I don’t know, when you read posts on the social sites there is a lot of speculation and judgement. Seems to be a lot of bubble wrapped children and entitlement. I followed a few sites about gardening, diy and the like. People ask for advice and members condemn and bicker, doesn’t sound practical at all. Not a calm space by no means. Got to have thick skin, or block and delete. I guess it’s easier to debate with the faceless.

Gen X, so I’ve been told has thick skin. We rode bikes with no helmets, no hands, no brains. I am pretty sure I still have a rock in my knee. Once you were old enough, you raised yourself from sun up to sun down. No one was home to cry to. I remember doctoring a friend that got their foot stuck in the spikes and chains of their bike. I put out a fire once that my friends set and it got out of control. They ran, I put it out with a coat luckily. We went through culverts in the Humber river that were eight feet high and shimming through ones that went down to three feet. It would be pitch black, with an occasional light from a manhole cover from the major road above. Like I said no brains.

Lots of sketchy stuff and maybe that is why we over protect our kids, because we lived to tell about it. If we did get caught there were consequences. Not pretty consequences, hard knocks. A lot of runaways back then, to avoid the consequences. If your kids can’t approach you with the truth, they will lie. You have to communicate, be accepting and forgiving. There should always be consequences to fit the behaviour. Learning and gaining independence with proper choices is pretty key. Give an inch, they take a foot, you have to set the bar. You always let them try the first time and base future answers on the results you received. It is hard to let them go it alone, it is how you both grow.

Sometimes you just need a fresh set of eyes. You are in it, whatever it is… you may not even see the big picture. Dance it out, walk it off, talk it to death, then step back and try again. Nothing can be perfect and that is okay. Every trial you ever go through always looks awful in the moment. Give it time, look back, you are still here and celebrate that.

We should always picture the best, so many steps are never taken because of the what ifs. Age can put blinders on us, give us reservations and caution. Kids aren’t like that, wild abandon, perseverance, they just go for it. They problem solve to get what they want, life hasn’t taught them yet that failure stings. They don’t know about danger, they don’t have the voice in their head that tells them they are being ridiculous or won’t succeed. Those things are learned, unlearn them.

Easy to say I suppose, and true. When you want to do something, what stops you? Sure the voice can offer some pretty solid advice. Some things are better off not being attempted. Life is hard, there are lots of obstacles. If you kept track of the why that is being offered by that inner voice, you may learn some things about yourself. Is it your voice? Is it someone that always made you feel inadequate? These are things that you need to figure out. Someone stole your self esteem and now they mar every decision you make. Take back control of your life. You make your decisions and be sure that things you don’t attempt or walk away from are based on valid reasons. It will never hurt to try and so what if you fail, you can try again. Don’t rob yourself of your own happiness.

Painting is one chore that grows into a project. One coat turns into two coats, then the ceiling and trim. Every project seems to grow into three. It isn’t a bad thing really. Getting into the details of a job well done, is never a waste of time. It is the time factor that wears you down. Everything I set aside a morning for, turns into a day and a half. I spend more time waiting to finish a project, or an errand, even a reply to an email. You just have to remember not to lower your expectations and wait for the reward.

The circus will eventually turn into an orchestra and the noise will turn into music. I used to be much more patient. In this orchestra the bass players are a bit too loud and the timing of the wind instruments are a bit off. Practice makes perfect right? I know that more changes just delays the outcome. There doesn’t seem to be peace in patience.

It is a rehearsal and the show must go on. Setting the stage, dealing with a timeline, stage fright. People who want to lead, people who don’t show up. Why bother? The final product of course. The hopes of a job well done and maybe even a standing ovation. You cannot drop the ball. All of it is the same as running your home. The outcome can’t be determined right now. It is dependent on all the players, the props, the audience, and timing. Take time to be a spectator, don’t judge too harshly and have fun with it.

I have to empty my house, all the purging in the world does not compare. That fire in the front yard, where I burn all my stuff, sounds pretty good! I recently added a game where you untangle knots, a nice challenge. Terribly frustrating and more fun than the piles lying around here. At least the game begins and ends, similar to the one knot entangled in another, so are the piles! I would rather play the game. As for the no deadlines I had recently implemented, that is out the window.

