Christmas has always held magic for me. I believe and because of that it will always be the best day, filled with love. The kids are grown and that will always make it different. We still are in our home of their youth, so the rooms echo with Christmas past. I see them gathered around the tree, the wonderment, the true joy that the day brought. That fills you with a different kind of loss. Loss of time, that we can only visit in our minds. We have grandkids so of course we get a piece of that when we go to our daughters for her fabulous dinner and our family gathering.

This year hubby really had the feels for the past when they were all little. He said it out loud, many times leading up to Christmas morning. Our son, 27 and recently blind hearing his father’s angst the past few days. Brought in the day with a bang. He came down the our room in the morning at 7 sharp. Pounded on the door with military force, causing our labrador to go into full alert, scrambling to her feet and barking like an intruder breached the premises. Our son then broke into full Christmas carols, no regard for the words, mashing them with other songs( much like his dad). He drummed through the house, gesturing widely, singing ditty’s about getting out of bed. He awed through his gifts, sniffing each one, shaking them, of course this was after they were unwrapped, yelling out guesses of what he thought they were. Actually he was bang on for most of them. He was animated and insistant and brimming with happiness. He is a blessing.

It has been some kind of year. Some years are, and sometimes you think they are but after time passes you see they were not all that bad. How you deal with things is a choice. I believe everything is a choice, but that makes me a bad choice person. I choose love and happiness and will try harder this year. A have the perfect role model in my house, not just in actions. His words are uplifting, his motto on life is outstanding, he is Christmas everyday!

Find your most common negative thought and break the pattern. I try to find time every morning to decide my day. What that means is that I lie in bed and prioritize! I like to do it before anyone else puts their spin on it. I may not follow through that day, but at least it is in the plan. My calendar fills up pretty fast, I always thought it would be less as time went on. I hauled out an old calendar, it is less! I don’t know how I did it back then! By the time my first coffee is done I am ready to roll. Let’s get real these are not major tasks, my husband will call and ask about my day, ask what I am doing and I always say nothing. Really it is same old, same old, but it is a lot. Everyday things are a lot of things! I don’t just sit around doing nothing, actually my feet are tired at the end of the day, because sitting doesn’t happen. That is the way I like it, busy!

I am always working on myself and my space. I like things uncluttered, I like simple, I like clean. You can come to my house and see I am not a master, but it is my system that works for me. Routines and patterns, makes me happy! To explain how it goes sideways for me, is control. I say I am getting better at this, but quite frankly that is not true. The fact is, nothing is off balance, I am the scale, things on the plate, things off the plate. Nothing coming at me that is new or different. I can be very spontaneous, because I choose it, I can do new things because I want to. For me it is the have to, someone else guiding my ship and taking away my navigation. Not having time to visualize or think. That is where it goes awry, and also why I don’t see it in myself. I am doing all the things I want, familiar, constant. Put someone else in charge of me and make everything unpredictable and rigid, my brain acts like there are fireworks in my head.

I have been paying pretty close attention to my behaviour, thoughts and reactions. I have learned some real valuable things about myself. I know that I am always calm during the storm. I have some pretty good coping mechanisms in place. I can be a pillar of support and keep everyone around me solid. It is the fallout afterwards that I have to learn how to manage. I am great at saving everyone else, and then drown silently afterwards. When things are beyond my control, I double down the control, I have OCD overdrive, just to be in control of something. This is some self discovery that I am glad to know! Now the real work begins.

I am suspicious of everything nowadays. People are getting scammed, swindled, hacked on a regular basis. Things that were so authentic previously are creating quite a front for shady dealings. The banks, CRA, postal service, are being used in the fraud lure to make things seem authentic. I do nothing on the phone. If it’s real, send me registered mail. I am probably one of the rare few that has a house phone. I have less than a handful that actually call me on it, not sure why I still have it, telemarketers use it the most!

I mean a lot of the time it is a joke, some are quite repetitive and we all have heard of them. I think there should be more we can do to protect ourselves. The Boomers are often being targeted and it is quite concerning! I find myself even questioning the authenticity of the scams. I often won’t say hello when I answer the phone of a number I don’t recognize, because someone said the latest scam was getting you to say yes, was all they needed. Mostly the answering machine takes the call. Recently we had a lot of calls because of upcoming surgery and answering the phone seemed necessary.

I haven’t seen a phone book in years and am appalled they are able to get our number, even worse now they are calling the cell! Hard to trust anyone, I answered a call from my bank and refused to confirm anything with them, because I didnt believe it was them. Email is the same, I have filled out ballots to win things, then recieve notice I have won, but did I?

Now the media is under scrutiny, they know what gets views. Are our opinions being swayed? Are we being fed info that isn’t true? Are things being exagerated for ratings and views? Or worse, are things being omited? How do we really know? When you hear that the russian leader has blocked media to his people, so they don’t hear about the dealings in Ukraine… kinda makes you feel sick. When you watch independent news people report something that the media has portrayed in a different light…who is getting scammed? I don’t know anymore, I think I am happier that way. I guess you can never be too careful…be cautious friends!

