You can’t keep a good horse down? I know it’s man but old sayings get messed up all the time! How you perceive someone can be way off base. My mom is in her seventies and that triggers a vision of someone older, but put your microscope on their life and it lights up a past full of life. Mom and I went shopping, short skirts, polka dots, bright colours, call her name. I saw a picture of a gathering of young people in the sixties, momma could of been one of them. Go Go boots, mini skirt, set hair, holding a smoke. We close the chapter on the girl when we have kids, one day after the kids let go of us, she comes back. People are always surprised when you come to this crossroad. You have time to be your former self, the one you never had time for! You haven’t changed, you just come back! You get sleep and then you wake from the mommy fog, and be you.

There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first again, as a parent kids are in front of the line forever. They will always be at the front of the line, for those that are in this boat, it sure is lonely when they all of a sudden they have a life and you don’t. That’s why for some, thirty is the new twenty, or fifty is the new forty, etc. Men just do what they do, they grow as the decades go by. They have their man crew and they do the dad thing. Women are changed by their children, bodies, mentality. emotionally. Their job is twenty four seven, it doesn’t stop when their shift is done, they come home and keep on working. So as the kids age you have an amazing time slot that opens up. You can be pretty selfish with that time, and you should be. As keeper of the cheerios, you start to feel human, you crave grown ups, mental stimulation, friends, events, personal space. You haven’t changed, you are finding you again.

Finding you, there should be a support group! It is a transition and it can be hard on those around you, it obviously isn’t the only transition you will go through in your life time. I just see this one often and the jury says, ” they changed, doesn’t she have four kids?” I say, she has earned it! She grew bodies, she shared every ounce of her personal space for years. No guilt in taking time for you, I lived in track pants and t-shirts for ten years, I don’t regret an inkling of it! Never wore earrings, fussed with my hair, my house was tossed on the daily. I loved it! They grew and found their own interests, I missed it for awhile. One day I woke up and I found the girl that ran through the sprinklers, I had time to read, I could leave the house without thinking it would collapse without my guidance. I bought clothes…for me, I am on my priority list. If you haven’t found her ladies, look for her, she is in there, you may have to hold her hand for awhile. She is worthy!

Comparisons of time in the written word are beautiful, the analogies are forever scripted and moving. Time in the real world can slap you in the face. One minute you are eating breakfast with your kids and the next minute it’s breakfast with their kids. I see time with my own eyes and when you see it through another’s eyes it is just as surprising. I had a visitor the other day, my daughter and granddaughter were both present, we talked about all the current things going on in each others lives and the visit was quite charming with my own three generations present. After the visitor left, my daughter said, I used to babysit that kid, my granddaughter said, he is a teacher and there it was, BAM! When you child feels old, you feel ancient! It all comes rushing back like a breath of air, your daughter hosting her little brother’s birthday party because she was old enough to. The oldest being out of the house before the youngest graduates. It just zooms in and passes, just like that.

They say it all the time, how fast it passes the older you get. When you are a kid, it trickles. You wait for everything and it takes eons before it happens. It’s like driving somewhere new, seems to take half a day to get there and twenty minutes to get back home! Memories stay, most of them, even if they are buried, they surface even if just briefly. Wasting time, killing time these are the ones we are guilty of. They are not all bad, but when you do it, and realize it they make you feel unproductive, unless you have no time to lose.

We made a time capsule at a birthday party and promised to open it in ten years, it was funny to see the things the kids had included in this portable memory bank and each item was mulled over with attached memories. Even our house, when we do a renovation, we will write on the walls before covering them up and one day someone else will find the messages. My dad had me and my best friend do a letter each with our predictions for what we would be doing in ten years. We sealed them in envelopes with wax on the flap. We were teens, so opening them in our twenties was exciting. Some of the things were extreme, things about how the world might be. More interesting how we predicted ourselves to be. It said more about our development than our perception. We all have the same amount of time in a day, it is up to you how you use it.

I have so many extra sheets, towels, blankets kicking around I could fort the whole house! the Grands are coming over, maybe that will be the challenge if it rains! I was the only one in my blanket fort growing up, I could use a glass to hold up the sheet because it was never disturbed. My kids had bunk beds so the sheet draped from the top one to the bottom was pretty good, but they would still manage to do something destructive. Once the younger one and a friend lifted the top bunk with their legs almost mashing them as it came down on top of them. The next generation here that builds forts, I have to leave the room and they can barely let each other in some days! My kids used to set tents up in the house on rainy days, and that was the best boredom buster. March break, tents, scary movies were great for staycation!

