Yup, that’s right, a cat. That is my blanket, I bet I never get that relaxed. Half stretched out, leg hanging off the edge, totally oblivious. What a life!

My dog has a great life, but always keyed into our energy. The cat don’t give a flying fig about anything. The phone rings, nothing, someone at the door, doesn’t move. She does whatever she wants, naps whenever she is tired. When she is vocal, people listen. If you don’t listen, she makes her presence known.

If something comes into the house she doesn’t care for, she puffs up her tail and goes to the highest point in the house and waits for it to leave.

She owns us, she runs the show. She gives affection as she sees fit. She hates the cold. Loves sunbeams! I could get behind that! There are no expectations. Food and water are always at your disposal and if not, you just bat someone in the head.

She always surprises us with her high energy even at her age! Always the best happiness noises. Our cat loves kids and dogs. She is patient, kind, likes to snuggle… yup a cat!

What can you do? Try as we might, things tend to be circular. When things do come full circle in a plot of a story it is almost predictable. It’s the plot twist that gets us. Didn’t see that coming, and you reveal in the mystery and surprise that smacks you in the face! In real life, annoying! Pisses me off actually. I tend to be orderly and a plan kinda girl. Previously my reaction is stick my head in the sand. More often lately is anger. I am done with plot twists.

The self guided life, the rebel, the girl that grew up to be fiercely independent is so done. It took a long to become me. I don’t like change. I don’t like regret, criticism, having my way controlled. Not sure how to put the fire out.

Live by example… hmmm. There is controversy at every turn. I turn off the news. I stop getting the paper, I block and delete. I stick to those I know. My circle is small, but the world keeps putting it’s nose in my life. Trying to block my happy!

I keep putting my best foot forward and someone keeps stepping on my damn feet! I will not turn off the switch anymore, I am back! I control me. I am responsible for me. Tired of standing back and watching people crumble. Tired of fear. Tired of all of it.

Need me, tell me. Reach out, don’t be alone. Don’t let this, whatever your “this” is take from you and yours! We have got this! We are stronger, taller, more resilient, this is our beginning!

Christmas crunch is on, separates the men from the boys! The feelings you hate to love. The massive hunt for the evasive popular present, that is always off the shelf! Or that one person you don’t know what on God’s green earth you should buy! Once upon a time, I got it done early, not so much now. Less to purchase with the kids grown. Not the same stress.

Less events, used to head off on shopping trips, cookie swaps, real trees, maniac cleaning, chaos and panic! I decorated early with little helpers. Now when I head out, I try to look for something specific, although I have come home four times now without toothpaste, only to finally get it and realize I had two in the cupboard. The OCD is down, so I am not hyper-focused. It has been nice.

I haven’t done any, like absolutely zero Christmas baking. Only half of the wrapping is done. No clue what the Christmas dinner plan is. No cards sent out this year. My panic moment will come, there is only one weekend left before Christmas. Add in two doctor appointments, possible bad weather and the stocking stuffers, that will give me grief.

For now I will enjoy this false sense of security. Let go of the compulsive need to do it all. The monkeys are older in this circus. Peaceful, easy feelings, one day at a time.

Christmas aside, it has been a trying season. I have two family members in poor health and our nuclear family has suffered with some shitty cards lately. The pursuit of happiness continues and the happy face stays! My facebook memories are flooded with my favourite Grinch quotes, which seem to be pretty popular this year! Just like the Red truck and tree I implemented last Christmas. Obviously I am a trend setter! Just smile and nod!

This means we dig deeper! We boost others more! There is no quitting the game of life. Someone else controls that noise. Best foot forward, always! I never know which foot that is so I may fall, but damn it, we need to get back up.

Hearts need to be full of love, we need both hands to lift others. Sure it’s a balancing act, but that is what life is! It is never gonna be easy and my wish is that it was for so many that I know!

Remember the journey, look for others facing challenges! Help when you can and always love!

In this house we do hugs, big!! I didn’t grow up with touch beyond my mom and dad. It was a big city. Surrounded by people totally alone. People walk the sidewalks five people deep, you don’t talk, you don’t look each other in the eye and you do not touch.

Fast forward to my own kids, a tiny town and a hugger husband and a best friend that is always hands on. Her hand rests on you while talking, swats at you when she is laughing. Whacks you in the forehead because of the V8 commercial. Best desensitizing therapy around.

So pre Covid, hauling people in for a hug became second nature. Leaning in for conversations. Resting your head on someone’s shoulder, grabbing hands of co workers for a happy dance, no issues, even as a germaphobe! Covid took that, for quite sometime. This was a town of talking to strangers. Elderly people would talk to young ones, people held doors for each other, now nobody wants to even touch the door!

For Christmas we will have to practice smiling with our eyes, speaking up so we don’t have to lean in close. Big waves instead of handshakes, I am back to the wink, air hearts, peace sign and thumbs up. Keep spreading happiness!

