Sometimes the rear view mirror has a caution sign, so we move forward. The past has a lot to offer. You can be selective on recall. I have a video of hubby laughing, deep, hardcore laughing. I played it during supper the other night and although the details are vague, it was infectious. Probably should have waited until we were done eating to avoid choking. I’m glad I have the video. I need more of my family laughing. What a sweet emotion to carry around.

I was trying to get rid of pictures off of my phone, but the distraction of all the different times had me sucked in for hours! My phone is my memory bank, don’t really want to curb that. It is so easy to get caught in events and life and forget to shine a spotlight on better times. A constant highlight reel playing the key positive moments. The old show, “This is your life,” just good times! Maybe that is why so many people are hooked on Tik Tok and movie clips, feel happy little clips.

Bad moments happen, maybe even necessary. They help us reflect and do better. It allows us to have true gratitude and appreciation for our lives. Sounds counterproductive, but in the bigger picture and hindsight we really do relish our good times more after experiencing the less than moments. When my gal pals get together, the ugly, scary, rough stuff comes out, but now we can laugh at it. We poke fun at ourselves and create good out of bad. Maybe we need to check mark our good days on the calendar. Just checks and x’s don’t want to write out a docudrama. Make yourself some fun, every day!

I am sure the picture of your darlings milling about in their school fills your day with sparkle. We do that to feel better about our own day. In our minds eye, they do no wrong. We recant days with them, ignoring the dropped dilemmas, the averted gazes. Are their failures ours as well? Is character created by us as parents or lack of parenting. Do we have guilt for our absences in their day? When we shuffle them out the door, hurry them into bed, make light of their worries, who is it for? Do you know all the truths of their day? Probably not.

A child needs community too. The experiences they are exposed to outside of home has an impact. Just as it takes a community to raise a child, it can also tear them down. A lifetime of you building them up and giving them self esteem can be cast aside so easily. Friends can hold more value than you. They hold the opinions of companions over family. You only get to watch the repeated actions deflate your child slowly over time.

Just like an abusive relationship it changes the targeted person. Their self worth starts to dissolve, their sense of adventure leaves, until there is just a shell of a former vibrant person. You can tell them, the others are no good for them, but they are stuck. You can be their community too. You need to be their voice, when no one else listens. Some parents almost long for the sass to come back when they are clinging to you for change. Be that!! Get in there, it’s easy to throw your hands in the air with frustration, do the work and help them claw back their peace and belonging.

If you can, stand back and take it all in. If your breath hasn’t reached your navel in a while, get a nice fresh deep breath. I’ve kinda been whatever lately. No deadlines, take off the pressure of life. You may not accomplish much in this mode, but this isn’t the olympics. There is no gold medal, as a matter of fact, not even a sticker. You exist, Amen.

I have been the most laid back and disorganized I have ever been. That is okay, I straightened a table today, and didn’t obsess over how straight it was. Come what may, no worries. No fevered planning, just day by day, toes in the water approach. Feels good. Fall is wrapping up, winter is arriving. I am safe, I am comfortable. What else matters? Family is fabulous, bed is comfy. I have everything I need. I did have no coffee one morning and I survived.

No tree up yet, no lists, just waking to my feelings and doing what the day directs. I can not believe it is December! 2024 will be here soon enough, ready or not. Numbers are after all, are just numbers. My inner voice is calm, I am not reciting every move I make out loud like I am gonna forget what I am doing. I create my own pressure sometimes. It is a good realization. I believe everything is a choice. I didn’t consider that my own choices may push me a bit too much. I will find the balance in this new road to blend with my old road and be a little more lax and enjoy it. Put on something cute and soft and just let it all fall away for a bit. There is so much you don’t control, really that is okay.

When they are home in the evening,

In the morning before we’re all leaving

Is that hug enough?

When their day is beyond tough?

The love that you wrap around,

Is more than the negative sound?

And the bite of the words,

All day long that they heard?

The infant we gave our protection

The one we give all our affection

Is it enough to keep them from crying?

Will it sway them to want to keep trying?

Friends are everything now,

To keep them happy, but how?

Ask them if they know?

Ask them who?

