If life were simple, nodding would suffice as affirmation to a question. It isn’t though, it goes in through the ears, into the brain, gets the gut response, then it has to wallow through all the negative and positive emotions that follow through the scenarios that play out in your mind. For me it does anyways, before it was based on what others thought of me or even if they thought of me at all. Now, not so much, I know my trials, my life is bigger than what you see, most people’s lives are! Multidimensional, the ultimate 3D puzzle! Think what you like, you do not wade down my path, nor do I wade down yours. The funny thing is, when you get into someone’s life details, it is so surprising what they are actually living with every day. No matter what you think, no one has it easy! One of my close friends growing up had it all, looks, money, brains, never studied for anything, but was she happy? That is the million dollar question, happiness is a hot commodity!

Things can happen in your life, early on or even later, that impact everything else. These reactions may not happen right away, sometimes they are triggered. You have no idea what triggers or even motivates some people! You may not even know what they are for you. Happiness can not be bought, this so true, people reach for more and more, but have nothing. If we were all stripped down without the life lessons or experiences, maybe our reactions would be the same. Alas we are not and you should not wager on how someone will receive you. Not judging a book by the cover spills over to humans as well. Believe me, the whole human race is judge and jury on every one they meet regardless. My hope is that people will form an opinion on actually interacting with someone, and maybe even on the third or fourth meeting. If I can give a restaurant a second chance, surely we can give people one too!

This also shines a light on us as well. So quick to judge those that form quick opinions. They have layers too, they may have things they suffered that you have no knowledge of. Perhaps they have a history of being judged harshly, or not judged at all, so they have nothing to measure themselves against. This goes back to the saying that babies don’t come with a manual. If reading people was so easy, there would be no mental illness, anguish, anxiety or depression. Some people don’t even give any thought to what makes them tick, and sometimes it is the ticking of the clock that makes us dive into ourselves. So many stages in your life, at some point you do need to focus on yourself. My wish for you, is that you find what makes you happy!

I sit at the back of the room, I like seats that face the space, I am creeped out to have my back to the unknown. My vantage point, I see plenty. From this spot I see the manners, the respect, celebrations, the struggling, and can insert myself where needed. Lately I have been witness to the silent. Do you ever watch an infant when their parent come into view. Some reach, some squeal with delight, some of the firsts are in-chase of the favourites, parents are in that category, right up there with food! Catching candid moments of this bond, this yearning is adorable. My son as a toddler, would stand at the screen door awaiting his Daddies arrival. He would bounce when he came into view, hollering “Hi!” over and over!

Much like these affectionate moments, we catch glimpses of the not so nice, usually just a small snippet of character. No one likes to be caught being unkind. I once went around the corner when I was a teen to take the subway and interrupted a couple arguing. The man was not so kind, and he had a firm hold on the woman and dropped his hands and stepped back as I came around the corner.. leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Now little kids, sticking out their tongue at another, but then are hugging the same child within moments, they hold nothing in, lacking impulse control. The meanest thing they come up with is the infamous Birthday Party invite, even if their party was yesterday. The problem solving is not complex.

I work in special education and I love it. I love the real authentic child without the filters. The one that yells out their feelings, especially the happy feelings, so infectious. When hugs really count, when a Kleenex is a clean up and start over prompt! When success is a high five and a sticker. When they hear that is great so much, that they repeat it to those they feel have done their best. When your repeated praises are now the ones they say. One that really got me in the feels was a little one, that constantly held his hand out when his bus mates got off the bus to go to the middle school. The ones exiting the bus could not see his reaction, as they were on their way off the bus. But you know when a hockey player puts the puck in the net and skates off and does the ching ching arm movement in celebration? That is the motion he did in his seat after any kid gave him that simple high five. That was his accomplishment and he celebrated every time, without anyone even knowing. I love all of it!

Ever notice how children turning three will stutter? Their minds race with all they know and what they wanna say. Add expanding vocabulary and they stammer with explanations, stories and responses. We are in part to blame. They mumble and fumble and we just want to problem solve, let’s face it, fix it and move on. There are dinners to make, other children to tend to, an appointment to get to, the list never ends! Maybe get them to pause and then and get down to their level and hear them! Listen with all of you, your eyes, a steadying hand, make a connection. They just want to be heard.

Kids do not rush, we tell them what to do constantly and how to do it. Sometimes the speed of these requests are the only thing they can control. Once you give control back to them, most comply so much faster. I know, I like me some control! Independence will do that to a person. We are in a big rush to get them grown, when they become independent we get some time for ourselves again. Some people still believe that children should only be seen and not heard, that they should only speak when spoken to. You know the ones, they raised perfect kids, and tell stories about how they made their grown child cry at the last family dinner.

Micro managing things is too much! They are miniature people, don’t devalue them. Don’t let others devalue you them either! Step around them in a line, like they aren’t there. I would allow my kids to purchase something and watch from a distance. Social skills, wait your turn, ask for what you need, count out money..make mistakes. Unfortunately there are people out there that are annoyed with kids, demand respect, and do not give respect. They need to learn how to deal with that too, with respect. Have their backs, when they deserve it, and accountable for what they do. Kids are the hardest thing to grow!

