In grade three, I had the most amazing teacher. I had a handful that stand out over the years. She was new to our school, young and happy, always doing the extra stuff. We were going to do a Christmas play called the Littlest Elf. Guess who was chosen to be the elf? Me! Now I would do anything for this teacher. I had to start the show, walk into the toy makers workshop crying and announce that there wasn’t going to be Christmas this year. We rehearsed, I had to wait outside the classroom and when she started playing the piano, I needed to burst into the room sobbing with my line. After three or four attempts of not being authentic enough, I was sent out again to make it look more real. In the hall I drudged up some sappy stuff to really cry. I had it all worked out and burst into the room with real tears. My poor teacher ran from the piano to soothe my torn soul, explaining that she was sorry that the part was so hard for me. I tried to explain that it was acting, but I became a toy maker, with a small line.

Christmas concert night, back then they waited for parents to be done work. I had my place on the stage, hammering toys, no tears. It was great, I kept peering beyond the lights for my parents, but it was hard to see. We got through our delightful happy ending story, and went to the front of the stage to receive our applause, just in time to see my mom coming into the gym to watch. I was devastated, I was glad I didn’t have the lead role, and I never let momma forget it. Sorry momma…I had stage fright for years after, but forgiveness and age changes everything, and I will thank momma for that too. Love you mom!

If I dive into this, why didn’t I blame dad? He was there, he would of been the the solo driver at the time. I can’t for certain recall him there. Why did my poor mother shoulder that blame, why didn’t she, in turn point at him? Oh mommas, why do we shoulder it? Going forward with my kids and grandkids, I went. I would leave the school I worked at to watch my grandkids at another school, because now it’s often in the daytime. If I can’t be at an event, I will say so as a heads up. My grands are in a lot of sports and I can’t go to everything. I heap lots of guilt on myself for this. Mom and dad had one kid, I had three and over a dozen foster kids in ten years. Parent teacher night was a marathon for me, maybe a relay race, where you didn’t drop the baton, ever! Parenthood is pressure, we are not perfect. We are an easy target for our children, because they feel safe to unleash on you. Forgive yourself, they do grow up…eventually.

I love seeing the growth and change in people. Perhaps it is their mindset that has changed or maturity, but even physical change, a flattering hairstyle they have or finally wearing colour. Inside change is always the best. Someone that has always been negative seems to shine, A quiet person finding their voice. Sometimes seeing a person for who they actually are, what you never knew about someone that alters your impression of them, explains so much. Meeting new people and learning their life story, it’s part of the draw of genealogy that I enjoy.

Kids are the best though, ones you have known, watching them year after year and watching a personality develop. One and two year olds are an open book, molded by their parents, no blinders on. When kids turn three they form a union and have their own rules. Each child is different, they constantly show you their heart before they become moody teens. Every stage is awe inspiring as they develop, humour, creativity, moral conscience and then goals. It is nice to witness these complex little people in their journey.

Laughing or crying with people while they share their passions or their traumas, human connection. Delving into someone’s history in their narrative, everyone should write a book. Even if the book is for the family, to pass through the generations. I recently read an obituary of a person I had known, but I didn’t. Their story portrayed in those few paragraphs had me in awe of quite a life! It makes you wonder what people see of yourself, not judgement, but what shines outside of you. Always strive to be the best version of yourself, leave a footprint behind that make others want to be better. It is the only way to make this world a better place.

Sitting outside doing nothing, with absolutely no plan, no itinerary is just as important as getting things done. Sounds of nature, if you’re lucky, birds, waves, crackling fires, the wind, just being. That is my meditation, just being in the moment, listening to all the sounds. Of course some people might get to hear, machinery, traffic, voices, but you can work with it. It will be what I miss when the weather changes. I am outside most of the day, especially for my first coffee, just sitting. August always makes me think about the end of summer, I got in almost a week this year, before my thoughts started shifting there. I would be the first one to hype up others that the month has thirty one days and far from over.

