat you down, it can wear you out. Hey if putting on pants to meet the day is an obstacle, it’s worth celebrating!

Far too many people put the goal line way out of reach. Every foot forward is good enough. You know yourself best, you know your trials and tribulations, the significance to others is irrelevant. Some days getting out of bed to face the same demons is a win. The only one in your race is you. The only competitions are the ones you create. Life is not a bowl of cherries, it is not a box of chocolates. It is hard, sometimes painful and can feel like a recurring nightmare. Put your pants on one leg at a time.

Being alive is enough, the kids used to complain when we had to park a mile away at the mall, I hate being stuck in traffic. Be grateful, two feet and a heart beat. It is more than some people get. Seeing another day arrive, watching the sun set on a dismal day… but you got that day, even a crap day. You are alive, you deserve to be here, own it!

Rising or setting, sun makes the world go around. What does it mean? What does it provide? It is the promise of a new day. It provides heat, happiness, and hope. It elevates your mood and your body temperature. For some it is too much, for me it will be enough. Sun comes up and it makes the day brighter, emotionally it shines inward and outward. Lots of people complain about how they feel throughout the winter or just too many rainy or cloudy days. It isn’t just seasonal depression it provides an essential vitamin D. Those that know what I am talking about, I feel you.

One of my kids endocrinologist for diabetes suggested taking vitamin D3. They said those that live in parts of the world with less sunlight actually had an increased risk of diabetes, so D3 is recommended to slow that process. So D3 and B100 was a part of my daily regime for 2 years, all the blood work collected during those two years for myself had me in tip top shape. Can’t fight with that!

Like many things, do we follow doctors recommendations to a T. No, we do not. My own doctor always encouraged natural things. When I wanted to lose weight she suggested following Canada’s food guide and increasing activity. I was not impressed, I wanted something easy… no such thing. We have to be proactive to reach our optimum health. Unfortunately genetics come into play and all of your history follows you. Right from the beginning. The years that you abused that temple you live in, does factor in.

Your sleep, eating, habits all matter. You are accountable to yourself. We are not perfect( gasp) . There is no magic, no easy fix. Absorb your sunshine, surround yourself with happiness. Accept that we can’t erase the damage we have done. Work through things that are hurting you. Look after you, ask for help and take the help. You are a package all the inner workings work together. Forgive what you done wrong, look forward!

I always plant late. Frost here is right up until the first day of summer, I have planted earlier and lost. I prepped flower beds a while ago, but I just had to do it again now that I officially know what is actually a plant. I pruned my roses, and I see a bud on one already. I never have enough soil, so I will need to get more, I already bought four. The things that come back every year, are back. I would love to say what they are, but I never remember which is which, annual, perennial? Seems to me annual makes sense since they come back yearly, but then I second guess that because it could mean because I have to replant every year.

I have only a few veggies this year, stuff I love, tomatoes, peppers , lettuce. I need a zucchini, they are so easy to grow and I love making muffins from them! I never yield enough stuff to get really excited, but between flowers and veggies, that is plenty. I only have so much time and energy. Something exciting about sticking your hands in the dirt and creating something useful or beautiful.

I admire people that have the beautiful landscaping and perfect grass, flowers that are in bloom all year. A garden full of all the things that supply daily food. With the price of groceries, it is almost needed! That and a cow and some chickens! I always change my approach every year, so we will see. It’s a comforting pastime. I don’t like to grow things that are under the ground, mostly because of a huge spider experience when I was a kid. I am not afraid of spiders, but the markings on this sucker, had me convinced it was poisoned and sent to this earth to kill me!

I love summer, I love nature, can’t wait!

It’s grainy, it’s old, so am I, it is what I have and what I need! It will be fourteen years this July and I keep that part of me in a pocket that I only take out sometimes. I don’t wear it everyday, grief doesn’t go away it changes. Grief for one can be triggered by the grief for another and that happens and that is okay. Some moments are louder than others and it good to listen to them sometimes. Losing a parent is expected to happen, but the experience still hits you hard. Missing them is harder the more time that passes. You would think that it would be opposite, for me it is not. In the beginning I didn’t really accept it and I went to the graveyard often, clean it up, decorate it, sat to have convos, and look for answers. The answers are not there, but maybe in the quiet it made it easier to hear the answers already available. Now when I go, I just cry.

I always just spoke for myself and my situations, but I did not speak to him about it. The fact that he is gone, and his voice is silenced forever, his arms are absent. What would I say? Father’s day is here again…

Dear Dad;

First of all I want to say thank you, for lessons learned, love and protection given like all little princesses expect from their dads. We had times like every child does with their parent, and you taught me forgiveness as well as forgiving freely. You taught me about car maintenance, taxes, how to make a stupid three, the right way! How to ride a bike, how to skate , unfortunately the driving lesson for a standard ended on the side of the road and I walked home! Sometimes I was nasty and you were a jerk, and it took me awhile to realize that is human. We weren’t so uncommon, and as a grown ass woman I am thankful to know that.

I also want to apologize for messing up, but it bothers me more than it ever even affected you. Your words, “I am proud of you,” I was able to hear. You were always involved enough, took us awhile to figure out what that looked like, but I loved the drop ins to have a cup of tea and a quick check in. You did that, physically, emotionally all the time, I didn’t know that until you were gone.

Lastly, there was love, so much! You loved to tease and let’s face it, we all loved that! I still remember when Tyler was a toddler and you walked into the kitchen, he burst out of the closet with a super soaker, bigger than him, soaking you and the entire kitchen! Yup, I see you in him. You are missed, and it hurts to know you are missing it, stolen too soon.

