The family doesn’t get together as much as I would like. Not as a whole, pieces come together separately but all under the same roof is hard to arrange. Same with cousins, and siblings there are always obstacles. We make an effort for funerals, but we need to get together with the living far more often. If you were to make a list of the people you haven’t seen in awhile, take the rest of this month to arrange some meet up time. A coffee, a stroll, make it a habit to incorporate a visit. My parents would drop in daily for tea. Fifteen minutes for a little chat, mind you they had one kid to do rounds with.

All under one roof here is an adventure. Having grown children, the way back conversations always come out. Their remember when stories come out and we may learn something new every time. Hubby has his favourites and the kids will roll their eyes and comment about how he always tells that story. It’s great when the siblings start on each other about their childhoods, but eventually they turn on us. Not malicious, but their observations of us as parents. Their perception of our relationship, something we did or said that gets them all roaring with laughter. The meal is not important, the laughter is priceless.

Sharing space with people you love is important. Seeing people that you haven’t seen in awhile, get them into your month. Be realistic with a time frame. It can become easy to just to get through your day. Visiting has been shut down in our recent past, you need to get out of that mindset. It used to be a thing, dropping in to see someone. I second guess it now, maybe I should message them? How about you? Do you welcome a drop in? Do you need a heads up? I don’t, I may not be here, but if I am home, come on in!

All the versions of a mom, wrapped up in one. They all live inside you. The mom that is a daughter or sibling, we all came from somewhere. The mom that has little ones, and then the mom of grown ups. Mom as wife, friend, coworker, so many hats. It is hard to turn the mom part off, I mom everything. I have used all my mom hats this week. I have stepped in as a mom, and stepped away as a mom. I like the mom parts in dad’s, to watch a father tuck in a child, kiss boo boos, tend to their kids, hits me in the feels.

Everyone can call upon their inner mom, it isn’t gender specific, it doesn’t have an age, it doesn’t even have to have children. Interceding for someone, putting someone else before yourself, dropping into someone’s emotional distress, we all have that. You see it in little kids, I love that too! It always amazes me to see it in the most unlikely people. Those are the keepers in life, that’s how you know the generations will be okay going forward.

I can’t really say why we are like this, it is not because we all had sensational moms. Not everyone is nurtured the same. That gentile and compassion is in there. It may lay dormant for a time, and some are just that way from the beginning. You may play a role in the creation of it in someone else and don’t even know it. You see someone after years and they recall something that was life changing for them. You did that, and you may not even recall it. You are who you are but impact everyone around you. Be careful with your words and actions . Reflect what you want to see in this world.

Thanksgiving weekend is upon us. It is busy, no time to be weary. Whether you are the feast maker or guest or just taking the day to be relaxed, be sure to count your blessings. Use your fingers and toes, come up with 20 reasons why. This is the time. Does it come easy for all of us, probably not but dig deep. If you are on this side of the ground, that is reason number one. I don’t care if it is for the new mop sitting in the closet, you can come up with twenty.

Misfortune is everywhere nowadays and I find even the most downtrodden can find reasons to be thankful. Close your eyes and twirl the rolodex in your brain to things that make you happy. What creates happiness in your life? I love fresh air, clean laundry, smiles, touch! Create a bucket of things, moments to bring these feelings out. Write down the five happiest moments in your life, elaborate, details, use your senses, refer to it in those moments that gut punch you.

The trees have turned now and a few have already dropped their leaves. Drop your old leaves too, make way for new growth. Rake up the debris in your mind and put it at the curb. Every day is a good day to start over, fresh, new. Put yourself on a cloud, a beach, a path that elevates you. Even if it is just in your mind’s eye. Sweep down the cobwebs and open the windows to a new beginning.

I fostered fourteen kids over ten years, six were under the age of five. I had three children of my own. There was a lot of potty training in my house. I got rid of the last potty in my house six years ago. Kids will be trained when THEY are ready. Each one is different and all different ages, don’t compare. You have to think like a toddler to do the job. Age ranges from eighteen months to five years, for being completely trained. Background, emotional ability, mentality all play a role, and I am not even talking about the kids.

Some kids don’t like to be dirty or wet. That makes the job easier. Some are terrified of the toilet or the flush sound. I have taken a toddler to a public bathroom and have been their seat because the space on the lid is too much. Some are independent or want privacy, these kids will make the most mess but a willful child is determined. Although I had two hiders when it was time for the BM but peeing was no problem. Some are extremely anxious about bodily functions and may need a happy story about getting the job done. We have had the vengeful poopers that seem to do it specifically when it gets them out of a task or the holders that wait until it is too late becoming extremely upset with the accident.

