Never wait! I unconsciously do it all the time, I either put things off or postpone to do things. Not even big things, I will text after, I will give a quick call, set up a visit, arrange a get together. I am not talking about procrastination, just regular maintaining relationships. Someone can be on my mind all day at work and then when I get home they drop off my radar and pop in again when I’m driving or getting supper on the table and my favorite, 3 AM. These are my nearest and dearests, I truly just go blank on it. Maybe I truly am getting forgetful, priority people should not just float away from your inner prompt!

It is kind of embarrassing when you go to message someone and the last time you spoke was New Years or their last birthday! I am trying to be more of a now person, like right now. Or when you open a message and see that you haven’t even responded to something, you saw it, maybe even wrote a response, but haven’t even sent it back. Sounds awful but I am sure I am not the only one. It is kind of the curse of the internet. You are on all the time, but not available, making it seem like it was intended as some kind of neglect. For me, not at all.. it just gets lost or I do!

I guess that is why I check in on so many people in the summer. Some people have their messages delete after 30 days, mine delete, when I delete them. Good thing, because I always find the unfinished conversations, attempted plans, started adventures that need a follow up. If you are waiting on me, it does happen, eventually!

I got a Lego set for Christmas when I was nine. After I took it to my room and started to build a home, I realized quickly I knew shit about using the blocks. I had no concept of overlapping them to construct a building. My mother had to show me, a visual learner had to watch the process in order to create. It was the same year I built a fort. I placed pieces of wood side by side and again could not figure out how to make it stand or expand. To be fair, it was wood hauled out of the garbage, old cupboard doors and strapping. No one showed us, it was trial and error. Luckily the three seasons it survived it did not collapse in on us. We were children and it was lessons you learn along the way.

Why is it the creators of projects in communities seem to feel their way much like the nine year old girls we were? It seems every year the construction crews are out, redoing or reconfiguring projects that were completed. Is there no future thought put into these designs? You design a highway with no foresight to figure that you might need more than one lane, more off ramps, a culvert, a snow fence on straight stretches? What about pavement, can we not invent something that does not get slick in the winter, or tear up with plows in our horrible winters? When they are torn up, why does it take forever to fix them? Especially in rural areas? Do they matter less than our city dwellers? There is a washout on the side of a cliff that has never been touched except for cones since it happened! I remember a project in high school entitled; How to Pass a Bill. It listed all the steps to get something passed in Parliament, the process is elaborate! Getting the road fixed must be a similar process, because it sure takes forever!

I’m a dreamer and I am visual, so when something is designed it is pretty clear that some of these projects are designed with good intentions but no regard for the future. They did some beautification project in a town, planting trees. Trees grow and yet they planted them on the side of the road with the hydro lines! Trial and error I guess, or maybe they are thinking of the future, they will be needed in ten to twenty years to redo the work! I don’t know maybe plans are suppose to be for the immediate need and you are not suppose to consider the future? Kind of like childhood, remember the kids on their bikes, riding their hearts out, hands in the sky, before helmets were invented! “Look mom, no brains!” Really, I know nothing, I need a really elaborate pictures drawn to picture anything, I wouldn’t be able to do a job like that! Lately, tired is a noun, and I can barely plan out a meal!

My soul is ready for summer, I have a sleep deficit going on right now! I was up at 3, I was not tired, I still am not tired. I will be, in about 2 hours and that will mess up my evening. I have too many things in my brain, no sense tossing, I got up and went for a walk. Not outside! It was 3 am and it was dark and there was frost! I went on goggle and looked up my childhood address and walked to my first elementary school. I went the regular way and the back way. It was fifty years ago and I waked it on autopilot, I didn’t have to look anything up. The manhole where I muddied my rubber boots is still there, the park with the pony rides, the fire station, even the low cement walls I balanced on instead of the sidewalk. I wish google would let me go to the ravine our school backed on to. The hill we slid down every winter and there was at least 2 recesses you would be guaranteed to see blood where someone fell on the ice. I wish I could go in the building into the Kindergarten class with the big cardboard blocks we built real forts with and had circle time with juice and cookies. I wish I could see my best friend Cornelia and feel that free and easy friendship children have.

