Women need women. For sharing, for sanity, for venting. Book a date for coffee today with a friend. We don’t know how much we need it until we do it. It is so hard to find balance and time. But to have balance you need to make the time. Then use that time to talk the hard talks, and to tell the long version.

The network of information we have, the empathy we carry is the best social network around. If you can take off your responsibility hat too and truly relax, that is even better. Almost like a little bit of childhood given back.

My sister in law, myself and our husbands went to Niagara Falls once. The boys were the voice of reason, but the mom hats came off….those hats had been on our heads for a very long time and we had such a memorable night. So much laughter, we still talk about it!

It gives us a chance to see what it’s like in another person’s shoes. Just like heads of corporations, brainstorming solutions. We see value in each other, lend our listening ears and be a sounding board for ideas. Simple or complex situations, you can feel truly heard.

This is no discredit to our families. They certainly do all these things. This is just to add perspective, and remove the bias. You can only gain so much information about dementia, rashes, ulcers, from within your family because your exposure is the same. Sometimes outside the box, is better for gaining alternative solutions for our lives.

I believe in the human race, one race, and we all lend to the greater good. I wasn’t aware of a divided world until I started school. My Kindergarten class was very diverse. My two first friends in school were from a different country, Mozambique and Korea. We ate our juice and cookies together, played, sang and laid together during quiet time.

My parents best friends were a white and black couple. Their girls were my first friends, and still are. We were walking home from school and their oldest daughter started crying, she said the boys behind us called her a Zebra. I was seven and she was five, I didn’t get it. Far worse things in the world to be called. She had to explain to me, that it was because she was biracial. These boys were probably in grade six, and I remember being totally dumb founded. Then I remember being furious, that they looked beyond the person to find fault. I chased those boys with my little seven year old self and threw rocks at them for a block!

My parent’s other good friends were my babysitters. They were from Trinidad Tobago, they had three kids and their father’s voice was like music when he talked. On the weekends we would get together and they would make dishes of food hot and spicy. Their boys would talk about differences all the time, they were older. I remember my dad would have deep conversations about it with them. I wish I could remember those conversations, what I do remember was the visual. The boys were always wrestling, my dad was a big guy, not tall but like baseball mitts for hands and 26 inch arms. Dad would hold out his arms and they would climb him to see if he could hold their weight. My father’s knuckle got grazed in the ruckus and he showed the boys and said, “See, we all bleed red.”

I don’t see colour, I never have. When people start their negative conversations about other nationalities, that little seven year old girl is in there. I try to keep the rocks on the ground.

Beach, waterfalls, sunrises, sunsets, paths in the woods, nature. It encourages even breathing, self reflection, inner calm for me. Ocean sounds play every night to go to sleep on our google mini. I picture myself in a small cottage, a giant kitchen table, a wall of books, a fat wood stove, and steps to the ocean.

There is a comic I used to read and one of the captions said, “Happiness is a wet thumb and a warm blanket.” That is nature for me. There is something mystical about nature. My camera roll is infused with pictures of cloud formations, water views, and breathtaking sights. I look at them and feel the energy, I want them on canvas on my walls!

My poor husband can barely have a conversation with me when driving towards a sunset. The window is up and down a thousand times, to get the perfect picture that actually captures what I see. The wind has almost blown my camera out of my hand to compile these scenes. If there is such thing as a previous life, I wonder what I was that has me so compelled to freeze these moments of beauty. We use to take the kids on day trips, trails, museums, hikes and forts. Things that I wanted them to feel not just do.

On the human side, I also love geneology. Before the internet I would take the kids to the library and pour over census records, army records, marriages and births. Then I would visit old churches and graveyards to verify facts. It is a giant puzzle that when the pieces fit, it is so satisfying. Many early mornings I am on Ancestry.com filling in data, drinking coffee, chasing the sunrise. Peacefully starting my day.

Grammie had eight kids! She was not your average Grandmother. She swore, she could get hopping mad, and her baking was perfect. She was so animated telling a story, laughing or crying before it was done. She was dominate, fierce, strong willed and very dramatic.

I may be scared of bees because of her. I was five, when I was playing with Grammie’s neighbour’s little girl. We were playing Hide and Seek, and it was my turn to seek. I was against Grammie’s house counting and a bee came out from the wall and stung me in the corner of my eye. I know why it is called sting! Off I went wailing into the house and before my mother could even reach me, my Gram stormed over to get the story and assess the damage. She gave out a battle cry and rushed outside to find these terrors that harmed her Grandaughter! She discovered where the were going under the tarpaper on the outside wall and she tossed her slippers at their home. Of course they were none to happy so they started coming out at her. No word of a lie, she raced back in grabbed her lighter and the kettle, went out and set the tarpaper on fire. There she was screaming and swearing the house was on fire and put it out with the kettle. Not traumatizing at all!

