I am not much of a resolution person, I think it is too much pressure for one day. Life goals should be flexible. They should be something you visit regularly. If you pledge all of your changes for the start of the year, you mess up in three days and give up. You need to fail to learn, mistakes are human, you can start over. New year, new start, of course you can. If you don’t that also is okay, there is the next day. Go easy on yourself, goals should be ongoing. Hubby and I used to have mini meetings with each other deciding the 5 year plan. Naming some of the things that we were aiming for in the future. We didn’t write them down, sometimes we would make fun of the naive plans we had made. Days come and go, don’t stress.

New Years should be a celebration of surviving another year, and praying you make it through another! One thing you learn pretty quick, things can happen that change everything. The eggs should not all be in the same basket, spread them around, like an Easter egg hunt. Forward moton, love with your whole heart, every day! Celebrate the people in your life, enjoy every scrap of happiness you can find. Yes, you should look for the things that give you warm and fuzzy feelings. What is precious to you? Focus on that, forget the rest! Accept what is, trust that things will come that you need. You can slow this pace down, be patient, laid back, calm.

I am a planner, organizer, I can be pretty rigid and stubborn…I have learned that about myself. Maybe go into the New Year learning about your self. It is a lot easier letting go of negative ideas and thoughts when you know more about where they came from. Then take some time, to like yourself, all the flaws, I assure you there is more to you then that! Whatever you decide is your choice, no judgement. Life really is what you make it.

When my folks headed to the big city from the East Coast, my dad set out ahead. He secured a job and place to live and then sent for me and Momma to join him. We took the train to get to Ontario, landing in Union Station. On a recent trip to Ontario, hubby and I went to Union station. I couldn’t stop taking pictures. I grew up in Ontario, I was an avid subway user and had been downtown Toronto plenty of times. I don’t recall being there at any time after my initial arrival. It still felt familiar, I have memories starting at three, this would of been when I was two. Would that memory be in there? It would have been life changing, monumental in a toddlers life, the place is impressive. I have no recollection of a train ride or arriving, non of it, but this place sparked something.

History and how we connect with it is a passion of mine. Our own histories are plumb full of all kinds of details. When I was a kid I loved the stories my folks shared of thier childhoods, not just the, “we walked to school both ways uphill,” kind. The guts of thier childhood, the woes, the moments when they were the heros and sometimes the zeros. I think kids need to know that life isn’t a cake walk. They need to know, you can come from nothing and do better, that you can have it all and lose it. We tend to protect them so much they don’t know the tales of woe and then they expect white picket fences and rainbows, which lets face it, takes time to establish. Sometimes it is not attainable.

The generations before us are full and rich in memories. When I go to the Seniors home to visit my family, anyone in the common area that wants to talk, I listen. I absolutely love the recollections! A gentleman shared one of his wedding day. He was so animated in his tale, such a nice man and his passion for this vivid moment almost made me cry. I could spend all day there, I know why my daughter loves her job. We need to preserve every ounce of history we can. Our own, others, good, bad, ugly, all of it is important. It has a place in this world and we should be sure the pass it on.

Always two steps behind, or way ahead! This is okay, there are no pace rules except the ones you create in your mind. It is certain that we need to let go of this rigidity that we create. Somehow we tend to allow others to dictate the how and why. There are real rules in life that we must play by, no give on those. Your play by play for yourself are yours alone. Get up early, sleep in. Stay up late, go to bed early. These are for you to decide, no judgement, it is of no ones concern. Why are we so moved by other’s opinions?

I woke up this am, all quiet in the house, I allowed myself to lounge in bed, planning, thinking, resting. It was after nine when I left my room, grabbed my phone, got my coffee and did nothing. Had a missed message, family was coming in for a visit. I did not panic, I did not clean, I did not get dressed. Had a three hour visit that was so relaxing. Conversations leading to laughter, catching up on all of this speedy life has to offer. It is mid afternoon and I have done nothing yet pertaining to my home. Just my own self love has been in the forefront today. Will this feel the same, when those desired retirement days come?