It is so easy to walk the negative mile, it is uphill both ways, I get stuck there sometimes. I give myself a challenge when I realize I am on that desolate path, to change directions. How? Right? Practice, if you make it into a goal. Today you are not allowed to say anything negative, the thoughts can be in your head, but do not utter them. Negativity, if you look for it , you will find it. Being positive can be more work and that is why you need to practice.

My husband and a friend of mine planned a day trip, we were off to find a suspension bridge and a waterfall. The day of our adventure it was pouring rain and we set out anyways. The suspension bridge, turns out was in a National park and we had to pay $20 per person to cross a glorified footbridge in the pouring rain. This was during Covid and we were in the boonies, places were not allowing you to use their washrooms and we finally found an information center with portable bathrooms. The stench was unreal, but when you gotta go, you gotta go. Meanwhile my friend had gone into the info center and it had a glorious bathroom… you know flushing toilets and running water. When we returnned to our vehicle, my friend up ahead of us, almost got into the wrong truck! We continued our journey and we ended up on a cow path, cringy worthy, listenning to the branches scrap past us. We came out to a large parking area with a little coverred bridge. On the otherside was the road we could of used to get there, but that only meant we were going to have to go back the same way. We did not know which way on the river to follow. A man was on the bridge wearing a swim suit, robe and a large stick and we were able to get the information we needed. The sun was out, but we were still wet, tired and now hungry. The waterfall was beautiful, but we did not stick around, no one wanted to be on the cow path after dark. My husband complainned about food the whole drive back to civilization. Sounds pretty bleak I know. I will tell you, when we tell the story now, we howl with laughter about the time we were on this mission. We talk about how we should of let our friend get in the wrong vehicle, served her right for using the nice washroom. We talk about the man with the robe and a staff as Jesus, who showed us the way to the waterfall. and it was the best day!

Yes things happen and they can be awful, but are they? Is it in your head? I kept a gratitude journal for thirty days. Three things for thirty days, some days I had to dig deep, some days I had to wait until the day after to write things for the previous day. They were there, there is always something, practice. Breathing is a blessing, two feet and a heartbeat, blessing, home, family, love.

When my father passed away, we recieved family and friends into our home afterwards. It was cold that July day, my Momma wanted me and the kids to go to the back deck. Momma yelled, “We will not remember this day with sadness! Let’s go!” We all jumped into the freezing cold pool, fully dressed in our funeral attire. Guests may have thought we were nuts, (we are) but in all those blurry days, that is what stands out.

Life is what you make it, shitty deals and all! You can not change the deck, but you can do the best with what you have. Look for something good, practice, do what it takes. Like I told the kids when they were small, it doesn’t matter if you win or lose, play hard, have fun!

Moments happen and I recall it as a dream, that already happened. Then there are moments that happen and you recall the same moment but a different generation. So much of that lately! I was taking a picture of the grands with their cousins and recall my kids and their cousins. You visit family and are transported back 20 years. Nine cousins and their children, someone is always resembling someone. Even if we are not all together, likeness is uncanny, makes you feel young, until reality snaps in and realize this is two generations forward!

We have been visiting various antique shops, where again you are transported back. Things you have forgotten, taking you to your Grammies kitchen, your childhood home, earlier times of gatherings. Knowing full well that is why you can’t discard some of those things in your home. I recently read an article about the next generation being stuck with all of our items. The minimalist generation does not want your stuff. I get it, it is hard taking a family home and adding it to your child’s family home, often still filled with children. I have been weeding the inside of my home for two years. It can be brutal, and I have the hard bins set aside. I do have that mantra voice saying.., ”lt’s only important to you”.

So many knick knacks and do dads, put them in a pile, sit with Momma and decide the degree of emotional attachment. Emotional attachment is real for some people. You watch the hoarders show and think why? Lose a parent, spouse, sibling or anyone for that matter and it puts it in perspective. I am not saying it’s right or wrong. I just know this pile starts with me and I have to whittle it down now. If it’s just going to go from your closet to someone else’s closet, how important is it?

I try to put my memory in moments, not things. Surely when the geese fly, when the worms come out of the ground, walks on the beach, meteor showers, my kids will think of me. Cook the butterscotch, marshmallow squares and remember me, not the pan I used. Memories are in your head, use the deja vu to go there!

It is hard to break the patterns, early rising, running, planning, daily driven schedules. Take your time, Momma messaged me to remind me to relax! Need to work on that. I will find that path soon enough, probably in time to go back to work. Get rid of the tired feeling and go from there.

I saw a wild rose on my way into a store, then purposely turned around, went back and had a deep sniff. I saw a family out of the corner of my eye watching me, I waved. Pretty sure they thought I was a lunatic. I would like to think after I left they gave it a try. Every small pleasure is worth every second. Walks in the morning, walks in the evening, holding hands with my man, my grands, all of it.

