When you become sad and take on all the woes of the world it can be exhausting. Everyone struggles and it gets to you after a while. Dark clouds seem to follow you around, life is hard. Life can be mediocre and never any days of glory. Endless drama, constant suffering, dismal existence. Pessimistic attitude and never acquiring peace takes its toll on everyone.

Whatever life throughs at you and how you view it affects all of us. You need to know this, you are someone’s sunshine. You may be the reason someone else can make it through the day. My oldest wrote a story of a girl that was contemplating her miserable life. She had daily patterns that had her reflecting on the mundane tasks of everyday. The character in the story was so tired of this life and her loss of self worth. After stretches of time of dealing with such a tedious repetition and questioning her value. A value that she perceived, she received a call from an unlikely person and they struck up a friendship. This friendship changed her. It was revealed at the end of the story that the one who reached out, did so because she viewed this supposed boring girl as the funniest person she knew and this friendship was one that saved her from a very sad ending. In a brilliant plot twist, the girl receiving the call had decided not to go ahead with an attempt in her own life because of the call.

Your existence means something to someone. You may not even know it. You can go through a thousand things and feel that you do not matter, you do. It is a plot twist, because half the time, it could be someone that doesn’t even speak to you. There is someone in this world that admires you. They watch from the sidelines and take comfort that you share the same world as them. People can see the real you. You may even do it yourself. Never hold back compliments, never stop building others up, try compliments.. start with a greeting, start with a smile.

I am trying to keep from planting anything. I always jump the gun, and frost comes and kills all my efforts. A greenhouse would help. I haven’t raked or set up outdoor spaces yet. I am officially out of hibernation. So far I have ignored my call to the soil. I have been to the garden center twice, but just for planning. Actually I did get flower bulbs and some garden gloves. I will be a month of Sundays before planting season, so that will help me stay out of the dirt. Doesn’t stop me from scrutinizing my growing spaces!

Spring always starts a sniffle season, allergies, asthma, arthritis. Melting snow and tons of rain, it is always wet and damp. It’s like all the germs are locked under the snow frozen and once everything melts, everyone gets one last gut punch of illness before summer gets here. Spring equals mud, especially with pets. I am lucky, mine is a princess. She doesn’t typically romp and roll in the mud. She goes out and rain has her doing her business and charging back to the house for shelter. I like spring only because it means summer is next.

I enjoyed it as a kid, it meant fishing and getting outside. We would usually go to Niagara Falls or the Metro Zoo before all the tourists arrived. Right now it means sore joints and mosquitoes. It does smell fresh, had the windows all open to bring that smell in. The cat likes it, she bolts from window to window. I hope she doesn’t start trying to get out! She laps the house inside in four seconds, she talks to the birds outside, with noises, we have not heard before. She represents me in the spring as a child, and the dog is me now!

Momma had around to it, it was donut shaped and had, “around to it,” written on it. When someone said, “when I get around to it,” she would give it to them. One of those things that is funny the first time. It’s more effective if the person always uses the phrase and doesn’t have the intention of doing it. I don’t think I could do that on purpose. I put things on a list, or make a mental note, if I don’t do it… I have forgotten.

I am more apt to say, “ when I get a minute.” Or ask someone for something, when they get a minute. I had a little one I watched that delayed every request with, “in a minute!” Better than “no” I guess . Maybe that is it, people say it because they don’t want to say no. Like when parents say maybe… meaning no, kind of softening the answer. Well my parent’s maybe, meant no. My maybe means, I can’t answer yet. I try to be precise with my answers, I am not afraid of receiving or giving no.

More recently I struggle with planning. There are so many things going on and I want to do all of them. Most things are a month away and I am chomping at the bit to do them, but when the time comes, something is in the way. I feel bad if I have to cancel, and mostly for myself! I’ve turned into a last minute type of gal. This is huge for me, Miss plan! It is so last minute is so okay.

I was visiting with Momma, we were discussing advances. Momma recalled when she had a conversation with her great granddaughter. She was explaining that when she was a little girl, T.V had no colour. It was black and white. Our grand looked at the television and my mom explained that the picture on it had no blues or reds. She went on to explain that when her mother was little, they didn’t even have a television. You could see the processor in her mind taking in the information. In her aha moment she said, “ oh she just watched the computer!” Another time I was eating a grapefruit with a grapefruit spoon, she asked me what I was doing, and I explained all about grapefruits and the process. She continued to puzzle over the task. Finally she got up and as she walked away, I heard her murmur, “ I just don’t know what you’re doing to that orange?”

