If you brought all the things in the back of your mind, to the front, what would you do? All the fleeting thoughts, the ideas, your passions, which would you choose? What are your obstacles, are you the obstacle? Are the roadblocks and slamming doors, ones that you have created? We really do get in our own way. It is easy to say I can’t a thousand times, reasons why you can’t are easy.

Most of the time, it is about the effort. Things we really want, we do. An automatic yes and then figure it out. The stress and sweat to figure it out, is secondary. The things we really want to do, that involve more than yourself, that can impact others or alters you life’s path, you use them as your obstacles. They absolutely are your obstacles, you might make others unhappy, it may require numerous conversations, negotiations and communication. You make the scenarios in your head overlooking the chance that the outcome could be in your favour. It requires effort, it causes emotional discomfort, then you give up before you even try.

Vision boards are a popular tool. For some seeing what the end of that tunnel looks like, eye on the prize and weeding out the negative is useful. I think it helps with the conversation starters for those around you. It wasn’t just a fleeting thought, it is something that plays on your mind often. When I dig something out of the back of my mind, before I breath air into it, I like to make up my mind. My mind, the if I could mind, remove everything, dust of the thought and decide for me, if I could, would I? Take a selfish second, would I?

It’s okay to fail, but it is more important to try. Say it out loud. Maybe you can’t, but if you could..

It is overwhelming to calm your mind, once it gets fired up. All the synapses are synapsing, the clicks are clicking. Information overload! Delete! Rewind! Escape! You know what I mean? The days come, they go and all things happen at once. My old processor, likes to inhale information slowly. Roll it around for a bit, look at it from all the angles. My Grandson used to say, ” Wha sit pell like?” and then sniff everything. I could start with that.

Then after you have some time, you can form an action or reaction. Share if you want to, saying things out loud, sometimes makes them too real. I have trouble with that one. If you don’t have time to deal with something, and have to share it, I find that just makes it harder.

Such as life I guess, would be nice to just say, ” I got some stuff and I am not emotionally available for anything else right now. ” Days to deal, would be nice. I guess it is all part of the drive thru life that now happens. Fast and furious day to day. So tuck all your pieces under your arm and carry on. Don’t drop anything, no time for that.

Hurdles are adjustable too and they are usually spaced a good distance apart. Relay races are better, pass the baton and take a breather. Better than slap-shots to the face I suppose. Early bedtime helps, right after I cover my plants!

We have mowed the grass in no mow May. Once in the front, and twice in the back. It would be hip high if we didn’t, I know from last year. I can’t have hip high grass in the back, with a dog. I would never find the crap! Believe me the bees are everywhere! I also got plants, even though I said I wouldn’t until June, and I will probably plant seeds as well.

With all the lame things on my list currently and a long weekend, who doesn’t want to be outside with your hands in the dirt, sun in your face and black flies chewing on your skin. Grass stains and dirty fingernails, says summer. I also know we are not usually done with frost until the third week June. Speaking of June, the lovely June bugs have arrived.

I’d rather mow, than snow-blow. I’d rather sunburn than freeze, and be barefoot instead of a parka. I had my coffee on the deck this morning, while a lone crow warned me it was gonna be a hot one today. A hummingbird came over to see if my pink pyjama top was a flower, which is why I ran out immediately to get some. They say lazy days of summer, not for me, my days are full.

That being said, there are beds to weed, seeds to plant, chair cushions to dig out, fresh air to breathe. If anything, do that, enjoy the day!

Stop looking for huge wins, it is a true rarity. Simple is always better, little pieces of happiness in the vast world we live in. You will not win every fight, and nothing in life is tidy. Life is messy, always! You can keep the bar high, but that can be overwhelming, lower it a little now and then. Don’t forget it is adjustable.

Maybe it isn’t your day, month, or sadly it may not be your year. There will be other days, months, years. Plenty of them in fact. A loss doesn’t have to be a total loss, adjust the bar and carry on. You can only do, what you can do. That is what you need to be comfortable with.

There will still be rainbows after storms. Sometimes you wait a little longer. The powers that be could give you a resounding no, just try again another time. Becoming fixated on it, will not change it. In the meantime, find something else. Walk away for awhile, whatever the matter is, it will wait.

I am horrible at completing things in one sitting. I like to putter around with something, a small bite, then go to something else and rotate through several tasks. They all get done and it it spreads out the reward. I helps me avoid feeling overwhelmed. It may seem unproductive, but it works for me.

Look around, find your peace and solace. Give the negative emotions away. Push them from your mind. You can’t run from problems, but you can put them on the back burner for a bit, on low. Change your mind and enjoy the day.