I keyed in my next address, my favourite house! It wasn’t there, I was devastated! Mr. and Mrs. Wilson’s house next door was still there but our house has been replaced by a huge monstrosity made of brick, it probably takes from the huge back yard because it is so large. When my daughter went to University in Toronto, I had her take me and Momma to our old neighborhoods because I haven’t been there since I had moved away. It was there then, and I did get a picture, at least I have that. I felt robbed though, not able to see it again. My street has sidewalks, they sure didn’t when I lived there, I still have gravel in my knee from wiping out learning to ride a bike. My school was gone when my daughter took us, now there is a new school I guess. The park is still there and the train tracks, it wasn’t the same though and I felt the loss of childhood. It was my favourite, the place, the school, the person I was then.

I have lived here longer than anywhere else, and yet I still call Ontario back home. Almost all of my mom and dad’s relatives are here, even when I go stateside and they ask where I am from, I have to stop myself from saying Ontario. It’s funny here in NB I didn’t expect to stay in one spot all this time. When the kids were growing up I know I didn’t want them shuffled around, but even now, wouldn’t hurt to have some changes. Hubby is a creature of habit, so you’ll know where to find me. Cleaning, most likely, as it is a lot of house! There is always yard work, pool work and sometimes seething because of the things I can’t do myself. I can get real impatient waiting for projects that I can only stare at! Another good thing about this weather, I can hop in the car or like this early AM, I can always go for a walk…

Loneliness can happen in a crowd, during a full blown gathering! People can be totally invisible in a group, some have perfected being invisible. I am totally comfortable either way. Sometimes I feel it is necessary to approach the invisible people. Let them know that they are valued, even if they don’t want to be seen or heard. A back ground is a good place to be, you can watch the process and determine the shortcomings or holes developing in a project. It does not mean less, it can mean smart! When things become stuck, it is the observers that can offer solutions without removing the limelight from attention seekers.

Know your place, when developing a plan for a group, the leaders tend to rise to the surface. This could be their natural state. It can be different from project to project, sometimes you just know this was made for you! You fall naturally into place. I don’t like picking parts, I like them evolving and choosing you. It feels more natural to just fit where a natural deficit lies. Leaders also notice when all the parts are not functioning. The position then is to help that part of the machine work. Not point out the flaws, not shame them, but to assist and guide, true leaders help not hinder.

Society should function like this too. People in power, would serve better to talk less and listen more. To fill in the deficits, instinctively knowing the best approach. Sometimes willing to be just an observer. Offering parts as they naturally surface. You don’t point out failure, you nurture all people involved. The only thing left is the accountability, admitting mistakes and honestly correcting them! Risk and achievement go hand in hand, there will always be the possibility of failure! Some people can just automatically step in and out seamlessly no effort required! It is the passion behind it that fuels the behaviour and creates an efficient system.

If you are not in first place you are last! Again this is perception, it all depends who you ask. When our oldest first attended school, my husband took her to school one morning, he was chuckling when he got home. I was intrigued on what the joke was. He told the story of these three little boys sprinting across the schoolyard to race to the wall. The first boy arrived, calling out that he was first, followed by the next one declaring second, the last one rolled up and exclaimed third!! There is no last place and that is how it should be! People can become very smitten about placement. I think it is something that is instilled, those particular children were quite young. Older kids become irate at the possibility of losing. I am always telling them, it is not for the gold or a million dollars and it will not matter in a week!