Am I lazy? Why would I even think that? What do we measure ourselves against? My family is cared for, that is first and it is done. Clean clothes to wear, food made most of our meals. I even have implemented a few new ones for this coming year that have been a big hit. I guess I am just calm and I am not used to it. Christmas comes in a big rush, it comes, ready or not. I like this part, this calm afterwards. I’m gonna grab a book and read it cover to cover. Do for yourself, just one day…you deserve it!

I am not a winter person, I say it all the time. It isn’t true, I like big fat flakes, I like walking in them. I like winter activities, skating, sledding, snowshoes, snowman and snow angels! What I don’t like is lack of daytime, frigid temperatures, driving in dangerous conditions. I am cold and tired all through the winter. The season seems to be less tolerable. I could hibernate.

Today is a fat flake day, it is not a necessary travel day, I like it! Outside in the snow, the air seems different, like we are in another world. The sounds are different, it reminds me of a snow globe, what it might feel like to be inside one. The ground and the sky are one, you can hear better, almost cozy, perhaps that is where the phrase blanket of snow came from. I expect to see children out in it, but they seem to be scarce nowadays. The snow brings back childhood, mine, and my kids. I wonder what this current generation will feel when they are grown and see snow, will it just blend in with all the other days. As you age, memories are windows into other times and places, I hope that kids are making memories that stand out. An internet generation is being created and I worry the real experiences are being put aside for cyber ones. Hopefully most families have a good balance between the two.

Times have changed and time is valuable. Everyone is busy with their stuff. Sometimes keeping kids in and engaged in activities is more productive than, getting them outdoors, maybe even more peaceful for some families. My son said something the other day that had me pause, it was part of a quote and something akin to, ” saying you don’t have time, is comparable to saying you don’t want to. ” Me, being the grey area gal, debated this with him for a bit. Focusing on mothers, I see sides to this, mothers throughout motherhood is multi faceted. It is not black and white, there is working mom, kids in activities, many children, illness, multigenerational homes, the scenarios are endless. Our conversation had to do with time and me using or over using the phrase…” If I have time.” ” I don’t have time.” “I’ll put that on my list, and see if I have time.” Was I using these phrases to replace or avoid saying, ” I don’t want to.”

Sometimes there are words that just hit a chord, they make you take stock or just pause and reflect. That is all this is, everyone has their own personal take on it. It is not judgement, it is just a check in. It is okay to not want to, just like it is okay to say what you feel or think without guilt.

Christmas has always held magic for me. I believe and because of that it will always be the best day, filled with love. The kids are grown and that will always make it different. We still are in our home of their youth, so the rooms echo with Christmas past. I see them gathered around the tree, the wonderment, the true joy that the day brought. That fills you with a different kind of loss. Loss of time, that we can only visit in our minds. We have grandkids so of course we get a piece of that when we go to our daughters for her fabulous dinner and our family gathering.

This year hubby really had the feels for the past when they were all little. He said it out loud, many times leading up to Christmas morning. Our son, 27 and recently blind hearing his father’s angst the past few days. Brought in the day with a bang. He came down the our room in the morning at 7 sharp. Pounded on the door with military force, causing our labrador to go into full alert, scrambling to her feet and barking like an intruder breached the premises. Our son then broke into full Christmas carols, no regard for the words, mashing them with other songs( much like his dad). He drummed through the house, gesturing widely, singing ditty’s about getting out of bed. He awed through his gifts, sniffing each one, shaking them, of course this was after they were unwrapped, yelling out guesses of what he thought they were. Actually he was bang on for most of them. He was animated and insistant and brimming with happiness. He is a blessing.

It has been some kind of year. Some years are, and sometimes you think they are but after time passes you see they were not all that bad. How you deal with things is a choice. I believe everything is a choice, but that makes me a bad choice person. I choose love and happiness and will try harder this year. A have the perfect role model in my house, not just in actions. His words are uplifting, his motto on life is outstanding, he is Christmas everyday!

Find your most common negative thought and break the pattern. I try to find time every morning to decide my day. What that means is that I lie in bed and prioritize! I like to do it before anyone else puts their spin on it. I may not follow through that day, but at least it is in the plan. My calendar fills up pretty fast, I always thought it would be less as time went on. I hauled out an old calendar, it is less! I don’t know how I did it back then! By the time my first coffee is done I am ready to roll. Let’s get real these are not major tasks, my husband will call and ask about my day, ask what I am doing and I always say nothing. Really it is same old, same old, but it is a lot. Everyday things are a lot of things! I don’t just sit around doing nothing, actually my feet are tired at the end of the day, because sitting doesn’t happen. That is the way I like it, busy!