Just be glad it’s not you…

Both my nieces are having babies this coming year. Not a lot of opportunity to see tiny ones nowadays. I may be a little excited. I want to buy all the baby things, sure hope I get a heads up before they arrive so I can buy all the cutie things! That is what the next generation does, keeps baby items close by. Babies are timeless, they need everything all the time. You can never have too much stuff for infants and toddlers. They don’t travel light either. I always tried to have items at my house for my grands. Nothing worse than the car seat swap, better just to have one in every vehicle.

The evolution of baby items have come along way. Infant car seat to stroller sure would have been a great invention when I was a child toting mom. It’s brutal to have to wake them to go and do errands. Toasty little sleeper, moved from car seat to chilly stroller is fun for no one. My best investment was a car bottle warmer and a swing. I remember saving points off the side of Ivory Snow detergent ( in a box) to send away for a cardboard playhouse. Now, Amazon has everything at your fingertips.

One thing that hasn’t changed, they still don’t come with a manual. Each one is unique! Momma’s still go without sleep and still don’t get to the bathroom alone. There are still overwhelming days and days that fill you with so much love. There is a fierceness that takes over as a parent. Babies are promises of the future. We are all part of shaping that future. For now, my future is little outfits and booties, bibs and blankets!

My cat’s fur is trippy! She has hearts in certain positions, she has a surprised face in other spots, stripes, blotches, she should of been called emoji. She looks symmetrical, but it’s a surprise every time! My mind works like that too. One thought, on to another, a new idea and then distraction. This is new, I am not usually a scatter brain kinda girl. It’s been all free flow and unorganized, I think I like it. A friend of mine posted something about paper airplanes and it resonated, is it too late to change?

Are we too old to change? Nah, we are too old to be rigid and care too much. Less patience for foolishness. Less time to worry. You need to just enjoy life, any day can be your last. Who lives like that anyways? Good grief! Walking around like one foot is in the ground. I call foul, restart, do over. I’m done worrying, I actually took a trip without checking the weather or having studded tires on my all wheel drive SUV. I’m bringing crazy back, forget bringing sexy back!

I’m still going to bundle up for the winter, I’m not that crazy. However there is a bunch of cobwebs and trash that needs to be cleared out. I will have to post this new affirmation somewhere for a reminder. I have to stop thinking so much. I need to say more…out loud, not just inside my head. I have too many filters, blah. Just need to stop tucking all my words into bed with me. I’m gonna try to wear this new skin for awhile, more like the original me. Me, raw and unfiltered, free!

Christmas season is coming, I have started to watch the movies a little early this year. I love Christmas! Baking, singing, shopping, decorating, all of it, I wish I could carry all those feelings in my pocket. I had to head into town today and I made a point of naming every single thing I am grateful for. It was important to remind myself of all of it. I have not decorated yet, I have to clean my house first. I also have to consider my newest ball of terror. I am sure she will love the tree. I bought the cat and the dog a present and gave it to them already. I don’t have the willpower not to.

I love giving! I try to down size Christmas, but I love it. I try to stick to something they want, something they need, something for bed and something to read, for the kids. When my kids were little, Christmas was awesome. I wasn’t the parent that got them something whenever the mood struck. So presents were well received. I don’t care about the getting myself, I like time the season gives and someone else cooking. I hope nothing ever changes the way I feel about Christmas.

I don’t think I baked anything last year, I am going to this year! I have started my shopping, I gotta wrap it before I give presents out early! I find it hard not to smile when I think about the Christmas season. It’s like the beach of winter. Hubby even asked if I wanted lights up outside. It’s a catchy feeling. I need to get cards out this year too, I only did a few last year. I even love Christmas cards. I could probably quote most Christmas movies and still love the cartoon ones. The old movies in black and white about Christmas are so hard to find, but I love them too. Happy preparation days! If you want a card, reach out, I will send you one! Any address provided, will get a card. Get decorated and share your festive home pictures, I need your happiness to spill out!!

I feel like I have opened a book I can’t put down. My amazing husband has been a solid rock in my foundation. He has helped me turn pages that have been left unread. It’s a thick book, once you get through the preamble and lengthy foreword, the content is heavy. It’s a good book, don’t get me wrong. Some chapters are page turners, some just go on and on. The ones with glimpses of the future keep you on the edge of your seat, all mysterious and evasive leaving you in wonder of how it turns out.