I have always wanted things to be even, my brain says you need to distribute evenly. When renovating or decorating two makes more sense. It doesn’t but in my mind it does. Symmetry is visually appealing to me. That is how I see it with inanimate objects, now add people. I work in a huge class with a ton of kids. I had three kids of my own. Nothing symmetrical in either of those situations. I think if you give what is needed, when needed that helps achieve equality among groups.

Your presence is always essential, but someone is always in the light. When you are recognizing the one in the light and at the same time you are trying to drive the ones in the shadows out to reach their potential, that creates the balance. It’s like making a huge dinner for a large group of people. Some have food sensitivities, some will not eat certain foods, someone is arriving late. The older ones like traditional food, the younger ones have issues with how things touch on the plate. You are the conductor, the orchestra is huge, you start low, bringing in each section of the strings, winds into the presentation. You raise the music up and bring it back down to the close of the song. The meal is the same, you know which vegetables take the longest to cook, you know what can appease the nibbles until the meal is ready and you have the best dessert to end the meal.

It is the ability to to give to those that need the most at the time, that creates a uniform space. It’s hard to learn that “the same” is not balance. Also, “not the same” is not unfair. The spectators are always screaming about how others are being treated different, that there are favourites. It is so easy to watch from the outside and say things are not equal. To recognize needs and soothe them when required is balance. To stabilize the balls in the air is to keep things even! It is the unbiased that can see the value of this skill.People love to point out when you drop the ball! They love to compare and criticize, even if they have never juggled! We need to shut that down, we have people we pay to judge. They are the only ones who have the right to. You need to turn deaf ears on your critics. Maybe hear them, but recognize they may not be right! That their criticism is not coming from a place of love.

My fuse goes on for days, it stretches around furniture and goes out one window and back in another, it goes up and down the stairs, behind the sofa, you get the point? It takes awhile for me to blow a gasket. Sure I get miffed, annoyed, ticked, but real angry takes awhile. Mostly I stuff it in the couch cushions and sit on it for awhile, so that it gets hot and bubbly and is no longer contained. It’s rare, it doesn’t serve me well, I find stone cold anger gets more results, unlike uncontrolled fury.

I believe assertion is more valuable than aggression. Let’s face it, not much is accomplished when you lose control. How can you advocate for anything in that state? Angry people just make more angry people or scared people. Just not helpful! I talk, maybe not in the moment, but take it in and then talk it out. I also clam up, when everything is loud and angry, my brain turns off. It is an old coping strategy, might as well fight or argue with a dish rag. I say nothing, I can not think. Mostly I want to leave, part of me wants to duke it out. I was a true, flight, fight !

Maturity is a good thing! Deep breaths, shake it off, move away for a moment, stay silent for a minute. Then try again, it’s a good thing to teach kids. Breathe, vent, move on. You can not change anyone or anything except you. Worry about that person, number one! Anger serves no one, solves nothing. Reactions need to be kept in check, response is where it is at! Make sure the response is respectful and made with love!

Do you know how many things I have missed out on because of fear? I am not afraid of spiders, snakes, heights or being alone. I am afraid of the unknown. I like to know how things work, I like to be in control of my environment. I base my decision before I even try. Sometimes there is just no rhyme or reason to it.

I have zip lined across a river more than once. One of those times, I had to be rescued because I didn’t make it all the way and stopped short of the platform. I thought it was awesome and would do it again! I hate riding on the back of a four wheeler, I will not jump off a bridge into water. I can go up in the CN tower, I will hike or swim in underground caves. My rationale buttons seem to be askew. Terrified of riding a horse, but will hold reptiles and pet wild animals. I really don’t get it.

It is all fine, we are who we are! For me, it is the regret, the lost moment. I know some of my stuff is irrational, but some is just fear itself. I actually worry more when I watch others do stuff. My daughter is an awesome mom, when her daughter gets nervous she just simply states, “You are gonna regret it.” That is what I need to remember, if it is not a deadly deed, just do it. I have always wanted to go on one of those four wheel water bikes or a Catamaran, opportunity has come and gone. I regret it, I need that do over! My brother in law was gonna take me on his Harley! Backed out, missed out, regret it!

For me I think I need to make the decision. No pestering, no boss or insisting. If someone said, I am gonna do this on __ day, join me? Then let me have time to decide, with no influencers, I would have a better chance of saying yes. Some things, just saying them in my head is a huge screaming No! I know that I will get out on a catamaran and a Harley. I also know that I will never jump off a cliff into the water below. I also know, never say never!

So if you are about resolutions and you have made goals, Bravo! If you have not, or already dropped them, good try! I have started a Joy Jar, everyday I write something specific that has brought me joy. On a specific date, you pull them out and reminisce over these accumulated moments. You can also keep track of what prevents joy and then decide how to avoid hurdles in the way. Implementing exercises to help recognize time wasters in your day so you can be your most productive self.