Summer training is easier, no pants, no problem. They can start off strong and regress in an instant. Let them set the pace. A child has been trained in a weekend and others can take a year. You shouldn’t punish accidents. It is a habit that has to be formed. When they get up, before and after meals, before and after naps, before bed. Sound sleepers may need a diaper at night. It requires consistency and patience. It is a milestone, and a celebration for every success! Soon enough it will all be behind you, and you will move on to your own bladder control!

We had a cat for seventeen years. My oldest picked her out from the SPCA the year before she graduated. All white, one green eye, one blue eye, she lived the longest of any of our pets. She was there when our first dog passed away and she was there when our current dog came home. She went with my daughter to University in Fredericton, making trips home when she did. When my daughter went to University in Ontario, she stayed with us. She was sweet and patient when the grandkids were born. She became family and then my son’s cat. My husband doesn’t like cats but every night she was in the recliner between his legs, letting him rock her to sleep with his wiggly foot.

Whether it is person or pet, leaving or dying, loss is loss. It is an absence that is felt and can hit you at any moment. It doesn’t go away, it does change. You never forget the impact loss plays on your life. Some people are less forgiving when that loss is a pet. Our cat had renal failure and we had a little time to say our goodbyes. After my son went blind, she was with him constantly. When he had to lie face down for a week after each surgery, she laid on his back to keep him company. She was in his lap and on his computer desk more than she was on the floor. When it was time for her to go, he stayed with her and sang her across the rainbow bridge. We called her construction cat because when my husband fired up a power tool, she came running and if she got out, she was on the roof.

Be tender with yourself, be tender with others. My dog is finally starting to act a little less sad. Our cat loved her too and spent most mornings grooming the dog’s face. You can’t replace that loss, getting a new pet does not replace the one that is gone. It is an acceptance that they are gone. It is a sign you are ready to love again. It does not fill the hole in your heart. You can’t do that with people, why would you expect to do it with a pet. Don’t rush, don’t dwell on their passing. Load up on all the wonderful moments you had. Don’t diminish the memory with the sadness. They were in your life for a reason, they provided something you needed. That is what you need to remember.

I did it! I found my pace! It is Sunday and I didn’t leave it all till now. Anything I do today is extra. Maybe I will read a book or go on adventure, or nothing! Only took a month to get into the new groove. My brain of course says, “ oh spare time huh? Maybe now would be a good time to start…” insert lengthy list of all things I have wanted to start. I will just take the win for now.

Hustle and bustle is real and more often then not we have to fight to get it right. Pushing against a clock that has no give, that is me most of the time. Really the clock is just one we create. The element of time is ever moving forward, but what we put on the plate of our day is within our control. There are always going to be things we have to do. I always had the to do list, but when my daughter suggested a, what have you done list, it is far more rewarding. Nothing feels more disappointing then a list that never ends.

I only write down crisis level to do things. I could dig out a journal of my lists from previous years and there are things in there that are probably still not done. My agenda of items were overkill. I would scan all the spaces and write down everything that I wanted to accomplish, very unrealistic. I had to change that obviously. You have to have down time and fun. When your days off are spent racing, you will burn out pretty quick. I like just one day for nothing, you owe it to yourself. If you don’t have to, don’t!

Do you wear your heart on your sleeve? Out there to be hurt? I know it beats deep inside your chest and is a driving force. It beats a little harder for some. Incidents can make it miss a beat, happiness causes it to skip a beat, when your scared it seems to stop or pound. You have one heart, it does a lot of work, it is another one of your bodies many filters. This organ seems to be the one we feel with. “ Oh my heart!” Not often replaced with; my spleen, my kidney, my liver.. well maybe!

Our body protects our heart with our diaphragm and a set of ribs, while we may carelessly expose it to constant heartbreak. Or perhaps you have it incased in ice, surrounded by walls, perhaps there is a drawbridge and a moat. Loving freely is a pleasure, but the world isn’t like that. Parents, role models, leaders it is what we want for the world. We do have to reserve a little piece for the very important, like potato water, kept a bit for the gravy. It is a very serious organ, don’t use it all up.