I am always working on myself and my space. I like things uncluttered, I like simple, I like clean. You can come to my house and see I am not a master, but it is my system that works for me. Routines and patterns, makes me happy! To explain how it goes sideways for me, is control. I say I am getting better at this, but quite frankly that is not true. The fact is, nothing is off balance, I am the scale, things on the plate, things off the plate. Nothing coming at me that is new or different. I can be very spontaneous, because I choose it, I can do new things because I want to. For me it is the have to, someone else guiding my ship and taking away my navigation. Not having time to visualize or think. That is where it goes awry, and also why I don’t see it in myself. I am doing all the things I want, familiar, constant. Put someone else in charge of me and make everything unpredictable and rigid, my brain acts like there are fireworks in my head.

I have been paying pretty close attention to my behaviour, thoughts and reactions. I have learned some real valuable things about myself. I know that I am always calm during the storm. I have some pretty good coping mechanisms in place. I can be a pillar of support and keep everyone around me solid. It is the fallout afterwards that I have to learn how to manage. I am great at saving everyone else, and then drown silently afterwards. When things are beyond my control, I double down the control, I have OCD overdrive, just to be in control of something. This is some self discovery that I am glad to know! Now the real work begins.

I am suspicious of everything nowadays. People are getting scammed, swindled, hacked on a regular basis. Things that were so authentic previously are creating quite a front for shady dealings. The banks, CRA, postal service, are being used in the fraud lure to make things seem authentic. I do nothing on the phone. If it’s real, send me registered mail. I am probably one of the rare few that has a house phone. I have less than a handful that actually call me on it, not sure why I still have it, telemarketers use it the most!

I mean a lot of the time it is a joke, some are quite repetitive and we all have heard of them. I think there should be more we can do to protect ourselves. The Boomers are often being targeted and it is quite concerning! I find myself even questioning the authenticity of the scams. I often won’t say hello when I answer the phone of a number I don’t recognize, because someone said the latest scam was getting you to say yes, was all they needed. Mostly the answering machine takes the call. Recently we had a lot of calls because of upcoming surgery and answering the phone seemed necessary.

I haven’t seen a phone book in years and am appalled they are able to get our number, even worse now they are calling the cell! Hard to trust anyone, I answered a call from my bank and refused to confirm anything with them, because I didnt believe it was them. Email is the same, I have filled out ballots to win things, then recieve notice I have won, but did I?

Now the media is under scrutiny, they know what gets views. Are our opinions being swayed? Are we being fed info that isn’t true? Are things being exagerated for ratings and views? Or worse, are things being omited? How do we really know? When you hear that the russian leader has blocked media to his people, so they don’t hear about the dealings in Ukraine… kinda makes you feel sick. When you watch independent news people report something that the media has portrayed in a different light…who is getting scammed? I don’t know anymore, I think I am happier that way. I guess you can never be too careful…be cautious friends!

It is so easy to walk the negative mile, it is uphill both ways, I get stuck there sometimes. I give myself a challenge when I realize I am on that desolate path, to change directions. How? Right? Practice, if you make it into a goal. Today you are not allowed to say anything negative, the thoughts can be in your head, but do not utter them. Negativity, if you look for it , you will find it. Being positive can be more work and that is why you need to practice.

My husband and a friend of mine planned a day trip, we were off to find a suspension bridge and a waterfall. The day of our adventure it was pouring rain and we set out anyways. The suspension bridge, turns out was in a National park and we had to pay $20 per person to cross a glorified footbridge in the pouring rain. This was during Covid and we were in the boonies, places were not allowing you to use their washrooms and we finally found an information center with portable bathrooms. The stench was unreal, but when you gotta go, you gotta go. Meanwhile my friend had gone into the info center and it had a glorious bathroom… you know flushing toilets and running water. When we returnned to our vehicle, my friend up ahead of us, almost got into the wrong truck! We continued our journey and we ended up on a cow path, cringy worthy, listenning to the branches scrap past us. We came out to a large parking area with a little coverred bridge. On the otherside was the road we could of used to get there, but that only meant we were going to have to go back the same way. We did not know which way on the river to follow. A man was on the bridge wearing a swim suit, robe and a large stick and we were able to get the information we needed. The sun was out, but we were still wet, tired and now hungry. The waterfall was beautiful, but we did not stick around, no one wanted to be on the cow path after dark. My husband complainned about food the whole drive back to civilization. Sounds pretty bleak I know. I will tell you, when we tell the story now, we howl with laughter about the time we were on this mission. We talk about how we should of let our friend get in the wrong vehicle, served her right for using the nice washroom. We talk about the man with the robe and a staff as Jesus, who showed us the way to the waterfall. and it was the best day!