It’s important, to slow down time sometimes. If it’s not pressing, don’t do it. Doing nothing is needed just as much. Figure out how to love yourself more today. This can help achieve happiness in your life. For many of us, putting ourselves first is unnatural. The other goal is to find peace. Doing nothing, going slow, any or all of it is not going to do anything if you are still feeling flustered. I am going to linger at roses, I am going to take walks, hold hands, have conversations. I am going to visit little shops, tour off the track, may do some big things too. Be at peace and love!

If you brought all the things in the back of your mind, to the front, what would you do? All the fleeting thoughts, the ideas, your passions, which would you choose? What are your obstacles, are you the obstacle? Are the roadblocks and slamming doors, ones that you have created? We really do get in our own way. It is easy to say I can’t a thousand times, reasons why you can’t are easy.

Most of the time, it is about the effort. Things we really want, we do. An automatic yes and then figure it out. The stress and sweat to figure it out, is secondary. The things we really want to do, that involve more than yourself, that can impact others or alters you life’s path, you use them as your obstacles. They absolutely are your obstacles, you might make others unhappy, it may require numerous conversations, negotiations and communication. You make the scenarios in your head overlooking the chance that the outcome could be in your favour. It requires effort, it causes emotional discomfort, then you give up before you even try.

Vision boards are a popular tool. For some seeing what the end of that tunnel looks like, eye on the prize and weeding out the negative is useful. I think it helps with the conversation starters for those around you. It wasn’t just a fleeting thought, it is something that plays on your mind often. When I dig something out of the back of my mind, before I breath air into it, I like to make up my mind. My mind, the if I could mind, remove everything, dust of the thought and decide for me, if I could, would I? Take a selfish second, would I?

It’s okay to fail, but it is more important to try. Say it out loud. Maybe you can’t, but if you could..

It is overwhelming to calm your mind, once it gets fired up. All the synapses are synapsing, the clicks are clicking. Information overload! Delete! Rewind! Escape! You know what I mean? The days come, they go and all things happen at once. My old processor, likes to inhale information slowly. Roll it around for a bit, look at it from all the angles. My Grandson used to say, ” Wha sit pell like?” and then sniff everything. I could start with that.

Then after you have some time, you can form an action or reaction. Share if you want to, saying things out loud, sometimes makes them too real. I have trouble with that one. If you don’t have time to deal with something, and have to share it, I find that just makes it harder.

Such as life I guess, would be nice to just say, ” I got some stuff and I am not emotionally available for anything else right now. ” Days to deal, would be nice. I guess it is all part of the drive thru life that now happens. Fast and furious day to day. So tuck all your pieces under your arm and carry on. Don’t drop anything, no time for that.

Hurdles are adjustable too and they are usually spaced a good distance apart. Relay races are better, pass the baton and take a breather. Better than slap-shots to the face I suppose. Early bedtime helps, right after I cover my plants!

We have mowed the grass in no mow May. Once in the front, and twice in the back. It would be hip high if we didn’t, I know from last year. I can’t have hip high grass in the back, with a dog. I would never find the crap! Believe me the bees are everywhere! I also got plants, even though I said I wouldn’t until June, and I will probably plant seeds as well.

With all the lame things on my list currently and a long weekend, who doesn’t want to be outside with your hands in the dirt, sun in your face and black flies chewing on your skin. Grass stains and dirty fingernails, says summer. I also know we are not usually done with frost until the third week June. Speaking of June, the lovely June bugs have arrived.

I’d rather mow, than snow-blow. I’d rather sunburn than freeze, and be barefoot instead of a parka. I had my coffee on the deck this morning, while a lone crow warned me it was gonna be a hot one today. A hummingbird came over to see if my pink pyjama top was a flower, which is why I ran out immediately to get some. They say lazy days of summer, not for me, my days are full.

That being said, there are beds to weed, seeds to plant, chair cushions to dig out, fresh air to breathe. If anything, do that, enjoy the day!

Stop looking for huge wins, it is a true rarity. Simple is always better, little pieces of happiness in the vast world we live in. You will not win every fight, and nothing in life is tidy. Life is messy, always! You can keep the bar high, but that can be overwhelming, lower it a little now and then. Don’t forget it is adjustable.

Maybe it isn’t your day, month, or sadly it may not be your year. There will be other days, months, years. Plenty of them in fact. A loss doesn’t have to be a total loss, adjust the bar and carry on. You can only do, what you can do. That is what you need to be comfortable with.

There will still be rainbows after storms. Sometimes you wait a little longer. The powers that be could give you a resounding no, just try again another time. Becoming fixated on it, will not change it. In the meantime, find something else. Walk away for awhile, whatever the matter is, it will wait.

I am horrible at completing things in one sitting. I like to putter around with something, a small bite, then go to something else and rotate through several tasks. They all get done and it it spreads out the reward. I helps me avoid feeling overwhelmed. It may seem unproductive, but it works for me.

Look around, find your peace and solace. Give the negative emotions away. Push them from your mind. You can’t run from problems, but you can put them on the back burner for a bit, on low. Change your mind and enjoy the day.