I do not like cliff hangers, I like the twists and turns in a story. The final wrap up needs to be happy. I like when the ending blindsides you, it’s good, but you don’t see it coming. Some books rush the ending, like the author got bored of writing and just threw it together. Other books drag it on like they get points for the amount of words used instead of having a natural flow to the story. The best books are the ones you are sad to see end. The characters were genuine and you just want to know more.

Our lives are stories, wish I could keep that perspective all the time. With life though, sometimes the chapter you’re in doesn’t get an ending before the next one starts. The story continues but it’s one of those books where they go back and forth between story lines before you get any closure. I think I have made the reference before about keeping all the apples you are juggling in the air. I get confused with those type of books, too many story lines and you start to bond with some characters and then there is a wardrobe change and you get caught up in another story line with a different path. I used to read more than one book at a time. I don’t advise it. One story is plenty! With a happily ever after and a scripted The End.

I walked to this building, I think I was 6, with my babysitters son of the same age. Almost one major city block in Toronto. David and I were outside of our tri level apartment playing, when our friend Frankie walked by. Frankie’s mom had a baby and of course I loved babies! Well we dashed into the apartment and begged to go to Frankie’s, but David’s mom said no. Frankie’s mom had invited us but the answer was no. We went back out to deliver the bad news and we were left to whine to each other about how unfair it was. After a few minutes, David said he would try again and dashed off to ask his mom. He came flying outside and told me she changed her mind and we took off full tilt to catch up to Frankie’s mom. It was a glorious ride in the elevator, it was a floor past 10. We spent the afternoon, me with the baby and David playing with Frankie.

The baby went for a nap and we were getting bored, so we headed to the balcony to take in the views. People looked tiny on the ground, but I knew it was my mother and my babysitter on the sidewalk out front. David and I climbed higher to wave our arms and call our hellos. Momma looked different when she got to the base of the building. Turns out, David lied, we did not have permission. Our moms were in a panic, no clue where Frankie lived, and beside themselves that this set of kindergarten kids had gone up the four lane major road. Mom said, I was hanging over the balcony rail. We heard it all the way home.

I got the leather strap at home. I didn’t cry, I didn’t do anything wrong. I sobbed through the talking part, not suppose to trust anybody! I was five, I didn’t know people lied. I still trust people until I have a reason not to. I detest liars. Fast forward fifty years, as a grandparent, I feel physically ill. Our poor Mommas. How terrified they must of been. People are not perfect, things happen in an instant. This is a teaching story, could have had a totally different outcome. Frankie’s mom was a gracious host. It was a great time until it wasn’t. Some kids know how to lie at a young age, some don’t. Who has fault in this story. I won’t debate or judge that, but it clearly shows how anything can happen.

Listen to yourself and when you don’t just start over as many times as needed. It is okay to choose silence and be alone if you are safe there. It is important to have a relationship with yourself. Can’t love others if you don’t love yourself, bring your barriers down. If you are insecure in your life, you will constantly seek approval for your actions and decisions. I find the hardest thing to deal with is uncertainty. I always say it is change, but I feel it is more about not knowing, feeling unprepared, I suppose they go hand and hand.

I won a four wheeler once, we got helmets and added seats, and set out to explore. Now this city girl, knows nothing about all terrain vehicles. Mud puddles were fun, but what was under the water? Was it an actual hole or wash out? These things can roll right? Why? What actions make that happen? We headed down a steep hill once and as we proceeded I prepared to climb off and jump. Now my dad had an automatic and when I got to run that machine on my own, I was elated. My rules, my path, happy girl.

Unfortunately life is not predictable and we don’t have control. Uncertainties are the name of the game. It is better to learn how to deal with them in a positive manner.You are responsible for your reactions and more often than not they can be irrational. It takes you a long time to learn or rather unlearn these life long coping techniques that don’t suit the betterment of life. In every life situation, the most unbearable you will overcome. You will, it never seems like it, but you do. Even when time passes and you look back, your life has all the pitfalls and every time you are still here. Celebrate your ability to do that. Is your stuff worse than others? Don’t do that, you deal with you, your emotions are valuable, no two paths are the same. Worse, better is of no importance it is yours to navigate.