Now I have to learn balance. I think my newly acquired flexibility may help. I still take some curve balls to the gut, but stress eating, softens the blow to the mid section. Starting to sound like gymnastics, maybe that is what is happening in my brain. I like gymnastics, I got this! Everything feels better in the summer! Don’t gymnasts have a team? Where my team at? I can do a solo, might be more of a circus act.

The solstice was yesterday, in a literal meaning the sun stands still. I needed that, I hope everyone had a moment to take it all in and let it all out. No knots, no stress, just stand still with the moment. As you move forward with your summer, be sure to do that with each day. Lay on the floor with your cheek to the ground and don’t move, ( this is the part where my pets will come and walk all over me like I am a door mat), however be still and enjoy stopping for even just a minute. Happy summer everyone, mix in some happy with all the stuff that runs through your mind. Look for it, even the simplest things. Enjoy!

What’s five minutes? Does it change anything? It really does. If you took five minutes of every waking hour to do something in your twelve hour day, that is an hour. You can empty the dishwasher, paint your toes, fold laundry, read a bedtime story in five minutes. Small potatoes, this five minutes. What about a five minute break after doing something for an hour, that would feel pretty good. An extra five minutes in a tied game, at someone’s bedside, meditation or snuggling with someone you love. Small things do matter.

It is important to give yourself five minutes. Starting or finishing hard things, processing information, you time. Sometimes it is the only time you have. Life is busy and goes by swiftly, go outside, look at the sky, listen to the birds. Those minutes can be used either way, escape or a self starter. It depends on what stage of life you are in. It could depend on the day. I need the minutes to think, to plan, to rationalize, to decide how I feel.

An hour a day sounds different, maybe use them to celebrate small victories. I get bored going at something for long periods of time. Breaking up many projects and accomplishing them over several days feels better to me. Using my rule of ten to do things I hate, then taking a break and going back, actually makes me more productive. Whatever works, hubby can start and finish something in a day, I am envious of that. I get frustrated, I have to walk away, he does not. He problem solves until it is done, I would rather set it in the yard and burn it! Five minutes works for me.

I did a quick tidy and bent down to get a bit of fluff the vacuum missed and I remembered that I used to pick the rug. We had a carpet, but no vacuum, so one of my chores was to pick dirt off of the rug! I was also chosen to go through the milk door to get someone into their place, that had locked themselves out. Little Dinnimouse was also chosen to stick her small hand in the toilet bowl to fetch someone’s dentures. Didn’t think much of it at the time, but gross!!!

One memory sparks another and sitting down to think, all kinds of stuff comes back. I remember smells too. My favourite babysitter sold Avon and she used to wear perfume, I loved the way she smelled. Most perfume now, kills me! Just little things transport me and sometimes that is all we have left of someone. So quickly these things come unsummoned, often they are gone before we even process them.

I wish I could draw what I see, perhaps I should try. Capturing what is so vivid in your mind is such a gift. I came across an envelope, Momma had written something I said once about a picture I had taken, “Just some cows, we don’t know them.” I love my pics of friends and family, but the ones of something in nature also gives me connection. Being part of something bigger than ourselves, how lucky are we? Growing up in concrete neighbourhoods, I appreciate nature so much more. My attachment to certain things are mine, just for me. So yes, I didn’t know the cows, however they conjured memories of summers on the farm, time with cousins playing baseball in a field with cow patties as bases. The cows were comfort, they are family, they are home.

Pollen dust is everywhere, the June bugs are in full swing along with the May bugs! Still love summer! I have been suffering with allergies, the kind where you need a fork to scratch, even if it is your eyeballs! Add spring cleaning and painting and I am a mess. Not the house, just me. Surely the pollen will subside soon with the June bugs that clearly don’t know their months of the year. I am trying to avoid allergy pills because they make my back ache.. this is a thing for me.

The eagle is back, I heard a turkey( unless it is someone’s phone ringer) and I even saw a cardinal in my yard. Both pet’s have the zoomies and kids are coming to school in shorts, while I wear a coat until afternoon. Heat is on in the morning, air conditioner in the afternoon. So who is confused?

