As a kid and all my young adult life, I was extremely shy. I couldn’t go into a space if I didnt know anyone. I couldn’t start a conversation with a stranger. I wouldn’t go on a stage. I was always on the back burner. I wouldn’t say shit even if my mouth was full of it. I was invisible and I liked it. I put everyone’s needs above my own, avoided confrontation and took whatever was dealt my way without incident. I bottled everything!

I really don’t know how it changed. Perhaps being an advocate for my children? That Mama Bear syndrome! I’m sure age and self esteem played a role. Somewhere between thirty and forty it stopped. I wasn’t afraid anymore. I now have opinions, real strong ones, I don’t care what strangers think. I can speak in front of a group and initiate a conversation.

I could be considered selfish, but my selfish is probably for the best. It’s not the type of selfish that lacks consideration for others. My selfish has been earned. It is more of a, put myself first for once. I have learned to say no, and guide my own time. I enjoy controlling my life. I do hate being wrong or being told what to do.

This selfish has been earned.

This selfish makes me a better person.

This selfish will stand up for others.

This selfish is loyal.

This selfish is just enough to give me balance.

A lot of people write about parenting the toddler. The napping, toileting, funny antics, firsts. What about our grown children? We are still parents. We are no longer expected by society to do anything for them. Our goal was to get them there, hopefully unscathed.

Sometimes they reach out for advice, maybe it is not what they want to hear. Many times they didn’t ask for the advice. Nonetheless we still parent. We still want the world for them, we would still take a bullet for them.

It is a very different road, and different for everyone. It still surprises me, the stories friends share of their journey with their children. Each child’s journey is very different. Which also surprises me. I mean they were all raised in the same house by the same parents.

So how do we do it? What is the secret?

No big secret, there is no formula. Just like a toddler, all trial and error. Each child is an individual. If it was easy, there would be a manual. That being said, this is what i know:

Every external influence in their lives will affect their perceptions and ideas.

They will surprise you-the princess will wear track pants, the athelete will hang up their gear, the invisible, angry child will grow a social conscience.

They all remember childhood events differently

They will disappoint you

They will surpass your expectations

They will assert their dominance over their own life

They will hurt your feelings

You absolutely should:

Step back and even out of their lives so they can do it on their own

Let them fail (do not say I told you so)

Smile and nod

Bite your tongue (until it bleeds)

Listen (do not speak)

Cry with them

Always love

Parenting a grown up does not hold the same responsibilities those little cherubs needed. Their chubby little fingers are no longer there for you to hold. Your heart will only get bigger with the love you always have for them. You have to be the silent cheerleader, rooting for them in the back of the room. Your silent tears for every milestone they surpass. Hopefully you are a person they hope to be like. I hope they become far better than I ever was. Most importantly, I hope my love for them is felt forever and they never doubt that love.

Really that is it, they are not for you to control. You are just the home beacon, the place they can always come and know they will be welcome.

What’s for dinner? Never was there a more cringe worthy statement! When the kids were small meals were day by day. I had two diabetic kids and a fussy husband. Leftovers grew in the back of the fridge. Create and toss. It got better when the kids were teens, they ate everything and leftovers were a late night snack. Hubby had expanded his palette and I’d like to think I got better at it.

Sure there were the unprepared days, which in my momma circle I found myself and my friends just let cereal become supper. I did get better at that too and breakfast for dinner is my go to, except now it’s an omellete or fried egg sandwich. Then as the empty nest started to happen, I had to relearn again. I overprepared meals, create and toss happened again and it frustrated me so much! So I meal plan. It is not perfect. Sometimes I fall off the meal wagon.

Essentially it started with brainstorming all the dinners I can create, the complicated, the easy, the single meal, and the larger meal. Then I get the calendar and factor in any events taking place. The hair appointment after work that would cut into prep time. The night the grandkids stay over. A family event. Then the list of dinners comes out and seven days of dinners are choosen for the next ten days. Simple ones for the pressed for time, ones that could be created with day before food to cut down on waste. My biggest obstacle was having things on hand, so a grocery list is created too. All of this makes life easier, just the fact that I can pull out the pork roast in the A.M, so it can be prepped in the P.M. Or having Taco Tuesday and preparing the entire pakage of hamburger reserving some for the tacos and prepping the rest with onions mushrooms and peppers to freeze cooked, so spagetti on Thursday is just cooking the noodles and sauce.

Total game changer. Not fail safe of course, there will always be the night the family drops in and you have prepared a small dinner with nothing to spare. Or it’s the night hubby is coming home late and you are having a tomatoe sandwich because making him an omelette when he arrives is easiest.

For the most part it eliminates a lot of stress surrounding meals. I post the menu on the fridge and most days we eat at five, create and toss is limited. The garbage goes on Monday so if I am tossing alot on Sunday it is because my planning is falling away again. Just remember every week is a new week, just do what you can do, give it a try. Hey! What’s for dinner?