Grown ups should have blanket forts, parents could go in and hang a sign that said no kids allowed. You could take a book and demand snacks all day. Sometimes mine would leave each other out of their adventures, especially if a friend was over. Best lessons in empathey were taught with this behaviour. I once took my youngest daughter and played army all afternoon, bellowing commands and crawling on the ground, running and peering around corners at my oldest and her friend. They begged to play with us, but I held them off awhile so they could see how it felt to be left out. Eventually they wandered into enemy territory and were taken captive so the youngest could be bossy for a bit, before allowing them to join in.

Once the blanket fort starts to fall apart, so do the people inside. Some want to start over, maybe it was never their plan to begin with and a little bit of sabatoge is part of a bigger picture. Some have vision and see more than what is there. My grand daughter got beads and fancy scarves to create a pathway to it, she had flashlights for amazing chandeliers in each compartment, because of course there were more than one room even if you had to belly crawl to get in. For a time, I think my grandson thought it was either a parachute, cape or something to jump into, stealing bits and pieces as he went, his flare. Life is like that too, each person has a vision and approach to everything and you really should consider, who would be in your blanket fort.

It seems you have to question everything on the internet, phone, email. All of it gets sketchier every day. It no longer is the, “if it seems to be too good to be true, it’s a scam” motto anymore. Missing people, hurt pets, causes, items for sale, it is too much to keep track of. It is pretty disgusting actually. Entering a contest, hard to know if you win or not. It interferes with that too. I question the long term ability to keep us safe in the digital world.

Authenticating accounts is now another step in accessing our own information. The amount of passwords and steps to retain is overwhelming. Surely there is another way without jumping through hoops on the daily. I empty my junk email daily, carefully scanning the 107 emails to be sure I don’t overlook any important items. It doesn’t stop there, you then go to deleted and empty that. My inbox has focused and other, and then there is work email. Just unsubscribe you say? I didn’t subscribe in the first place!

It is hard to keep up with all the digital world has to offer. Our preceding generation must hate it. It complicates so many tasks. If you want a real human, good luck, even customer service is auto generated. I don’t believe in a cashless society for this reason. The World Wide Web goes down, you are down too! Sure it has perks, Amazon had my back this Christmas too. I wish I knew more about computers and those that do have the upper hand. It evolves fast, that is for sure! Guess I better go unsubscribe from a hundred or so emails.

When my daughter was about two, we had a young guest over for supper. It was spaghetti, a couple of bites in our young guest dropped their fork and hollered, “I hate onions. “ My daughter also dropped her fork and examined our guest and her own plate to discover this monstrosity offending creature called onion. It took her a year to drop her disgust of onions, whatever they were.

Shortly after this experience, I banned the word hate in our home. Correcting constantly to say, “ I don’t like that.” With the addition of more children, I again had to implement the, “ we don’t say hate.” They got creative as they got older, they loathed, despised, couldn’t stand… something. If they say hate nowadays, I hope they have a good reason! Hate is a festering emotion, it seems so permanent and well hateful! That day with onions I saw how catchy it was. An opinion that can be quickly adopted by others.

You are welcome to opinions and can hate onions if you want. The bigger picture is the words we give our kids to articulate need to be kinder. Throwing around words on the daily in their presence is bound to be tossed around freely from their mouths. Kids do reach an age when they know if they are good words are not. Hate is not a bad word, I just think it has a specific place in this world.

When I was younger, watching, I think Lassie, she was caught by bad people. I was so upset I called the offenders a bad name, I knew the word was bad, but no clue what it was. My mother pounced from the other side of the room using both my first and middle name. I was mortified that it was upsetting her… dad said it, fixing cars?! All my kids are grown now and if there was a swear jar … probably would be full. I never heard them swear till they were grown… I wonder if they say hate?

You ever work so hard or travel so far and know the end is so close but you just don’t know if you can get it done? I have had a headache for three days, I have had two naps before bedtime that is more of a pass out at nine PM. Going through the motions but your function button, is more of a control, alt delete! Your pep talks are really aimed at yourself, and you need a whole cheer team!

The travel and the road are coming to an end and it’s bittersweet. I will miss the journey and I will collapse in complete exhaustion when it’s done. The days are not predictable, transitions abound. Internal meltdowns in my head daily. I am gonna sleep when it’s done.