People are only visitors on this earth. Enjoy them, every minute. You just never know. It grows and changes, evolves from year to year. Be sure you are living your best life every day, don’t waste the minutes. Don’t let night fall on your anger. Forgive quickly, and love always love.

I am who I am, not the most flexible, I bend but my internal dialogue drones on and on. My husband used to quote a saying, “stay where you’re at, I’ll come where you’re to. “ This also counts for someone’s mindset not just their location. The mind bends but not while someone is stuck in a certain mindset. When they are stuck dealing we can adjust ourselves to meet them where they are so we can help them recover. This is the quickest way to help.

It’s like when someone throws up, you can’t stop it, you just hold their hair. When someone gives birth, you have no control over that. You hold a hand, rub a back, breathe with someone in hopes they will focus and get through it. My generation was told to control our human reactions, to present ourselves in a certain way, emotions were made to feel like a weakness. I know feelings are big, I still believe that reactions can be adjusted. Not everything warrants a full melt down. So being taught what is and isn’t a big deal is also important. It is not a teachable moment during the moment, but definitely after.

Emotions is a hard one for everyone, it’s okay to say we are going to revisit this later, to yourself, or a confrontation with your spouse or explosive behaviour of your child. You can say, this is not okay, but we will talk about it later. I find when people close to me are having feelings, I can not think, I can not react, I kind of shut down. Like slow mo, and I like to walk away and figure out how I feel, not my auto reaction, but my authentic feelings. Some times I choose opposite just because, so taking a moment gives perspective. Distance is always a good idea, “I’m gonna give you minute!” “I’m gonna take a minute!” Compromise! Harmony! Find your common denominator!

One thing I have noticed since the Covid bubbles have past us, is the amount of things you now allow. Perhaps it is to make up for lost time. Don’t get lost in this, try to remember who you were! We are not the same and even those that say they were not impacted were, you can see the changes, however minimal. Self reliance and problem solving independently has made a comeback. Some families have really solidified the family unit, bridging the generational gaps and and a real sense of closeness. It created an environment to magnify all, if any issues, and being together all that time you either had to sink or swim.

Those that were alone struggled with the loneliness that took over during that time. Some got creative, some just suffered. The suffering made people realize what they were not willing to go without. Everyone realized what they missed the most, and what accommodations they needed to set up to cope. Even in the workplace the workload changed and the face of illness and recovery also changed. Dependence on our devices also increased, shopping from home, face time, cooking from scratch. There were those that had less, had even less than that, support networks dissolved.

Now the world has resumed spinning and for some nothing changed at all. I can feel the blurred lines that separate state from home. Home is more of a hub or command center. It is time to make the changes, especially if you were working from your home space to reclaim it as a haven! Welcoming without the taste of all business! Sounds simple to leave work at work, but I know plenty that are not. This time of year is perfect for reimplementing the weekly family gatherings, date nights, game nights at home with friends, barbeques and local events! Spread your wings butterflies, it is time!

A student told me yesterday they have been on this earth since 2013! I told them I have been here since the 1900’s, he was blown away. I find that hilarious, both the fact that I can say it and that the kids in the class act astounded! When you have to add your birth year to something on the internet and have to roll the year thing back forever. I told my husband that night I had been around longer than the CN tower, he questioned it and he is older than me! I went with my parents and watched the helicopter put the top on it when I was a kid… might be a picture of that here somewhere.

Age no longer matters to me like it did. Seems you spend your young life wishing to be old enough. When you are old enough, you get freaked out by milestone birthdays, and then you just settle into the ride. You only think about it when you are not able to stay awake, much like this evening, I had a three hour nap, out cold, three hours, didn’t need ear plugs, sleep noises or even full darkness like my overnight sleep, just flop and full Z mode. It has been a full week and it is only Wednesday, this nap was after two full coffee and non drowsy allergy pills. Not to fear, I will be up till midnight or awake at 3 am to mess it all up, right now, I could run a marathon!

If I were to use Momma as a marker for next leg of my journey, naps are good. Staying up and sleeping in, obviously because of the naps. She is retired, she gets to do that, as a matter of fact, she gets to do whatever she wants. I do what I want, is a favourite saying of mine actually. I adopted it after my favourite birthday, because one day you get it, that you are grown, and you don’t need any permission to do whatever you want. It is the best “YOU” moment you will ever have. Every journey is different and I will enjoy the journey if I am blessed enough to have one. Enjoy your mile markers friends, every kilometre you put on your body, fill it with whatever it is you want!

Spouse! Really we are so immature, in a grown up way. I know I am annoying, he loves me anyway. One minute I am responsible, organized, smart, honest, loyal… humble. It’s more important that when I can’t, he can. I can be rational and get through the surprises life leaves in your lap, while he is all reactionary. Then when I lose it later, he has kicked into action and picks up my pieces!

The things that make us an unlikely couple actually are the things that stick us together. We were friends forever before we ever were a couple. When we considered each other as a couple, it was us always. We did raise each other. I remember going out to dinner, fancy, being seated and feeling like it was a game of house. We had a year together before marriage and another after, just the 2 of us before adding in kids. We grew a lot pre children and then again afterwards. We are still growing, it doesn’t stop. I don’t think it should.

Relationships are ever changing, just as a person does. Wants change, lifestyle changes, tolerance changes. There has to be value in listening to your persons words, really hearing. Better yet, telling is just as important. Nobody learns anything from silence. Sometimes switching up your responsibilities is a huge game changer, for better. Health, finances are building blocks that you need to step into and off again. There is a balance, you just need to find it.