This same grand is now a teen, (well almost) she whips my phone out of my hand and bada boom bada bang, does stuff. Stuff I know nothing about. Quite frankly, I’m glad because it is the way of her future. Lot’s of room for debate in the progress. In the right hands, in mature minds, there is definitely gains to be made. If I do take a minute, I learn quite a bit. I can tell you that some of it creates extreme frustration. I have mentioned I have a long fuse, but automation and technology creates some inner fireworks when I can’t do it! No fuse, immediately want to get a bat and smash every technical gadget around! I share what I know to ease others frustration, so I must know something.

I don’t care so much about modern conveniences, I do enjoy them! I want to see the progress in medicine and health. For now, I’ll kick on my outerwear and enjoy the green spaces. Real green spaces, with trees and brooks. Not the green that they tell us they are creating. I certainly can’t afford a hundred thousand dollar car that I have to plug in. I’ll walk, reduce, reuse, recycle thanks. When did electricity for cars become renewable? That electricity isn’t coming from solar, water or wind, but what do I know?

We had a detective birthday party for our oldest one year. One of my favorite parties. It took lots of planning. I had saved every piece of junk mail and envelope from regular mail. I had saved every empty box from cereal and school snacks. The kids were in teams with a certain colour. They had three steps to complete the tasks to win. I can’t remember the first task, something to do with words and a map, I think. When they solved that part they had to go into room number one and search through the boxes to find their colour clue and solve it. Once that was complete they had to go through giant bag of junk mail to find and solve the final clue. Kid parties were my thing. I liked to have enough stuff to keep them entertained until pick up. This party was perfect and I did not have to lead it.

Since I spent a huge chunk of my preteens watching and playing detailed games of Charlie’s Angels, detective work was one of my life goals, after forest ranger. Didn’t pan out like many of my childhood whims, however it gave me a good set of skills that helped me raise kids. Good cop, bad cop, interrogation, divide and conquer, sequence of events, who ate the cereal, who spilled the milk, who ate all of their siblings advent chocolates!

Digital age messes with these skills now. I am not real tech savvy. Much better than the grade ten student that walked out of Data Processing and swore off all technology. So the technical people have a one up. For some, they may also have a deficit. If they received a cursive letter with a map attached giving grid coordinates to a pay phone telling them to make a call when the giant analog clock on the corner said 2:18, I’m not sure how many sleuths it would take. I know, a bit far fetched. I’m sure the criminals would leave a phone with coordinates already in Google maps and a countdown timer built in. All jokes aside, I sure hope these older ways don’t become obsolete…

I think I love reading for the same reason I love old movies, dialogue. We get into the guts of the mind and communication. The norm now is action. People are watching reels and tik toks for the forty second visual stimulation. I too enjoy a good action movie! Conversation and the inner thoughts seem to have dropped off. Even with kids a two minute attention span is a stretch to pack in things that will keep them engaged. A book read aloud is well received with silly voices, expressive movements and pregnant pauses!

I dropped into a friend’s house the other day and an old western was on. Immediately I was sucked in, sure there was a gunslinger and action, but there was conversations that had a moral or perspective that makes you feel better for hearing it. My Momma could name all the old actors, and I stated this fact. My neighbour immediately was able to tell me the key people on the screen. I love that! Have you ever seen Guess Who’s Coming For Dinner? Very old movie, mostly conversation and I was riveted during the whole movie.

I know I am a visual gal, but there is something that draws you into the use of language. Maybe it sparks intellect, or peaks curiosity. It challenges your reasoning, it expands our understanding for sure. It is important to question, recount events and answer our whys. My hope is that these are not things that are falling away for the generation coming up. The art of speaking and listening is a valuable asset we can’t afford to lose. Learning really is for life.

April first brought sun, no joke. At one point I went outside to my swing. This particular spot is enclosed and it was a complete bucket of sunshine. So incredibly warm, I closed my eyes and basked in it. A train rolled by and I was swept away to another place. I was a child, no shoes, running through a field. Then I was on my mom’s lap, clearly too old to be there, but enjoying the security I felt. Then the train whistle blasted several times and I was in my Gramma’s back yard, watching the train lumber by. The echo of the rails had me in our two story house playing with dolls feeling the slight shake of the train. I remember thinking how long does it take for the train to go by? As the noise became softer, I was brought to the subway and a daily commute that was so familiar.

