I have to laugh at that one, it really is quite the presence now. Myself included, it is my watch, timer, calculator, flashlight, mirror, magnifying glass and notepad. It’s quite practical besides keeping you connected to your family and friends. It comes out for pictures or someone has a funny story to share or recent headlines. It is quite a replacement, if you have been replaced by the phone that sucks. It can phase out conversation, attention, and personal relationships. Kids are growing up with them in their hands, at stores and appointments, to keep them occupied, quiet. No more pacifiers, just handy devices! Hey I know what they can be like, I’ve had to step over mine and pretend they weren’t mine to get through the check out without acknowledging a tantrum over chocolate! You get to take a mini tv with you wherever you go!

I have ridden in my husband’s transport before and the amount of cell phone usage while driving is obscene! Now that it is illegal they hold it down lower, making it even more awkward to use, and more of a distraction. A lot of people don’t even care, sliding through red lights clearly holding their phone to their ear. On our recent trip to New York City, the entire walking population is talking to themselves as they make their way down city streets with ear buds poking out of their heads like an antenna! There really is no turning back now for some, it is the reality. Mindless distraction, geared to suck you in. Two minute videos, dramatic pictures, dirty laundry, and of course buy and sell, recommendations, jobs, it has it all. You don’t have to do too much in person now, and we trained hard for that during the pandemic! I still haven’t seen my own doctor in person since 2020. After a recent bout with the flu, I spent most of my evisit trying to send a picture of my throat to an online doctor.

I can enjoy non people things too I guess. It really is a little sad, to see some of the changes to personal interaction. My momma still calls me and I still call her. I text and almost expect no answer from most people, I know that I don’t walk around with my phone 24/7 either. I do try to limit my endless scrolling, and internet absorption. It can be too much to observe sometimes, seems to border on neglect for others. We all need to play power outage and reconnect, that’s what I did with my kids when the electronics went on for too long. Holster that bad boy and participate in your life and your families lives, before you all fall into the web of loneliness you are creating. You could be one distraction away from missing out on life…

Why do woman carry the weight of the world on our shoulders? We don’t feel good, we still struggle through daily tasks and meals, if it is humanly possible. The past is not consistent with our role. Sometimes we are depicted as feeble, swooning, weak and even a bit ditsy. Then another minute we are carrying water and gathering food, with children affixed to our sides. The mom role changes as well. How were you raised? I don’t remember being told I couldn’t because I was a girl. Momma would often tell me things weren’t lady like, chomping gum, spitting, swearing. I don’t remember a real division in our home, both parents cooked, worked, shopped, did dishes. We did have a cleaning day that mom and I did and dad worked on our vehicles. If I wanted to help on the vehicle, that was okay as long as I didn’t repeat the words I heard. As for my grandmothers, one liked quiet little princesses, spoke in hushed tones, and the other ran her house and it was quite clear, she washed, baked, hung laundry outside, scrubbed. She would give you your opinion, and might sock you if you didn’t agree. I definitely come from a line of fierce woman.

My grandmother raised eight and the other five. My own Momma raised one, somehow I had to figure out how to raise three. Being the rebel it had to be the new face of motherhood and a perfect blend of my female role models. Control all the situations, with a quiet voice. Hear all the secrets and still be a safe place to land.

Lesson number one, never give a consequence during the initial confrontation. When feelings are hot, it is not time to decide your child’s fate.

Number two, grounding a child, keeps you inside. Not fun, their consequence shouldn’t punish you.

Three, hit them where it hurts. Take away favourites, internet, game systems, an event or play date.

Lesson four, their pain, your gain. Get them to do the not so fun jobs, cleaning up dog doo, wiping walls, folding laundry.

My favourite, make it educational. Write a letter of apology, an essay, lines. One of my kids has the best printing!