Would should we be teaching our kids to strive for? Perfection isn’t it, and more important how do we show it in our own lives? Screaming at sports teams? Searching the mirror for flaws? Going to the salon for changes we whisper about that mask our insecurities, that give us that youthful edge? Reading labels and ruling out foods that add the layers?? Promoting health is different than glorifying perfection, or is it? What truly is important? You can try and fight all of it, but it will find you, it has more to do with genes. What do you think you are avoiding? Loneliness? Divorce? Exclusion? Self worth? People that gravitate to just the perfect are shallow, they are not true friends! Friends lift you, they carry you over hurdles!

Do you think you are avoiding death? A life is not complete without death, a very smart someone told me that. How about strive for happiness. Try for acceptance not only for yourself but others, no judgements. Put blinders on and just look for someone’s heart, what do they actually bring to the table? How do they make you feel? Happiness, kindness these are the things that are staples. These are the things people will remember. Do you think at 85 you are gonna sit and chat about the days when you spent a decade chasing elusive chin hairs, and trying to starve yourself into a size four?? No, it will be about the times you laughed, it will be about the firsts and the lasts, it will be about the people that always made you feel good or loved. Money, looks is just a nope! A good long life that is what leaves the world in a better state! I’ll take third!

My kiddos weren’t restricted by certain gender expectations, I myself was the biggest tomboy to ever live! I lived in trees, sporting a bright orange ballcap and an oversized 7up t-shirt that never came off for an entire summer. I developed a muscle in my forearm from the amount of arm wrestling I participated in and won! My right arm still has the weird muscle protruding below my wrist. I punched more people in the stomach than I can recall. I could run like the wind and was never selected last for teams, I was like a secret weapon! Anything boys could do, I could do better. My kids played with dolls and guns, we were all ninja turtles and my daughter was the Digimon Tai wearing googles on her head for a whole summer!

My kids got more, dirt bikes, go carts, ice rinks, tree forts. I encouraged reading, music, art, acting, they joined whatever they wanted. They were kids for as long as they wanted, I didn’t rush them. The choices made in their lives were theirs, I was just a guide, sometimes hoping they would choose different. We took them on day trips to discover old places, natural history, nature itself, and the love for it all I can still see. I just wanted to instill love for life, to achieve happiness and self acceptance. The rules and the roles don’t matter if happiness is the goal. If that is where you arrive, it doesn’t matter how you get there.

Having kids is humbling, they can reveal your shortcomings real fast. They also bring out something some of us don’t even know is there, passion, fierceness, reality. It is so easy to say and judge and preach, having kids can shut you up real quick. Expectations and the true picture is beyond your comprehension. I am not talking about the ugly, I am talking about the place your heart goes, it is beyond you, it is bigger than you, it is so much more than you could ever know! I would never trade in my motherhood role, not in a million years, mistakes get made but it is an undying, unconditional love that stands against the tests of time!

I have to laugh at that one, it really is quite the presence now. Myself included, it is my watch, timer, calculator, flashlight, mirror, magnifying glass and notepad. It’s quite practical besides keeping you connected to your family and friends. It comes out for pictures or someone has a funny story to share or recent headlines. It is quite a replacement, if you have been replaced by the phone that sucks. It can phase out conversation, attention, and personal relationships. Kids are growing up with them in their hands, at stores and appointments, to keep them occupied, quiet. No more pacifiers, just handy devices! Hey I know what they can be like, I’ve had to step over mine and pretend they weren’t mine to get through the check out without acknowledging a tantrum over chocolate! You get to take a mini tv with you wherever you go!

I have ridden in my husband’s transport before and the amount of cell phone usage while driving is obscene! Now that it is illegal they hold it down lower, making it even more awkward to use, and more of a distraction. A lot of people don’t even care, sliding through red lights clearly holding their phone to their ear. On our recent trip to New York City, the entire walking population is talking to themselves as they make their way down city streets with ear buds poking out of their heads like an antenna! There really is no turning back now for some, it is the reality. Mindless distraction, geared to suck you in. Two minute videos, dramatic pictures, dirty laundry, and of course buy and sell, recommendations, jobs, it has it all. You don’t have to do too much in person now, and we trained hard for that during the pandemic! I still haven’t seen my own doctor in person since 2020. After a recent bout with the flu, I spent most of my evisit trying to send a picture of my throat to an online doctor.