How to carry the summer vibes for as long as possible? For one, summer isn’t over until September twenty first. It is followed by Fall, which is, let’s be real, who doesn’t enjoy sweater weather, not parka, sweater! Get up and meet everyday of summer, do something that can only be done in the summer. To really relish the season you need to enjoy it. BBQ, beach, no shoes, day trips on uncovered roads, find waterfalls and hike. Take lots of pictures of the season, get outdoors! Memories with pictures is a way to visit everyday! Write down a quick list of things to do before it is over.

One thing about summer, it doesn’t cost to do things outside. Teach your kids that too, it’s not all about going places that charge admission. Summer is freedom and slow down and relax time. Show them that too. Much to often people run through their summer. Every day you have off doesn’t have to be filled. Regardless of the season, enjoy your days, filled or otherwise. Today I am drinking my coffee, I am going to walk the ocean floor when the tide goes out, look for sand dollars and starfish. Enjoy your summer day friends!

It’s funny how something can happen in your life and you are able to twist it. When I was a teen we lived in a townhouse complex that bordered an industrial park. It was the eighties and we didn’t hang out at home unless the parents weren’t there. It was October and the days were getting shorter and colder. Parents wanted you home when the streetlights came on unless you had somewhere to go specifically. We spent a lot of time in the underground garage. You had to sneak in and you couldn’t get caught. Somebody told someone’s mom, so it was not an option. A friend of ours told us about a construction trailer that was put up behind one of the industrial buildings, so we decided to check it out.

Now me and my bff were fourteen and four foot nothing. We had our matching vests and leg warmers, we had gotten for back to school that year and still freezing. The trailer was easy to find, and what a find it was! Hydro! So lights and heat, a big desk, comfy chairs and a bathroom, it was like having our own apartment. We hung out there for almost a week. One late afternoon, the door opened and a huge man came in. He asked us what we were doing there and we explained we were just hanging out. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t have on a suit or a uniform. He picked up the phone, put it to his ear, replaced it in the cradle and left. We know the phone didn’t work, would of been a sweeter spot if it did. So when he left we just kind of stared at each other to process what just happened. All of a sudden, the trailer started shaking. It had one door and a small window beside that. We ran to the door and it wouldn’t open! We looked out the window and the big man was peeling away in his huge half ton truck with no writing on it. He had wedged a huge piece of lumber against the door so we couldn’t get out! Immediate panic set in, the window didn’t open, I grabbed the useless phone and smashed the window, moving the table to climb out, the glass shredded my vest, my friend was just a little smaller than me, could not get out, so I went back in boosted her up and crawled out behind her just in time to see the truck returning. Behind the trailer was a field and the 401 highway. We booted it across the field. There were huge trenches at least four feet wide we had to jump over every ten feet. The highway was bordered by a 12 foot fence, so we ran along it to the river. We hid under a bridge for 3 hours, he kept driving back and forth on the road above. We tossed our vests and our burdock littered leg warmers and eventually got home. Never to speak of it again.

Hindsight, maybe he was security, he never identified himself. In the moment, he was a predator and he had himself a prize. We were pretty traumatized for quite some time. Any vehicle looking remotely like the one he drove would evoke a fear, like no other. I still wonder what if ? I never told my parents until I was grown and even then the validity of the actual intention is quite concerning. I tried as a parent to be clear that my kids could tell me anything, but I still get the stories after they are grown that make the hair on the back of your neck stand up. They have stuff that would curl your hair parents!

Do you perceive people or things as obstacles in your life? They aren’t but that’s how you perceive them? You don’t go out because of the baby, the money, the planning. You don’t have people over because of the mess, the judgement, the neighbours. You won’t try new things because the failure, time, or fear. Arguments you have with yourself just to function. You are never going to be one hundred percent sure of anything. I find women do this way more then men. We put all the factors in a big pot and stir it for days like a stew. Adding ingredients, spices, bring to a boil and let the flavours meld together and only we know when it’s ready. Not saying men don’t also partake in this, but more often than not, they just eat the stew.