Tis the season, love, caring take the front seat! Something about Christmas time still evokes magic in us. Always remember that not everyone feels this magic. It can be sad for some, not everything is merry and bright during Christmas. If instead of allowing those feelings to darken your days or someone elses, we should choose happy. Look around you, where would be the best place to start? Do you know someone that is struggling? Maybe not financially, but just doesn’t seem to have the Christmas feels. You can not force someone to feel warm and fuzzy. The Grinch said it best, ” Perhaps Christmas is a little bit more.” Share love people. Do something extra behind closed doors, no recognition. Drop something in the food box at the grocery store. Put a plate of cookies on a co workers desk. Stick some cozy, funny socks in the mail. Write letters to Military personnel. Remember the forgotten, hand out a coat or coffee to the homeless man you see on the corner. Be the happy in someones life. It is only the beginning of December, have you purchased gifts yet? Do you really need all of them? Could your kids go through their toys, clothes, can you share puzzles with a seniors home? Maybe the best gift this year is time, maybe even for yourself, make an effort for numero uno!

Have you ever done a drop and dash gift? Christmas shouldn’t be so commercialized. We can all do our part to make the world a better place. Everything starts with one, do one thing….if everyone did one thing, that is a lot of change.

Both of my parents worked full time. I would go to the neighbours and wait for Commander Tom to come on. I was up before the TV, the screen had those funny colours and weird noise still playing when my babysitter would put it on. I was up before her kids. Most of my early age babysitters were like that. TV on, wait for it to start broadcasting, most of them went back to bed.

I think my first three years, my mom was home. In my minds eye, I see her ironing and I had all the chairs lined up as some form of transportation. I remember Seasame Street and The Price is right. I think right around the time she started working, my dad was on strike. I remember him teaching me to make the number 3.

When I turned thirteen, I was a bad kid. A secret bad kid. I was home by streetlights forever. I was a latchkey kid, I locked up when I left for school, did whatever afterschool until my parents got home from work. No cellphones, so they had a set time to call, so as long as I was around for those, I was good.

I found the note cleaning my furnace room. I used to collect spider glass, well I called it that. It is finely blown glass, the creator would make tiny decorations made out of this stuff, it was so intricate! One of my pieces, I think it was the girl holding an umbrella, fell and busted. It was toast and mom cleaned it up. I came home to this note and my restored piece, she glued it and it was perfect. My teenage self was taken aback. I existed in the same space with my folks, pretty usual disconnect between parent and child. I didn’t have or want time for them. They worked, they loved me but had each other. I look at the note and recall it so perfectly. It was a turning point for me. It was a sign she cared.

Yesterday my son and I went for a drive. A drive in our family has been a constant and the path is pretty worn. Worn into our mememories, our history, like our favourite pair of sneakers.

It was Remembrance day and I recounted our families involvement with the war. It wasn’t the first time the stories have been told and we joked about that. I told the stories on purpose with purpose. My kids are in thier 20’s and 30’s and are the only link between my parent’s generation and the ones currently being born. If we don’t share those personal stories, if we don’t recognize the importance of Remembrance Day, it becomes just another thing that happened a long time ago.

I have family that have done Tours of Duty in the Gulf war as well. We pondered the use of the word “Tour” seems a poor choice. A tour makes you think of something enjoyable, but I suppose adding the, “of Duty” you realize the severity.

Both of my Great Grandfathers served in WWII. One of them lied to enlist, he was 15, he was a machine gun runner and he survived Normandy. Remembering War times is not only about those that served, all people that lived during that time were impacted. All Veterans deserve our utmost respect for thier sacrifices to keep us safe.

Winter is a little over a month away, but I feel it. My bones ache, my mind gets grumpy, I wanna sleep. Right now it’s good, Christmas and kids make the first part easy. By February, I’m done.

I wonder how this year will be? It has been a great fall! Our previous winter wasn’t too bad. Maybe it will be like that again. I like cooking when the air gets chilly again. I like hunkering down under a blanket. I love hiking with no sweat!

I always think I am adapting, but one day of minus twenty five, reality punch! I don’t think it is the temperature that gets me, I can stay inside. I think it is the trapped feeling, I don’t like driving in winter. We gotta work, we gotta eat, Doctor Appt. …ever notice how all the specialist want to see you in the dead of winter?!

I don’t like spending days a TV zombie, I will have to implement some new coping skills. Healthy ones, productive ones to get me through. I love to read, but I get into a book, I don’t like to come back until it’s done. I think this is what Momma was saying about retirement. Guess I need new hobbies!

There are a lot of things in life that stop you in your tracks. We accept our harsh realities everyday. We can fake it till we make it. Our thoughts can become so big we can’t even look at them. We take a peek and they are overwhelming. Larger than life, beyond our understanding. Yes we all have fears, but there are big things people are dealing with or perhaps not dealing with, and you have no idea what they are.

Illness, survival, loss, grief. You can not tell people how to feel. You can not tell people to just move on. You can listen, without bias, without fixing. You can help them brainstorm, and comfort them. You can let them have thier feelings, scream, cry, whatever they want.

I just learned of a new place that you can go and wreck stuff. A room you go in and just smash things. I think we all need a room like that. I like renovating, my favourite part is ripping it down. Empty the room and tear the room down, all the walls, floors, trim. We have to learn to do this to ourselves too. Tear down the barriers that seperate us from our truths. Let your feelings out, do the ugly cry, talk with the squeeky voice. Tear out all the things, the brick walls that keep us from being stunted in our lives. Say the things we hold onto, let that shit go, get it off your chest. You don’t have to be mean, be real, find you!