Childhood days were so simple. Everyday was an adventure, if not physically, you could do the rest in your mind. Elaborate games, changing rules, changing roles. You could be whatever you wanted, do overs were easy. You could dream big, with nothing to take those ideals and ruin them for you. Until a certain age, life is carefree. Most people can’t remember the moment that stole that child wonder away.

When I had kids, it was Mom life all the time. Making rules, doing mom things. When they were small, tired all the time. Not all work, we played a lot! They were first, I was second, my choice, and I wouldn’t change that. When they were tweens, it was run full tilt, friends, sports, especially when you have more than one. Teens, are exhausting, you worry constantly, sometimes feeling like a Sergeant to keep all the ducks in a row! Somewhere during that time frame, I could be mom the human. I could ditch the mom role. I could let my guard down that got them to this grown state. I could be silly and not the Warden. That stage where they transition from your kids to your friends. It is this part that it all becomes fun. You have grown together, and you slowly revert back to the person you were pre parenthood.

Don’t get me wrong, parenting is forever. Don’t be scared, they are your humans. It is a joy to hear their opinions, to see what they value. How they navigate this not so perfect world. The worry doesn’t go away. These moments when I see the parallel between me and mine in relation to me and my mom. It always surprises me. I can hear the worry in my own Momma’s voice. I hate thinking that I have caused her to worry. Sorry Momma, don’t worry! Glad we are friends! You and I will have a playdate soon!

I am an empath. I inhale everyones feelings, I feel deeply and I am not sorry for that. I know too much about, suffering, drama, hurt, grief, injury and pain. I help, that is what I do. Many people are like me, the key is not to let it make you ugly on the inside. Don’t keep out the ones that love you. Don’t forget about yourself, while reaching for others.

A good friend of mine told me that they listen to this song, and they played it for me. It was quite sad, but they said it was beautiful. They told me that they used to listen to it and become consumed in the sadness. Now they listen to it to remind them that they can enjoy the beauty of it and not be pulled into the sadness of it. I love that! I love that this person could find the beauty in the music from a song that drove them deeper into sadness at one time. A reminder, something that says, they are okay.

Sadness is hard to escape. It can make a person so miserable, it is almost contagious. Happiness is also contagious. Both emotions are deep rooted and hard to switch out of. My dad used to say to me, ”Are you happy? Tell your face!” I am always deep in thought. Daydreaming, my feelings on my face like my Lab. My son always says ”Smile” and then smiles, and that is contagious.

I am the person that is an optimist, silver linings and glass half full. I have hope, I want the best of things to happen and hang on to that. Nothing in life is perfect or fair and that is okay. Don’t let it make you ugly on the inside.

Have you ever made Sun-dried tomatoes? It is a very low setting in the oven. The tomatoes soak up all the flavours for hours. The last batch I did over night, twelve hours. They were infused with all the spices I had added, they looked fantastic and tasted even better! Perhaps that is what winter is for me. Testing the flavour every once and a while, not committed to a certain time. When you think it’s time, but give it a little longer, the result is divine. The pattern or time frame is never quite the same.

I bought myself a new planner the first weekend in May, my last planner ended in 2021. I had to compile all my scraps of paper to get this one in motion. First steps are always important. I still ran the show, but there was no extra. This month there has been extra, my mental checklists were put on paper and I have slept in for once. I baked, cleaned, started a project, shopped, visited, joined conversations, purged, and planned.

I haven’t really been present, except work, that is always in the forefront of my brain. Writing it down works so much better for me. I am on track again and am trying to make sure I make myself a priority as well. Freeing up space in your mind is liberating! The pull of the little checklists, give me motivation I have been lacking. Playing music is always a self start I need, helps drone out all the other noise. Feet still haven’t hit the ground yet, really running hard to stay on top of all the stuff.

Summer is coming and that is huge for me! Nothing better than, no shoes, heat, water views. Most important time, lots of time, burdens feel lighter. Sunshine lights up your mind, your heart, and brings happiness for no reason. Feel the freedom! I just crave time and freedom!! All the corners will have no shadows, just warmth. Can’t wait for all of that! Bring on the happy season!

When I was eight, we left our apartment building to move into this adorable four bedroom house. We lived there for four years. Some of the best times were there. The backyard was huge and I built a fort from scratch, that my folks allowed as an eyesore for two years. I spent summers in those two maple trees, in an extra large 7up t-shirt and baseball cap. I also spent summer vacations trying to capture a grey squirrel! The trap only closed on it twice, but it got out both times. Two of my closest friends lived on my street and a set of triplet boys. The girls and I played Charlie’s Angels. The boys and I got into trouble playing in the train yard at the end of our street, and we once ate a whole box of chocolate covered almonds I was suppose to sell for a school fundraiser. I did go door to door at first, but a doberman chased me! First time I jumped a fence, I guess it was stress eating.