For big decisions everyone makes the stew. The older you get, the stew is easier to make , The recipe is in your memory, you know the secret ingredients and bam, ready in an hour. You make a plan, execute the plan and don’t turn back. As a young adults myself included, your lucky if you had a stew pot or a recipe. Approaching someone else to do or try something different can cause waves imagined or otherwise. Nobody is a mind reader, everybody changes and yesterday’s no can be a yes. If coming from a place of respect, it’s what you want, that ultimately matters. If it matters to you, it’s important.

New family dynamic, life changes, new goals? I suggest you get a pot and a recipe, borrow one from a wise old woman! Go shopping and select ingredients that you need to make the recipe. You can’t find an ingredient? Neighbours still exist, borrow something, others have things in their house you may need. Prepping and slicing, there is no turning back. Don’t delay getting it into the pot, things get icky when they lay around unused! Boil, simmer, and let the flavours blend, enjoy the aroma. You’ll know when it’s ready, Clean up all the mess while waiting, call up a friend and tell them about your stew, others love to here your success, ones you have waited for. Serve hot, with buttered rolls and enjoy the fruits of a job well deserved!

Worse case scenario, picture it in your head. What did you see? How negative was it? Is it rejection that you fear? Failure? Losing? Where does your mind go when approaching new things? People are plagued by their inner voice. Hardest thing to silence is your own voice, is it really the voice of reason or a lifetime of insecurities surfacing? You will be judged, your own judgement is the one that matters and it can be debilitating to move forward. Can you let it fall on deaf ears? Turn a blind eye?

Success can only happen if you try. If you don’t try or if you do, you succeed or you learn. You might learn you are scared, or that you worry too much about other’s reaction. Push the mute button and go forward. People spend too much time inside their own head, disappointed before they even begin. Just do it, you have nothing to lose, plenty to learn. People will tell you anxiety is crippling, absolutely it is, part of the work is sharing. You need to set the thoughts free. Obviously there is way more to it than that, but getting the thoughts out is a start.

This is not an anxiety talk, that’s a chapter in a book for someone much more qualified than me. This is just a footnote for people that struggle with getting out words that should be said out loud. Ping pong in your brain is tiresome. Things that weigh heavily in your head are often left unsaid, so say them. Purging the mind is as important as purging the clutter. Write them down first if it helps. When it comes to trying new things and the ping pong game starts, go do it. Don’t let the what if’s rob you of living your best life. What’s the worst thing that can happen?

I have a huge box of home movies, summer project that is taking up my number one spot. VHS, 8mm, VCR, audio, video jacks… yup all of them, need to be digitized before they disintegrate. Sometimes going back is as fun as going forward. Not looking for a do over, I know that. To have the memories of course is priceless and being the director of all these pieces plays right into my favourite things. I even have old reels of my childhood and I think there is one kicking around of Momma’s. I hope they will find honour somewhere down the line with as much passion I have for them right now.

My kids ran the camera a lot, and some never before seen footage I am just seeing now! Laugh, my, my, what a crew I have! Since half the neighbourhood hung out here, I have them too. I admire their freedom to be themselves in childhood. I am constantly calling my grands by my kids names, but there is so much likeness between them all. Last year I wrote about the fire my husband had as a child and losing pictures and pieces of the past. I did receive a copy of the article about the fire, terrifying! Besides my kids, I always worried about the loss a fire can inflict on the memories.

My digital library is gonna be huge and I already have to start thinking about investing in an external hard drive to contain all of it. I wonder how long before this way if storing them will also become obsolete? Not having something physical like the actual video tape kind of freaks me out, I never did put them on to DVD’s because they were the most scratched up things I have ever seen! I want to give a shout out to You Tube because their tutorials helped me train for this event, actually it has helped me unlimited times on the daily with many tasks! Not sure if I will get this project done soon, it is a pleasant distraction, no better movie than your own!