You want to avoid the mom guilt that comes with making them sad, I know. I will tell you not making them accountable will create a monster. Bellowing out consequences that you have no intention of maintaining does nothing in the long run. They will not take you seriously, and they will be out of control. You need to find the balance, micro managing doesn’t help either. Kids afraid of getting in trouble just get better at lying and being sneaky. Just like a relationship, they should know what your deal breakers are. You will not end up with perfection, nobody is, but life will be manageable and that’s all we can really ask for.

Majestic animals, horses are symbolic of a lot of things, the are huge, I am terrified. I can pet them, behind a fence. I think they are beautiful, I used to go to the CNE as a kid and always went to see the Clydesdale horses! I went for a pony ride at a local park, I have ridden a camel and an elephant! There are always horse people, they know stuff about them, maybe a family member has one, not so much in the city. My husband had one when he lived in the outskirts of Toronto, he thought that would be a bonus for him, but I was impartial.

One of our first adventures pre marriage was horseback riding! There was a lovely green belt that had trail rides. We had already been camping, fishing, boating, travelled into caves, lakes and hiked a plenty. As city slickers, we were always out for adventure. We arrived at this lovely establishment, were we got to meet our impressive trail mates, pat their pretty faces and feed them long grass. Then you go up this ramp and sign a paper saying the company was not responsible for your death or any injury. Proceed along and the incline allows you to get on the horse without trying from the ground. My horse was kinda bucky and hubby’s was kind of nippy, really, because his was behind mine nipping, made mine bucky! I was eighteen, had no fears, and more laid back then.

The first leg of the journey was down a steep hill, he was bucky, but he was sure footed. I am not sure how high you are when you are on a horse, probably adding your torso on their back… like six feet? It was a little intense. At the bottom was a nice trail, hubby and I were near the back of the procession trotting along. Our trail leader suggested, we all take it to a canter heading to a meadow, where we would all take a nice break. We cantered, Bucky said, “No, I will gallop and race all you guys to the meadow, and win the race!” Bucky was winning, I was screaming, the trail leader raced after me, yelling for me to pull the reins and stop. Now I haven’t told you the sled story that ended with me into a tree, so ropes and I don’t mesh well! Above all of it, I heard my husband yell, “Jump!” Bucky was confused, he was doing weird things with his feet, and I let go of the ropes, put my legs on the one side and jumped, you know what Bucky did within a heartbeat of my jump? He stop, drop and rolled! I did not get back on the horse, the trail leader gave me the lead horse, she took hubby’s biter and asked hubby to ride Bucky back.

I didn’t give up on horses that trip, there was another that was after we were married and had kids. It was a wagon ride for a birthday party with my girls when they were two and four. Clydesdales pulling the wagon upset into the ditch, pitching us all in different directions, had PTSD for years going around curves in the road. We were all very lucky! The tipping motion stayed with us. About a month after it happened we went and watched Santa jump out of a plane at a local mall. Myself and two other moms in attendance on the wagon, panicked when we looked up to watch the jump, the three of us dived for cover, trying to get into the car. I think it triggered the tipping memory when we were looking up. I have successfully been on a sleigh ride and short wagon ride since, but with my legs hanging out, at the back, ready to jump. Spectacular animals, just not for me.

September will come again, it does every year. I see you and I watch, the mental checklists never stop. The radar goes up and everything is scanned for needs. Not just today, everyday. The never ending work begins, it doesn’t end, it rotates. Somedays the observers are loud, they know how to do everything better, fifteen things positive, but grabs the one negative and spreads it out like chewing gum, sticking to everything. Your skin is thick right? You have superpowers! Your are brilliant and are so lucky to have a job with all the perks, Christmas break, March, break, summers off! Right? Classes are huge and every single life in that room is impacted by you, they will move on and won’t remember. Then six or so years later a friend of a child you know, talks of a child that drops out..teachers don’t care… well one did, they say. You know who it is, you remember!