She had five boys and three girls. That is one short of a baseball team! When they lived in Havelock, Gram used to walk across the back field to get the milk from the neighbouring farm. The kids were out back waitng for their Mom to get back. When she was halfway across, a moose stepped into the field not far behind her. Well of course the kids started screaming to warn her and the boys ran to get the gun. Gram set off full tilt across that field, would not drop the milk, racing the moose, screaming and cursing the whole way. Now there are variations of the end of this story. The short version is that the boys fired off a warning shot into the air, Grammie went down still holding the bottles upright. The moose took off, they helped her the rest of the way and then got the switch for taking out the gun.

One of the last times she was over to my house for tea, my other Gramma was here. My other Gramma, was like most Gramma’s, proper, soft spoken, passive. The two of them started talking about grandkids. Then the birthdays came up and my soft spoken Gramma was rattling off dates as she was very keen on remembering everything. Gram was getting agitated by this attention to all these details, she jumped up and said, ” oh yeah, but can you do this?” and proceeded to run up and down my hallway!

I could write a book about the stories of my Grandmother! She loved hard, her hugs could cave in your ribs! Miss you Gram!

Someone’s viewpoint is their own. Empathy allows you to see someone else’s point of view. I like to look at things from all sides, roll it around in my head, then decide how I feel. This makes me forgive easily, this makes me love easier. I takes me a long time to get angry.

I find it so interesting how people react in situations. I tend to not react immediately. I almost go slow motion in some situations. When chaos arrives, I am level headed and then afterwards…I need a minute. I was having a garage sale with a friend of mine, when another neighbour of mine was coming to the house with my then 4 year old. My daughter was crying, her hands were clasped in front of her, my neighbour was explaining that her dog had bit her. I started scanning my kid up and down and as they got to me, my neighbour turned her around and lifted her shirt. There were two fang marks deep in her back. I took her to my friend and said, take her to your house and clean the wounds, I couldn’t let my other daughter see because she was a reactor, she would of been inconsolable. Then when I had the younger one all arranged, I took my other daughter to the hospital where she was admitted. They needed to be sure her lung wasn’t punctured. I did all the things to get through this crisis and when everything was fine and back to normal, I was able to have a solo meltdown and carry on. Invaluable tool as a parent, but you do have to have that moment to deal with the punches afterwards.

That moment is pivotal, continually shoving emotions aside is not healthy. Not allowing yourself to deal with moments of grief, and fear can create long term effects. Unresolved trauma is a whole other thing, anxiety is likely the result.

Have to ever watched Parenthood with Steve Martin? I love that movie! It has several family perspectives. Steve Martin has kids and his siblings have kids, and his parents weigh into it. It is his Grandmother that I love! Everyone is reacting in this one scene, and Gramma makes a parallel of life to a merry go round vs a rollercoaster, I cry every time, even when I write about it now. In this scene it has the ride in the backdrop as each person reacts.
You need to watch it! I am with Gramma, when the rollercoaster is up, be sure you put your hands up and enjoy the ride!

The internet world is fascinating, until it isn’t. Instant information, does anyone even get a paper anymore? I don’t think this access is always best. People take the information they see and run with it. Political views, personal debates, where to go, opinions, it is all right there. Even if you don’t want to see it, it’s there.

You talk about something, and now you see it everytime you log in, “it knows!” It actually doesn’t, there is several sections on all of your devices that offer to track your activity on websites and apps, that most of you leave on. As well as location services so you can use navigation and other apps. Check those under privacy, if you don’t want them toogle them off.

Mystery and sci fi, some love stories of UFO’s and Aliens, Bigfoot. Media can sensationalize everything. God forbid anyone do research, it is written, so it is true! Of course most of us look it up on the internet, because Wikipedia is right there. It is run and written by volunteers!

Have you ever tried to get rid of advertisements when you are on the web? Or get them off your newsfeed on Facebook, that is one heck of a job, almost as bad as getting rid of junk mail in your emails! I unfollowed and unliked on Facebook for an hour one morning, just to have it all back within a week.

It can be handy though. I can talk to my extended family from where ever I am. I can check in at home, to make sure I turned off the oven. I can see who is at the door. I can listen to any song, watch any show, shop, look up a recipe and check out design ideas! It has a better memory than me, and it can store the 7600 pictures I have! It is here to stay.

New weeks are stressful for me, but I try to forget what day it is. Everyday is a new day, you can’t do any day over. So just start the new day fresh! People get caught up in illusions and fantasy but live your dream. Face forward and march on.

People are always looking for the negative, even while doing something they want, they still look for negative. People complain and it escalates quickly. Where is your Joy? What if you went one day without complaining, could you do it? Create a positive zone, a gratitude journal, just be thankful and look for the good. Surround yourself with happiness, get rid of the nay sayers, the haters, the negative Nellies. What if your life was like that? Sure shit happens, but get past it and enjoy the fact that maybe you ate today, or have comfy socks. Who cares what others have, what do you have?

What if we didn’t take baby steps? Leaps and bounds instead, blind faith, go for the gold, guns a blazing! Ignore the voices in your head, cares aside, fears aside. Wow you could be, SHOULD be awesome. What are you waiting for? It isn’t going to come to you! Just do it! Life doesn’t wait, the clock ticks, every second counts, stop waiting!