I really haven’t found me yet, and that is okay. it is hard to find you when the extension of yourself is attached to so many things! I love that though, we can not be our true selves without the attachment of all the things that make us us ourselves. So many things we do that make us truly happy and the service part of ourselves we share that makes us the great that everyone loves! What is better than that. You need, I give, you are and I am!
Be true to you is the mantra that plays, but sharing is the real piece that makes us whole. “You were different” so true, I was different, I was so different and lost. When I was real, it confuses people!

Friends you need to be true to you, and the pieces left over are the pieces to share. You first! That is not selfish that is survival. Seems this summer there has been a lot of talk about the people we were and now the people we are. It is okay to be different if it makes you better! You have changed, doesn’t mean bad, it means your mindset has changed to allow you to be the best version of yourself. I did the time of yes, and I did the time of nope. Now I just do what I feel, my feels are deep, my ties are strong and those in my circle I want the best for! What could be better than that.

Sometimes I feel I try too hard to keep my circle, because they to are changing. Should I let them go? No, some I will always be there for, in my heart of hearts they will always be the ones that are mine. Separate for awhile and see how it pans out, those that care will always be and the rest takes care of itself… really just be you, and the ones that matter never go away! Always love!

I love when the family gets together! The stories come out, repetitive sometimes, but some are worth it! One of my favourites is my husband’s. We used to have a three story house in Oshawa with an in ground pool in the back, a sunroom was on the back of the house and we had our TV set up in there. One night quite late, we heard someone scuffling around outside the sunroom door in the back. We had blinds on all the windows and they were closed, not wanting to go near the door or the windows, we were creeped out. So my hubby and his buddy went out the front and to the back for the element of surprise! Surprised they were when the burst through the back gate, armed with bats, to find a family of racoons. The momma racoon was holding open the garbage and the babies were having a feast on leftover bbq. Momma was huge! Bigger than a dog and here she was bench pressing the lid and a piece of plywood with one hand! When she saw the humans she took off running, babies in tow. They ran down to the pool, swimming across for a quick escape. This story is timeless and is told quite often.

Fast forward ten years, hubby started a job here in New Brunswick and during lunchtime shared his infamous racoon story. A coworker with a thick accent proceeded to tell one of his stories of a fishing up northern New Brunswick. They were all out on a boat, his buddy had a bite. It was huge and heavy and it took three of them to haul it in. Much to there surprise it was a, and grasping for the word proceeded to hold his arm up and swing it back and forth over his head, ” It was one of those things they used on the railway…” Someone blurted out, “lantern!” and the story continued. ” That’s just it, the most amazing part, it was still lit!” Now of course the boys in the room called BS! Specifically, he turned to my husband and said, “You downsize your racoon, and I’ll put the light out!” The best, and now our racoon story can never be told without the lantern story follow up! Quick wit and hilarious!

Sometimes we embellish our stories and only the most sophisticated responses can call you out and add flavour. Not to diminish your story, but to add humour. Our story was true, it grew bit over the years as stories do. His story I assume was true too, and I love the class he used, not shame, no menace, perfect! Was it planned, that it was a light to illuminate the exaggeration? That’s a sitcom bit if I ever heard one!

I have many people that inspire me, people that have gone to faraway places, that are killing it in fitness goals, passionate people with goal driven mindsets. I have noticed I gravitate to the ones on a journey. The ones that are not done yet, the tryers! You know their struggle is real, you feel their obstacles and they are pushing through. Lot’s of people are doing big things and succeeding, but the underdog, silently making progress are the heroes. There is something to be said about these people, no one gives them the time of day and yet they are doing it, not for me or you, for them. The comeback is the victor!

We all come from that underdog spot at sometime in our lifetime. Everyday challenges can put us there. Unfortunate events can happen to anyone, homelessness, not having enough to eat, financial ruin. The ones that are in that situation look around at all the survivors and pine to survive too. The cream of the crop look down and are not always sympathetic. You are not exempt, some people are one missed payment from hitting bottom. No back up plan, no nest egg, no support and you could be right there too.

People that come from nothing are a little more hardy than those never experiencing hardship. Be generous my friends, help and give. Start with family and then work your way outwards. Better humans, better future, after all you can’t take it with you.