I had an amazing grade six teacher that taught us the Hair song from the Beatles that we performed. I learned to ride a two wheel bike, bright green, flower seat, still have a scar and probably still the gravel in my knee from my first crash. I found a cat on Halloween that was orange and black, right after my Momma received a call that her Grandpa passed away. I raked leaves to make money to buy it food, and mysteriously there was a can of tuna at the end of my driveway! We tape recorded plays we made up. The trains that went by and the planes overhead were perfect sound effects for our elaborate tapes. I wonder if any of those tapes are around?

Then there was talk of a move to Scarborough. Nice townhouse, new community. My parents were all in, I was not! Apparently there was an application process, sorry Momma, not sure if I told you this. They were very excited, they filled out the first application, I stole it, threw it out at school. The second application, I ripped up and set fire to it in the charcoal Hibachi, with the help of one of the triplets. My parent’s had a fight about the misplacement of the document. The third one, I hid under a placemat in the living room. They found it when we packed, the fourth one they were on to me, and did it in secret.

We have lived in our house for 31 years this summer, looked at a few places over the years, but the haunting of that move has always kept us here. That move was life changing. Turning 13, going into eighth grade? Well that’s another story!

I never want the ones behind me to struggle. The precedent that I have set, I hope is easy to follow. Your family and friends watch you. Don’t set the bar too high. Allow failure, no one is perfect, people falter.

I have been watching the Olympics lately, more recently, I have been watching it in French. Why? Because I don’t understand what is being said. I guess, I could mute it, but I like the excitement. I detest the commentary. These athletes have endless hours invested, and are picked apart. Although I do find when a fellow Olympian does the narrative it is always good! Some of the observers doing commentary tell you personal stuff, irrelevant to their craft. Injuries, yes I get that. Creating drama and details of their lives… it’s not a soap opera. When it’s over and athletes watch the tape, I wonder if they are mortified with the story they couple with their performance. The criticism, it must be so hard on their self esteem!

The commercials are inspiring, people filled with pride. They all deserve respect. The families and competitors all seem supportive. Getting a medal is the goal, being there competing is just as important. I can’t imagine the constant pressure.

I’m sure they are there because they love it. The negative narrative must take the joy out of it. My kids joined what they wanted, they left if they wanted. We have had some screamer coaches, doesn’t make for a good time.

If anything, I am learning more French! The stuff I don’t understand is probably stuff I don’t need to know. The emotions are still there, you can read elation and defeat without words. I am sure their own inner voice punishes them enough. They don’t need help with that. Bravo to all the ones who have participated! What a true honour!

You may think you are insignificant, that you don’t matter, it is untrue. Everything you do has an impact, creates a ripple. Maybe you don’t see it, it isn’t apparent to you right now, just wait. Every action you take, creates a reaction. It may not be today, but you leave a part of you with everyone.

You need to be mindful of what you are giving to others. You can’t lose with kindness. My mantra is “Always Love,” hard sometimes to put into practice. People will remember the bad far longer. When I was a foster parent, I told the kids that they came with a blank page. Their history was second to what I learned from them. I only gauged our relationship with what they brought to the table, starting the day we met. My judgement wouldn’t be marred by others observations and perceptions of them. That is typically how I view most I meet. I am a horrible judge of character upon first meetings because of this clean slate mentality. However, if I am wrong, it is because I have it revealed to me, not by what others say.

Being a parent, working with kids has the best rewards. Mostly because, it comes back to you. You meet up with grown people that are elated to see you. It takes a minute to register who they are, hair is different or full beards, taller than you, toting toddlers. They always have a story, you are the hero in that story! You have a lifetime to scroll through to remember that moment. For them, that moment was a game changer. Sometimes a constant that kept them going every day! Do not give up your smiles, your pet names, your go out of your way moments! Connection is so needed!

Beyond family, I also have been impacted by so many things in my lifetime. My neighbour at twelve asking me to babysit. It was there that I found my writer’s voice. Her cup sits on my desk, that cup will be 42 this year! Many of my teachers over the years left words in my heart that changed my not so worthy path. Even this year, a coworkers unexpected hug. Another coworker telling me I was her role model.

Never think you are unworthy. Always know something you have done has left it’s mark somewhere! Those families you helped out that no one knows about, you were a small change in their life. The child you brought over to play, you knew it would be twice the work but did it anyway, it matters. It matters, you matter, the world needs you, you are loved!