I love it, all of it! May is almost over, not quite the month I expected. I seem to bounce back from the pit falls a little better this year, they can’t be avoided. It’s better when you feel your feelings, all of them. Walking into the wind can be fun sometimes. Just remember to get back up if it knocks you down. Always put yourself first on the list, easier to say than do, learn how. Never be afraid to ask… for anything, help, clarification, an answer. I practically need a picture and I know I am not alone. Learn that too, how to be alone, to like yourself, to be comfortable being you! Enjoy every part of every day and always love.

I don’t think I have sat down yet this month. It’s been a squeeze it in month, I was surprised there is another week left to May. I am nodding off between sentences, but promised myself I would do this today. Something a little structured and familiar. I can’t believe the amount of illness that is around this time of year! I don’t know if flu season came late, or stayed long. Something gastro, something sinus and a whole lot of respiratory.

No mow May went out the window quick this year. It has been done more than twice and needs to be done again. I assure you there is no shortage of bees, wasps, June bugs or any other flyers this year. The weather has been incredible, my day starts early, so coat in the morning and home time it is scorching. I’ve been asked to open the pool more than once in the last two weeks.

My productivity is through the roof, and far from stopping. Spring cleaning is over and already switching to summer prep! I’m excited for this season! I am going to get my flower baskets ready, frost or no frost! Looks like the pool will open early this year! Enjoy the season, hope it slows down some!

We stand in our own way, all the time. The little voice that says, “you can’t“. It is time to question that voice. Why can’t you? I talk about baby steps all the time, but what if you put both feet in, jump, add a hop. You might fail, you might fall, and if you do… what? Nike brand had something with the logo.. Just Do It. The voice in your head is a roadblock, when there is a roadblock, make a detour. Roadblocks add time, they are a diversion, when you have to get somewhere, you have to take them. Or go home. Moan about it, I am sure someone will listen.

Is it worth the stress not to? I talk to myself and I have told myself to shut up! Seriously, my inner voice is loud about so many things. I try to put a face to the voice, I can blame all kinds of things, it is me. There will always be a reason not to, that will never change. You are the narrator, you rewrite that story, edit, delete, backspace. Let’s pretend those buttons are broken. Pretend it is someone else’s story you are writing. Now the choices are not for you, the outcomes and storyline are for someone you love and care about. Will that story change now?

This is how it all comes together. Being a driving force for someone else, it changes everything. It brings passion, empathy, compassion, you don’t want them to fail. Plan for them, advocate, let them have the best experience! How does the story look now. Isn’t funny how it changes when you need to be someone else’s guide. The bias, the voice is different. Give yourself that love, we are all so hard on ourselves. We are our own worst enemy, nobody is as hard on ourselves as we are. When that new narrative is done, transition it into your life. Be kind to yourself…

There is nothing better than a freshly scrubbed floor. I don’t know why, it just makes me happy. When the kids were little, it was a task to get it done. Not to mention the amount of things to pick up before I could even get started. It’s still a task, pets are always under foot and the first ones to trudge over it, before it dries. It is one of those things that make the house seem clean. I don’t look at anyone else’s floor, but sure notice mine. I don’t use real smelly stuff, it gives me a headache. I don’t have high maintenance or shiny floors, just really love the way it looks completely clean. Part of my purging in the more recent years has been trying to keep things off the floor.

Unfinished business, that’s what the piles always represented. Something I was meaning to do. Changing over seasonal clothing, rotating toys, stuff to give away, presents to wrap at Christmas, half finished projects. That is what the garage is for. Did I say that out loud? It does house a lot of stuff in those categories. So maybe things aren’t gone, just shuffled. I like everything to have a place. I hate clutter, out of sight and then out of the house.

Of course visual clutter does nothing for your brain space either. Not my brain space anyways. It was a very long process to get to this state. The remaining stuff needs decisions to be made. It is not my decision alone, it isn’t all my stuff. So young people out there setting up your homestead, just remember you can’t take it with you when you leave this world and one day you may need to downsize. Baggage, worthless, indeterminate things that take up space. Always question, do I really need this? Things will always be, just things. Most likely it is all just fire starter. For now, step one of spring cleaning, was the floors!