I can enjoy non people things too I guess. It really is a little sad, to see some of the changes to personal interaction. My momma still calls me and I still call her. I text and almost expect no answer from most people, I know that I don’t walk around with my phone 24/7 either. I do try to limit my endless scrolling, and internet absorption. It can be too much to observe sometimes, seems to border on neglect for others. We all need to play power outage and reconnect, that’s what I did with my kids when the electronics went on for too long. Holster that bad boy and participate in your life and your families lives, before you all fall into the web of loneliness you are creating. You could be one distraction away from missing out on life…

Why do woman carry the weight of the world on our shoulders? We don’t feel good, we still struggle through daily tasks and meals, if it is humanly possible. The past is not consistent with our role. Sometimes we are depicted as feeble, swooning, weak and even a bit ditsy. Then another minute we are carrying water and gathering food, with children affixed to our sides. The mom role changes as well. How were you raised? I don’t remember being told I couldn’t because I was a girl. Momma would often tell me things weren’t lady like, chomping gum, spitting, swearing. I don’t remember a real division in our home, both parents cooked, worked, shopped, did dishes. We did have a cleaning day that mom and I did and dad worked on our vehicles. If I wanted to help on the vehicle, that was okay as long as I didn’t repeat the words I heard. As for my grandmothers, one liked quiet little princesses, spoke in hushed tones, and the other ran her house and it was quite clear, she washed, baked, hung laundry outside, scrubbed. She would give you your opinion, and might sock you if you didn’t agree. I definitely come from a line of fierce woman.

My grandmother raised eight and the other five. My own Momma raised one, somehow I had to figure out how to raise three. Being the rebel it had to be the new face of motherhood and a perfect blend of my female role models. Control all the situations, with a quiet voice. Hear all the secrets and still be a safe place to land.

Lesson number one, never give a consequence during the initial confrontation. When feelings are hot, it is not time to decide your child’s fate.

Number two, grounding a child, keeps you inside. Not fun, their consequence shouldn’t punish you.

Three, hit them where it hurts. Take away favourites, internet, game systems, an event or play date.

Lesson four, their pain, your gain. Get them to do the not so fun jobs, cleaning up dog doo, wiping walls, folding laundry.

My favourite, make it educational. Write a letter of apology, an essay, lines. One of my kids has the best printing!

You want to avoid the mom guilt that comes with making them sad, I know. I will tell you not making them accountable will create a monster. Bellowing out consequences that you have no intention of maintaining does nothing in the long run. They will not take you seriously, and they will be out of control. You need to find the balance, micro managing doesn’t help either. Kids afraid of getting in trouble just get better at lying and being sneaky. Just like a relationship, they should know what your deal breakers are. You will not end up with perfection, nobody is, but life will be manageable and that’s all we can really ask for.

Majestic animals, horses are symbolic of a lot of things, the are huge, I am terrified. I can pet them, behind a fence. I think they are beautiful, I used to go to the CNE as a kid and always went to see the Clydesdale horses! I went for a pony ride at a local park, I have ridden a camel and an elephant! There are always horse people, they know stuff about them, maybe a family member has one, not so much in the city. My husband had one when he lived in the outskirts of Toronto, he thought that would be a bonus for him, but I was impartial.

One of our first adventures pre marriage was horseback riding! There was a lovely green belt that had trail rides. We had already been camping, fishing, boating, travelled into caves, lakes and hiked a plenty. As city slickers, we were always out for adventure. We arrived at this lovely establishment, were we got to meet our impressive trail mates, pat their pretty faces and feed them long grass. Then you go up this ramp and sign a paper saying the company was not responsible for your death or any injury. Proceed along and the incline allows you to get on the horse without trying from the ground. My horse was kinda bucky and hubby’s was kind of nippy, really, because his was behind mine nipping, made mine bucky! I was eighteen, had no fears, and more laid back then.