After the train was gone, a timeline followed of how I got here. So many stages. A young wife and momma, a bustling house of teens, a pool full of children, when it was just a plank to get in. My own mother in a kiddie pool was my kids. My husband and my dad playing ball in the yard, with a dozen children. I remembered the first swing set in the front yard, it was replaced by the play-set hubby built in the side yard. I went without siding for a year, a floor for a year. So many changes.

A little bit of nature and sun was all I needed. It took me away. It made me thankful. It brought me happiness, carved a path through mementoes of sweet moments. I wonder when the next train goes by. I know there is one around 10:30. That is the one I used to get on to go to sleep before google was invented. Now I go to sleep to waves crashing, sometimes I do use train sounds. Now I know why. A trigger for happiness! Like homemade bread or an old song…

I have got Spring Fever! I want to rip it out, tear it down, scrub, purge and go. What actually goes on inside the body to signal these emotions? Is it visual? I saw a Robin, a Bluejay, the grass is green, buds on the trees. Is it smell? I can smell the soil, the freshness, it think I smell the warmth. Do we have an internal clock? My Facebook memories on this day, going back are all the same. A switch in everything. Maybe it is the increase of light in the day?

I know there is science behind it. My joints ache, headaches when the sky clouds over, allergies are waking up. I know the chemical composition in the body shifts. I know the Earth tilts a little more towards the sun. I also know, we will probably get more snow. I just want to enjoy whatever magical fairies are lighting a fire in me that feels like new batteries. I feel like the big ice age glacier has peeled back and now is the time to clean up the debris. That perimeter needs to be shovelled and reset.

I am so close to nature, perhaps all the things that lay dormant are ready to come forth for a new season. I’m game, I am in! An instinct of survival or hibernation has lifted. Even if it is just for today. I got stuff to do! I hope everyone has felt this shift. Don’t waste your daylight friends!

For all the things that float around in my mostly empty head, happiness is floating to the top. Perhaps it is floating because of all the crazy amount of rain we have had. Really though, it seems the surface stuff has been a little less. The only things I have stuffed is the old stuff. The new stuff isn’t getting packed up, I am not carrying it like pieces of trash. Seems to go through the system like a washing machine. Take it in, wash it around, spin, rinse and done. This I need to maintain. Music, movement and a support network all installed.

Now is the time for joy! I find laughter has been so easy lately. Nothing like sore muscles from laughing so much! The little humans that surround me everyday are starting to have their aha moments. That is a fine thing to witness, they just glow right from the inside out! It is quite a transformation. You want to do something great in this world, give a child self esteem! I swear they grow three inches! Building others up should be part of your life motto. People need that, everyone likes to feel appreciated.

This weekend do that for someone. I race through hallways everyday fixated on something, I barely see people. They are there, I am just preoccupied. Slow up a bit in your down time, take an extra minute to really look at someone. Make a connection, smile, talk, make it a mission to make someone’s day. Get out of your head. Be the grocery clerks feel good story they share when they get home. Give yourself some smile wrinkles! I know not everyone can match that energy. Just take one day and empower someone!

If there are no more tomorrows, what would be your last day? Did you do it all? Are you on the sidelines? Do you look out at the world or do you participate? Why do we always question? We need to stop looking past the moment we are in. Just do! Really though, you need to live, not just exist. You are not rooted in the ground beneath your feet, go!

I was complaining to myself about last summer’s weather. We didn’t really get summer, it rained all the time. It was so hard to plan something, on and on in my head. Last summer there were some incredibly hot days for a few weeks. I lived in the pool. Friends came by, hubby built me an outdoor paradise. My daughter kidnapped me and we went to the “cuts.” I grew a ton of tomatoes. I got away with co workers, got a weekend with my brother. It was a different summer, but I spent time with family and it was wonderful. Sure there was crap, but there will always be crap.

If time was wasted, well that is on me. If I remember it as a write off, again, on me. Only thing to do going forward is just do, rain or shine. Poor me is not for me! Spring just started, summer is a long way off. Time is now, that is where my focus should be. That is my problem, it has been a heck of a year, week, day. There are plenty more, tomorrow is new, don’t waste it! Go do!