Yes things happen and they can be awful, but are they? Is it in your head? I kept a gratitude journal for thirty days. Three things for thirty days, some days I had to dig deep, some days I had to wait until the day after to write things for the previous day. They were there, there is always something, practice. Breathing is a blessing, two feet and a heartbeat, blessing, home, family, love.

When my father passed away, we recieved family and friends into our home afterwards. It was cold that July day, my Momma wanted me and the kids to go to the back deck. Momma yelled, “We will not remember this day with sadness! Let’s go!” We all jumped into the freezing cold pool, fully dressed in our funeral attire. Guests may have thought we were nuts, (we are) but in all those blurry days, that is what stands out.

Life is what you make it, shitty deals and all! You can not change the deck, but you can do the best with what you have. Look for something good, practice, do what it takes. Like I told the kids when they were small, it doesn’t matter if you win or lose, play hard, have fun!

Moments happen and I recall it as a dream, that already happened. Then there are moments that happen and you recall the same moment but a different generation. So much of that lately! I was taking a picture of the grands with their cousins and recall my kids and their cousins. You visit family and are transported back 20 years. Nine cousins and their children, someone is always resembling someone. Even if we are not all together, likeness is uncanny, makes you feel young, until reality snaps in and realize this is two generations forward!

We have been visiting various antique shops, where again you are transported back. Things you have forgotten, taking you to your Grammies kitchen, your childhood home, earlier times of gatherings. Knowing full well that is why you can’t discard some of those things in your home. I recently read an article about the next generation being stuck with all of our items. The minimalist generation does not want your stuff. I get it, it is hard taking a family home and adding it to your child’s family home, often still filled with children. I have been weeding the inside of my home for two years. It can be brutal, and I have the hard bins set aside. I do have that mantra voice saying.., ”lt’s only important to you”.

So many knick knacks and do dads, put them in a pile, sit with Momma and decide the degree of emotional attachment. Emotional attachment is real for some people. You watch the hoarders show and think why? Lose a parent, spouse, sibling or anyone for that matter and it puts it in perspective. I am not saying it’s right or wrong. I just know this pile starts with me and I have to whittle it down now. If it’s just going to go from your closet to someone else’s closet, how important is it?

I try to put my memory in moments, not things. Surely when the geese fly, when the worms come out of the ground, walks on the beach, meteor showers, my kids will think of me. Cook the butterscotch, marshmallow squares and remember me, not the pan I used. Memories are in your head, use the deja vu to go there!

It is hard to break the patterns, early rising, running, planning, daily driven schedules. Take your time, Momma messaged me to remind me to relax! Need to work on that. I will find that path soon enough, probably in time to go back to work. Get rid of the tired feeling and go from there.

I saw a wild rose on my way into a store, then purposely turned around, went back and had a deep sniff. I saw a family out of the corner of my eye watching me, I waved. Pretty sure they thought I was a lunatic. I would like to think after I left they gave it a try. Every small pleasure is worth every second. Walks in the morning, walks in the evening, holding hands with my man, my grands, all of it.

It’s important, to slow down time sometimes. If it’s not pressing, don’t do it. Doing nothing is needed just as much. Figure out how to love yourself more today. This can help achieve happiness in your life. For many of us, putting ourselves first is unnatural. The other goal is to find peace. Doing nothing, going slow, any or all of it is not going to do anything if you are still feeling flustered. I am going to linger at roses, I am going to take walks, hold hands, have conversations. I am going to visit little shops, tour off the track, may do some big things too. Be at peace and love!