You can’t survive without a heart. Let it function as it is suppose to. Let it take in, filter and give you life. In our bodies it is automatic. In your life you need to learn what to filter. Real hearts can get build up and blockages, life ending stuff. You can only take so much. Learn to protect these tender bits. Kids go to a lot of trouble to tuck in all their stuffies. We go to a lot of trouble to tuck in our kids. Maybe tuck in your heart, save it . Live long, live happy.

Your feelings are real, your fears, your doubts, your misgivings, all of it is real. Are they valid? Where did they come from? The emotional baggage we drag around. Are they singular and have been allowed to grow and fester. Are they constantly proving you right? Or are they just magnified and you see them everywhere? Look for trouble and it appears. Do you have good luck items and when bad things happen it is because you didn’t have them? Maybe you just think this way.

Start speaking what you want into existence. If you believe it, it will be. It is changing your mindset. This is why vision boards were created. Also why surrounding yourself in positive affirmations change lives. When dark clouds blow into your life, you have to look past them. You don’t stay outside in storms. Seek shelter, nourish your happiness. So many people get stuck in their narrow little minds. Get outside of the box.

Don’t quit! Maybe walk around and see it from another angle. Sometimes, can’t means, I don’t want to, or I’m tired. Just don’t stop trying. There is always tomorrow, a good night sleep, a fresh cup of coffee, they call it dawn for a reason! New day, fresh air, good sleep, a balanced meal, all things are possible. Don’t stand in your way, first steps are hard!

I was a crazy teenager once. I lived in high heels, jeans and a leather jacket for three years. I listened to heavy metal and classic rock. We raised each other back then. I’m glad I wasn’t raised by the web. You wanted to know stuff, you had to read books. I was made a sandwich, and given a dollar a day, that bought me a soup and a mint Aero bar. Grade nine and ten, school was just a place to be. It almost cost me my graduation. When school was out, loads of us hung out at a local middle school on the hill. Weekends were at the bottom of the bluffs, up to no good. Police used to come in to shore from the lake and kids would scatter up the cliff.

Grade eleven and twelve I found football and helped manage our team. I needed every single credit to graduate. I joined drama and did a co-op course in physical education helping special needs. Kids were still segregated then. I befriended teachers, lost friends in car accidents and seen more alcohol poisoning then I care to see again. Television shows had a moral to the story. We had assemblies with real people that told stories of real obstacles in life. Nobody sugar coated anything. Abuse, neglect were family secrets that you only guessed about. Canadian Human Rights Act was formed in 1977, but the revision in 1985, I remember.

The children of yesteryear are not vastly different then the next. They have changed, but every parent of every generation can attest to the amount of change in the next generation. I try to picture my Gram having teens in the sixties. Each generation has it’s own set of uniqueness. You have the good, bad and the ugly in every set. You have different skill sets, different fails and successes. Each one brings evolution of the human race. You are part of the process, a stepping stone. You are responsible, either by example or creation of all future generations. For this reason, you are important. Your actions, attitudes and reactions are all being watched. Be the difference we need.

Do you ever meet someone and then have a whole glimpse of how they may have been as a child? We are so much more than the person we show others. There is a lifetime of passage we know nothing about. Someone introverted or extroverted may not of started that way. Our journeys build us, and we can rebuild that persona anytime. I guess that is why labelling bothers me so much. History does not have to repeat itself.

If you were free to be who you are and had a perfect childhood, do you grow up perfect? I don’t think so. There were trouble spots in my life and because of them, I strive to do better or more. When you lock people into that box and lower expectations for someone, do they strive to do better? Why would they? They are continually told who they are and may just opt to be just that. If you chose who you are today before maturity, you may become stuck there.

On a recent trip to the mall, I watched a parent berate their child’s behaviour, it was valid to have a consequence. It didn’t stop there. It became more than a correction, it became an attack on their character. It was a tirade, unrelenting bash of their apparent failure to ever do the right thing. Comparisons were thrown out, and anyone within earshot got a rundown of the history of bad decisions. People side eyed the parent. I watched the child, he was silent, he already had accepted that he would not be able to fix it. I watched for any flicker of hope in that child’s face. At one point he cast his head down and when it came back up, he started to walk toward his parent and then pulled that parent in for a hug. The look on his mom’s face and then his own, said it all. No matter how upsetting the original exchange was, I knew they would be okay. Coping skills were in place and although life would be hard, they would be okay. This child knew it wasn’t him. This child knew way more than he was given credit for. Sometimes love is all we need.