You pour out servings of love everyday, hoping everyone gets their fair share. Some days it is tough love, guidance and one on one, then we take off the training wheels and whisper ..”pedal. ” Sometimes it is uphill both ways. Sometimes when you stay beyond your latest day and go home with no more to draw upon, you still dream of them and ways to encourage their strengths while taking all of yours. All those days off, what do you do? Well folks they prep and plan and research how best to help, interventions and approaches. I had a chat with a young teacher prepping for a project they wanted to take on after the break, there was two more days of break and they still had to buy the supplies, with their own money..that basically is mediocre after student loan. Why? For the kids of course, something fun after report cards and a week of unscheduled time, to bring them back to learning.

Our school years are compromised so often, things out of our control. Needs can arise in an instant. The adults are pulled in different directions all day long. An intervention is cancelled, an employee is sick, a child’s home has changed, a new student has started in the class, or one has left. Kids feel things deeply! As the EA I always come bearing tissues, they have lives outside of school too. I had a little one break into tears during a writing project. I brought my tissue box and we went for a walk. The writing prompt was about dogs, and this dear little soul’s pup had been hit by a car on the weekend! We cried together, that happens, they need to be heard, we are human. Teachers are human, they need to be heard, they have lives outside of school too. Your child is part of that life, we have them roughly forty weeks, a lot gets done in that time. Ask a mother how much can get done in forty weeks.

My dad looked after his family, worked everyday, and in the early days, the weekend was his. Like clock work, Friday night the good old, real old, country music came on… and the good times rolled until Sunday morning. Forty Eight hours of roll the dice, come what may! Sometimes we would head to Hamilton from our Toronto home. Our best buddies had moved there, two friends I counted as sisters, and their parents were besties to my parents. Guitars were played, pizza was bought, us kids were left to do whatever and the Rents stayed late and long! We usually headed back home after midnight. Of all the years we travelled there, with the promise of staying for the night, maybe twice we actually did. Most trips home were the same, mom driving, stopping for dad to pee, then driving again until dad was asleep, mom pulling over for a little shut eye before the OPP came along to send us on our way.

This particular night, not quite summer, we headed home. The trip home was a science, we typically stopped at the cemetary just before the HWY, for the final pit stop. Not gonna lie, pops was inebriated, but if we didn’t make the stop, he didn’t fall asleep. So into the ‘final resting place’ we went. We always drove in quite a ways, obviously. Off he went, we waited,, heat on, waiting. We waited, and waited some more. I mean what was mom to do? Let the kid go look for him or leave the kid and go look for him yourself, after midnight, in the dark , in a cemetary. It was probably a good twenty minutes, we were going with the option to go together and look for him. Bam a hand slammed the passenger door and tore it open. After the initial shock we stopped screaming. Dad stood at the open door, his one pant leg was in shreds, his coat was missing and scratches were all over both of his arms! Mud, which at first I thought was blood was smeared across his cheek, and he was panting! We were terrified! ” What happenned to you?” mom said, thinking perhaps he was mugged or beaten up. He stared off for a minute catching his breath and stated, “Sasquatch got me!” He clambored in and insisted mom should hurry up and drive!

My best guess is, he got a little too close to the embankment that was pretty steep. So fall down there, and try and make your was back up, in the dark, with your pants…compromised. Makes the most sense.. thankfully he was able to get the hulk of himself back up. We wouldn’t of been able to do it, ‘dead weight’. At least he had the wherewithal to come up with a doozey! Goodtimes.

Yes it is an elephant 🙂 This is my third year writing my blog, over 100 posts, over 1000 views. Thank you! I actually feel quite emotional when someone tells me they read my blog. It is very therapeutic for me, I used to wear a pin that said, “Why be normal?” That sums it up for sure! I have been writing on a wing and a prayer, hoping for all the best! I hope that my words resonate with someone else, that they know that they are not alone, that life is not fair sometimes and we keep going. That they are reminded that tomorrow comes everyday, that they make an impact on someone that they have not even met yet. I want to make a difference, a change, a betterment in someone’s life.