Brain space robs me of joy! I am guilty of not taking time to deal with things throughout my day. When you don’t say what you think or maybe feel about something or if you don’t ask for help, you can not move forward with certain things. I mean brain storming should give you a solution, ultimately that is the point. If you find you are constantly pointing at others and giving them the power to be your obstacle, then you are not taking any ownership.

You are your advocate for change, for reaching your potential. Sometimes you need to put things aside and delegate so others can take over for you while you do the things you want or even need. I used to insist on making my own sandwich, because I couldn’t trust someone to make it the way I like it. Let people practice being you, let them try on your footsteps. It will not be 100% you, but perhaps a close second! Then maybe for a minute you can grow and be the you, that you strive to be!

We have so many things that just are in life, that you never think to see it any other way. Everything we do has just been, and we do it without question. When we challenge the same old, or when someone asks us to see it another way, it is so foreign. My dad used to do that, and now my son does. Why do we have time change, why do we have calendars? What if there is a parallel universe? What if we removed money as a motivator?

I recently decided not to be buried. It is totally out of character for me. I always assumed I would go in the ground and have even tried to narrow down where my final resting place would be. This fall, after standing at my Dad’s grave, it just came to me. I would never want my people to stand at a stone and look for answers. To have some place that you are pulled to, or feel guilt about not going to. My dad is not there! I have gone, looking for solace, refuge and maybe even found it. I do not need his grave to find it. A picture or a memory can do the same. Mostly I feel loss standing there.

I want to give blood and donate my organs and my ideas always seem to take others by surprise. I like different and I like practical. I am always dreaming up foundations to help others. Usually ones that would be created after the times in my life that were hardships. Life changing moments that you know others will experience. Wouldn’t it be nice to be part of the solution, in someone’s dilemma? It starts with one, right?

Maybe in a parallel universe, there is a version of my self doing that right now. Did you know that New Years used to be mid March, and that some countries don’t have daylight savings time? If money prevents us from doing grandiose gestures that could help our fellow man, perhaps the elimination of money and just a person’s desire to do good, would make this and all of us better people! We can do more, and for this family Be More.

I worry about my visual past being erased. This building still stands, not sure for how long, my parent’s wedding reception was held here in 1967. The church where they were married has burnt down. The elementary, or rather one room school house, also gone. Some of the homes they lived in are still standing. Momma was in the USA for her beginnings and I still want to see that. Her and I did a google earth tour of her childhood neighbourhood during Covid, which I loved! Still want to see the real thing. I am still drawn to my Grammies house, and although it is on a dead end street, I still drive by. There is a house still standing where dad and his seven siblings lived, they must of been stacked like pancakes. Dad talked about the snow coming in between the boards with the wind some days!

My mom’s homestead, that belonged to our original ancestors was for sale in the more recent past. I wanted it, I didn’t pursue it, but I secretly pined for it. I looked at the listing constantly. Didn’t make sense to purchase it, not practical at all, but it called to me. I had never been in it, well as an infant I suppose. Seems weird that someone else now roams through it. My daughter while out with friends, was talking about their childhood homes. She was lucky enough to be able to say we are still in it. It created quite a stir in the conversation. She was over the other day and we were talking about all the changes. We used to have six bedrooms, now we have five and I am sure we have rotated through all of them at one point or another.

When we are gone, they will have way too many pictures, mini clips, audio and video of our past! My oldest inquired about a school picture the other day and I sent K through to Graduation! I have books of cute phrases and childhood stories, old school work, badges, all of it. They will have no trouble travelling their pasts. It is one of my soft spots in my declutter process, I allow it, because it feels good! I like getting lost in it, a representation of our lives and past as a family.

New Years Eve! I almost bought into the mass hysteria of the last day of the year crap! So instead I went out, so mild today and just poked around here and there, switched myself into easy mode. No panic cleaning, no craze to complete stuff. I did little to nothing, it was great! Whole bunch of nothing! Momma’s voice played a bit, “ clean house on New Years, clean house all year.” I’m replacing the voices. The house is clean because I clean it, and if I don’t, a little grunge never killed anyone!

We need some of the auto voices, ones that allow us to react rationally. Getting into panic mode because of the voices, that’s when you have to push mute. Or as my dad used to say, “Delete, delete!” That makes me laugh. Auto voices can also keep us safe, reminding us that we could be in danger and keeping our Spidey senses sharp! Staying on alert and overplaying possible scenarios, that is a hard No. I have enough trouble replaying my day at 2 am instead of sleeping! When you are on vacay, at least lost sleep can be regained, by sleeping in. This is something I have achieved and I couldn’t be happier!

If my inner voice isn’t a cheerleader that is going to encourage me, well then it can stay silent. Should be the same for the people in your life, no one wants to scrub off the daily negativity that can accumulate in a day. This might be a time to check in with yourself and make sure you are not that day wrecker of those around you! Have a great New Year folks! Aim high and love, always love.