The first leg of the journey was down a steep hill, he was bucky, but he was sure footed. I am not sure how high you are when you are on a horse, probably adding your torso on their back… like six feet? It was a little intense. At the bottom was a nice trail, hubby and I were near the back of the procession trotting along. Our trail leader suggested, we all take it to a canter heading to a meadow, where we would all take a nice break. We cantered, Bucky said, “No, I will gallop and race all you guys to the meadow, and win the race!” Bucky was winning, I was screaming, the trail leader raced after me, yelling for me to pull the reins and stop. Now I haven’t told you the sled story that ended with me into a tree, so ropes and I don’t mesh well! Above all of it, I heard my husband yell, “Jump!” Bucky was confused, he was doing weird things with his feet, and I let go of the ropes, put my legs on the one side and jumped, you know what Bucky did within a heartbeat of my jump? He stop, drop and rolled! I did not get back on the horse, the trail leader gave me the lead horse, she took hubby’s biter and asked hubby to ride Bucky back.

I didn’t give up on horses that trip, there was another that was after we were married and had kids. It was a wagon ride for a birthday party with my girls when they were two and four. Clydesdales pulling the wagon upset into the ditch, pitching us all in different directions, had PTSD for years going around curves in the road. We were all very lucky! The tipping motion stayed with us. About a month after it happened we went and watched Santa jump out of a plane at a local mall. Myself and two other moms in attendance on the wagon, panicked when we looked up to watch the jump, the three of us dived for cover, trying to get into the car. I think it triggered the tipping memory when we were looking up. I have successfully been on a sleigh ride and short wagon ride since, but with my legs hanging out, at the back, ready to jump. Spectacular animals, just not for me.

September will come again, it does every year. I see you and I watch, the mental checklists never stop. The radar goes up and everything is scanned for needs. Not just today, everyday. The never ending work begins, it doesn’t end, it rotates. Somedays the observers are loud, they know how to do everything better, fifteen things positive, but grabs the one negative and spreads it out like chewing gum, sticking to everything. Your skin is thick right? You have superpowers! Your are brilliant and are so lucky to have a job with all the perks, Christmas break, March, break, summers off! Right? Classes are huge and every single life in that room is impacted by you, they will move on and won’t remember. Then six or so years later a friend of a child you know, talks of a child that drops out..teachers don’t care… well one did, they say. You know who it is, you remember!

You pour out servings of love everyday, hoping everyone gets their fair share. Some days it is tough love, guidance and one on one, then we take off the training wheels and whisper ..”pedal. ” Sometimes it is uphill both ways. Sometimes when you stay beyond your latest day and go home with no more to draw upon, you still dream of them and ways to encourage their strengths while taking all of yours. All those days off, what do you do? Well folks they prep and plan and research how best to help, interventions and approaches. I had a chat with a young teacher prepping for a project they wanted to take on after the break, there was two more days of break and they still had to buy the supplies, with their own money..that basically is mediocre after student loan. Why? For the kids of course, something fun after report cards and a week of unscheduled time, to bring them back to learning.

Our school years are compromised so often, things out of our control. Needs can arise in an instant. The adults are pulled in different directions all day long. An intervention is cancelled, an employee is sick, a child’s home has changed, a new student has started in the class, or one has left. Kids feel things deeply! As the EA I always come bearing tissues, they have lives outside of school too. I had a little one break into tears during a writing project. I brought my tissue box and we went for a walk. The writing prompt was about dogs, and this dear little soul’s pup had been hit by a car on the weekend! We cried together, that happens, they need to be heard, we are human. Teachers are human, they need to be heard, they have lives outside of school too. Your child is part of that life, we have them roughly forty weeks, a lot gets done in that time. Ask a mother how much can get done in forty weeks.