I write regardless, I always have, may as well share. Keeps me sane, my version of sane. My mentor would tell me to just write and I would create something on the fly, just putting pen to paper. Apparently that is a thing, spirit writing. I still have a few of those early pieces that I have kept all this time. I don’t really get writers block, I just have so many veins to follow. I start many and write them out all at once, if it gets interrupted I have to get that vibe going again to finish it. I have sentences and paragraphs everywhere! When I actually get time, to slam on the keys I wrap it up.

I do it because I love it. I love the written word, I spent my childhood in so many other places because of books. Those are the types of books I like the best. The ones you open up and don’t come out of until you close it, the best ones you do not close until you are done. They are hard to come by, you know it when you start reading it that there is no walking away! I read one this year that I couldn’t stop reading, I feel bad for the family because no supper gets cooked, there is no conversation, nothing until I am done! I have a short list of some that I want to find and read in the coming good months, feel free to leave your recommendations!

Soon as the temperature starts to change, it erases all thoughts of winter. Instantly you pour yourself into all the tasks that have been on hold for so long! Raking, clearing out spaces, finding buried treasures lost to the snow, sometimes Christmas things still have to be put away. My favourite is planning all the summer spaces. What to plant, how to arrange the outdoor spaces, what new things to purchase to make calm, cute spaces! Deciding what needs an updo or redo!

The geese have returned, the deer are in the fields and ultimately in the roads in front of us, wearing spring fashions that blend in with their surroundings! My co worker had to stop for a duck. My favourite story was when my other co worker was late last spring because a flock of wild turkeys decided to cross the road, and to this day her impersonation of the turkeys is by far the funniest thing I have ever seen! I may need a video to store for low days! I think it was spring, if not, I am gonna say it was. I have bought seeds already, and surveyed the pool deck, there is a huge iceberg still in the pool! My parka is still out, and the clothes are not rotated yet, but there is time.

I hear a fabulous weekend is in store for us and we are so ready for that. Gonna squeeze as much out of it as possible! I think I have mentioned that the good weather sends me outdoors and I am not too keen on being inside when it is arrives. I also realize it is way too early to believe that it is here to stay, but I will take Mother Nature’s peace offering. She owes us after the March tease. Spring also brings the return of the appointments I put on hold over winter. Most excited for new glasses. There is a meteor shower in the wee hours of the morning April 23rd, glad I don’t need glasses for far away! The summer carrot is at least dangling and I am up for the chase!

It’s gotta be said, I have seen so many journeys lately within my friends, family and myself. The journey’s are lonely. Some are by choice, some don’t want to talk about it. Some can’t talk about it. It is often circular. Sad thing happens, support system develops, survival mode, shut down, shut up, withdraw. During the survival mode, shut down, shut up that is where you need to step in! When in doubt, do it anyways! When you want to help someone but your brain gets in the way, listen to your gut. It never has to be huge, just randomly reach out. Even if they never respond, reach out.

When my father passed away and two months later my father in law also passed away, it was months before I looked at messages in my inbox or cards sent. The people that patched the sore spots on my heart are the ones that came to the funeral home, that brought me food when I didn’t know I should eat, that let me cry when I didn’t know I had to, and that sent a message then and again weeks later as a check in. Sometimes these are not things we are taught. Growing up I never knew about showers, funerals, or even being a guest or a host. We lived in a city of strangers. I learned more on my visits to my rural family in New Brunswick. I remember going to a baby shower with my Aunt and the amount of food was amazing! I thought you had to have an invitation to a funeral, and had no clue that thank you letters are sent out after events with gifts. I remember an aunt telling my mother that I had no manners because she had stopped into see me and had not offered them a tea. I had no idea that I was suppose to, I thought they had come to see me and my family.