Where does your path go? Where has it led you? Most important where can it take you? Decisions are always going to have to be made and you can only conquer your fears by doing. You know what to do, don’t say you don’t. Look inside yourself! Take your blinders off, take the fear of being judged out of the equation. You are you, and only you, are resposible for you. Don’t blame others, Be accountable to yourself! Love your life! You are alive!

When you don’t know, they know. Their young innocent selves, mindlessly wrapped up in their imaginary worlds. Maybe they seem too young or have no cares. Talk to your kids, something they have heard or their perception of it. They could have it all wrong, they may have a distorted view and be totally off base. When we went red during Covid the students were a buzz with the news. When they were asked what they knew or how they felt, the answers were enlightening. Most were worried about their parents. Did you know your kids were worried about you? Some had made it so big in their minds, they needed to talk.

Talk to them about bullying, make sure they know what it is. Being chased all recess during a tag game is not targeting. Be sure they know, they have a voice. Make sure they always tell, and to say “no, stop, I don’t like that”. Most important, tell them they do not have to play with someone that is making them feel bad. My daughter was once drug around the playground by her hood, several recesses in a row, I asked her if she told, and she said yes, at the end of recess. She couldn’t get away, so she couldn’t tell. I told her the next time it happened, to turn and scream as loud as she could in this person’s ear. She had an awesome scream, and it never happened again.

Including kids in the conversation is important, not the knitty gritty. Not your divorce details, or your problem with the neighbours, or finances No matter how mature they seem, some stuff is overshare.

Your job is to protect them, keep the worry or doubt from them. Let them be children. Laundry should remain in the laundry room. They are not your confident.

They listen, you think they don’t know, even my own sitting around a corner when grown ups are chatting. “The walls have ears,” was the clue to others that our privacy was being breached. Bare minimum is fine for the things they need to know. They hear you, and they don’t keep secrets… you are not fooling anyone.

I try. I envy the shows, where someone comes in and helps with the hard decisions. I have been on this journey for about a year. Kitchen and Livingroom were easy. Don’t go in the laundry room, furnace room or my closet. Clutter makes me cuckoo! It’s like being in a box, no windows, the room shrinks! I did my recroom recently and it feels great. Got rid of stuff, and stuffed stuff in the furnace room. Not really how it’s suppose to work. If I could just get real, not factor in anyones attachments, wow, stuff would be gone!

I have way too many clothes, I would love to do a big swap. Find a bunch of gal pals and put of our extras together and then just swap out our things! I don’t want to just get rid of it. It would be like flushing money, that’s what my mind says anyways.

Some organizers say, put all like things together. Like my VHS tapes, yup I still have them and VCR’s. I don’t watch them. I used to at the trailer in the summer. I just need to do it, already my mind is saying, not the disney ones!

Then the books, Christmas decorations, school supplies, arts and crafts. They are used, but not everyday. I’ve gotten better with books, recycle places will take them, give you a credit and you can get more. That feels good to me.

We all have stuff, and some things we get rid of and then need it or someone we know could of used it. Just aggravating to purge something and go out and buy it again. I try pay it forward, but apparently other people don’t want it either. I used to do yard sales, put it all out early and then drag it all back in, maybe 10% less then when you started. My last two yard sales, I forced myself to donate anything left over.

The key is before you purchase, really decide if it is practical to get it? Try on the clothes and be very skeptical. Wait twenty minutes and then decide. It drives hubby nuts when he shops with me and I pick things up, and then before we leave I have put things back! I don’t want to purchase just because, I want it to be essential. I actually enjoy grocery shopping because it is something I need.

I have made dents in the chaos, it has to be on my own and my own pace. I have called on my kids to judge clothes when I have a pile that I just can’t get through. I have to laugh when I find an old diary and it always starts with, “This is the year I get organized. ” I do have organized chaos in the corners of my house. It is 75% better than it ever was, maybe this is the year I get organized?

You spend so much time raising your kids, that one day you realize it’s done. You will never really be done, but done enough to carry them through.

Then Grandkids come, and we spoil them, because we can. The important bits at this stage is to just love. You can relish that they adore you, and to them you have no faults! Snuggling in tight, naps, play. It isn’t a free for all, it’s just knowing how quick it’s over. You don’t have to be the heavy, another popsicle never hurt anyone. You know they survive and won’t ruin their lives if they stay up a bit, or have sugar for supper.

It’s hours of play for us too. The house is so damn clean without kids, you can let all the daily chores go to the wayside and devote every ounce of time to them. Grammies let them paint, get dirty, and see things differently. We tell them stories of their parent’s childhood and their own. Our patience is a little more stretchy, but we are only borrowing them for a short period of time. We have had a full nights sleep, several days in a row and a shower.

I love talking to the littles, having them explain something in their little voices. Whatever the age, we talk about their dreams, fears, folks. There are no secrets from Grammie.

My heart is always full when they leave and a little sad. I wish I was retired so I didn’t have to share their time with anything. They do tire me out, keeping them mentally stimulated. I wouldn’t trade these moments. I want to slow it down, but much like my own kids, one day be it will be done.