My son has gone blind, I still haven’t dealt with me yet, because I am watching him deal with it himself. He is great, funnier than ever, he is optimistic, he is a powerhouse! He is also alone, in the dark, all the time. The Canadian Institute for the Blind has all social events on hold since Covid. His friends are also his family, he gets so excited when they visit. He uses google to call his sisters! He has a few people that he can talk to, lots have fallen away, it is too awkward. Not sure why, maybe they are afraid he will be offended because they can see. It’s normal town around here. I remember the first dinner we all got together after he went completely blind. My one daughter was quite upset that we were joking about her brother attempting to go across the street, he was making jokes as well. He kept telling her it was fine, she insisted it wasn’t funny, and then he dropped his fork on his plate. She attempted to guide him to get the fork without interfering. So she was like, “just reach down, it is right there” and he said, “where? I can’t see” she said, “ in the middle, go down, more, more…” his hand ended up in the potatoes and we all laughed and the light bulb of understanding went on! That is how it goes, there is no etiquette with this new thing, it is the elephant in the room. You just deal, you just do it, everyday. Like he says, “you can’t change it, there is no sense in wallowing in self pity.” So we do, every day.

Not sure when the shift took place, but if you are on the train, good luck getting off the train. Look I did it too, not to the same degree as some, and not for the same reasons, but I did it. When my girls were little I bought chocolate, usually a dress, and spring toys like bubbles, skipping rope or chalk. After my son was born and two of my kids became diabetic, we shifted to an egg hunt, usually shoes or a jacket for the new season, outside toys, maybe a Disney movie and a video game. After all it couldn’t be just junk food. To be fair I wasn’t a mom that bought stuff for my kids every time I went to the store.

On a recent trip to Costco, the cart loads I observed, were atrocious. I was hoping the amount of chocolate in the cart was not for just one child! I don’t know, it just seems commercialism is rampant and people are becoming materialistic. Everyone has their own thing, and I know that feeling of having nothing for so long, that getting and giving feels good! For me chocolate in the house is a lost cause. It is an uncontrolled addiction, I already purchased the smallest solid milk chocolate bunny the last time I grocery shopped and devoured it on the way home! I can’t have it in the house, I totally forgot about jellybeans until today… love them too! The old kind, where red and white ones are sweet, and the green ones are mint. Mmmm, serious addiction, sorry kids to let you find out this way but I stole Halloween treats and broke pieces off the backs of your bunnies when you were at school…

Good these things have been replaced with home cooked Easter dinner and everyone is grown. My son did ask for a small white bunny, I said no, they are hard to find and it may not make it to the house if I did. The Big E bunny will bring a small package of eggs for a hunt as per requested, that is all! Those eggs are secured although I did open a bag of coloured marshmallows.. they are almost gone.

Spring holds half and half feelings, I am not a fan! The dog crap in the back yard gets soggy. The mud gets tracked everywhere. Bugs start to come out but there is no warmth. It just seems damp and dirty for weeks! The days that do seem warm, are just a tease. Too cold to swim, too muddy to hike, and not enough heat to sit outdoors.

When I was a kid, I loved it! Mud puddles really did look like chocolate milk, the kind you made with powder! There were two high rises on my way home from school. They were separated by a driveway. One really rainy week the manholes in front of each building were surrounded in the perfect combination of mud and water. I had white rubber boots and I remember sloshing in the first puddle, just enough to get my boots perfectly smeared in mud, but only enough to coat them, not overflow to the inside. Then I would continue up the road with a perfect chocolate coating to the second one. There was something satisfying about sloshing enough to make them beautiful again. My son was just telling me about this video game where you pressure wash stuff and how relaxing and satisfying it was, and I totally understand that! I wish I could explain it to my dad the day he parked between puddle one and two. Of course I got in trouble for having dirty boots and not caring for my things. Days of doing this, if he had of picked me up at school or after puddle two, he would of been none the wiser, and I would of been in the clear!

Spring does hold hope. It offers little glimpses of summer. To be honest it has days that offer rest and peace from winter. I guess I should really embrace the season, use it to get ready for the summer. Get all my inside stuff done, because I am never inside once summer arrives! I suppose I should get some spring cleaning done, well maybe after things dry up outside or when I can throw all the windows open! Oh look, it’s snowing…..