The waves are cresting faster and faster! But I will sit on my surfboard and get to the shore. I have my life jacket and the rope tied to my foot. I can’t swim so I will stay on it and float. At the finish line I will stand up and ride across screaming! Inside my head of course. It is around the bend, I see it… here I go, wish me luck!

We spend a lot of time on the special days, graduation, birthdays, special milestones, what about you. You are worthy! You are enough!Making time for yourself, that is a struggle, but just celebrate yourself. Post positive affirmations everywhere, use an entire post it packet. Forget huge things, glamorous things, material things. Just you, making it through the day, surviving. Life can beat you down, it can wear you out. Hey if putting on pants to meet the day is an obstacle, it’s worth celebrating!

Far too many people put the goal line way out of reach. Every foot forward is good enough. You know yourself best, you know your trials and tribulations, the significance to others is irrelevant. Some days getting out of bed to face the same demons is a win. The only one in your race is you. The only competitions are the ones you create. Life is not a bowl of cherries, it is not a box of chocolates. It is hard, sometimes painful and can feel like a recurring nightmare. Put your pants on one leg at a time.

Being alive is enough, the kids used to complain when we had to park a mile away at the mall, I hate being stuck in traffic. Be grateful, two feet and a heart beat. It is more than some people get. Seeing another day arrive, watching the sun set on a dismal day… but you got that day, even a crap day. You are alive, you deserve to be here, own it!

Rising or setting, sun makes the world go around. What does it mean? What does it provide? It is the promise of a new day. It provides heat, happiness, and hope. It elevates your mood and your body temperature. For some it is too much, for me it will be enough. Sun comes up and it makes the day brighter, emotionally it shines inward and outward. Lots of people complain about how they feel throughout the winter or just too many rainy or cloudy days. It isn’t just seasonal depression it provides an essential vitamin D. Those that know what I am talking about, I feel you.

One of my kids endocrinologist for diabetes suggested taking vitamin D3. They said those that live in parts of the world with less sunlight actually had an increased risk of diabetes, so D3 is recommended to slow that process. So D3 and B100 was a part of my daily regime for 2 years, all the blood work collected during those two years for myself had me in tip top shape. Can’t fight with that!

Like many things, do we follow doctors recommendations to a T. No, we do not. My own doctor always encouraged natural things. When I wanted to lose weight she suggested following Canada’s food guide and increasing activity. I was not impressed, I wanted something easy… no such thing. We have to be proactive to reach our optimum health. Unfortunately genetics come into play and all of your history follows you. Right from the beginning. The years that you abused that temple you live in, does factor in.

Your sleep, eating, habits all matter. You are accountable to yourself. We are not perfect( gasp) . There is no magic, no easy fix. Absorb your sunshine, surround yourself with happiness. Accept that we can’t erase the damage we have done. Work through things that are hurting you. Look after you, ask for help and take the help. You are a package all the inner workings work together. Forgive what you done wrong, look forward!

I always plant late. Frost here is right up until the first day of summer, I have planted earlier and lost. I prepped flower beds a while ago, but I just had to do it again now that I officially know what is actually a plant. I pruned my roses, and I see a bud on one already. I never have enough soil, so I will need to get more, I already bought four. The things that come back every year, are back. I would love to say what they are, but I never remember which is which, annual, perennial? Seems to me annual makes sense since they come back yearly, but then I second guess that because it could mean because I have to replant every year.

I have only a few veggies this year, stuff I love, tomatoes, peppers , lettuce. I need a zucchini, they are so easy to grow and I love making muffins from them! I never yield enough stuff to get really excited, but between flowers and veggies, that is plenty. I only have so much time and energy. Something exciting about sticking your hands in the dirt and creating something useful or beautiful.

I admire people that have the beautiful landscaping and perfect grass, flowers that are in bloom all year. A garden full of all the things that supply daily food. With the price of groceries, it is almost needed! That and a cow and some chickens! I always change my approach every year, so we will see. It’s a comforting pastime. I don’t like to grow things that are under the ground, mostly because of a huge spider experience when I was a kid. I am not afraid of spiders, but the markings on this sucker, had me convinced it was poisoned and sent to this earth to kill me!

I love summer, I love nature, can’t wait!

It’s grainy, it’s old, so am I, it is what I have and what I need! It will be fourteen years this July and I keep that part of me in a pocket that I only take out sometimes. I don’t wear it everyday, grief doesn’t go away it changes. Grief for one can be triggered by the grief for another and that happens and that is okay. Some moments are louder than others and it good to listen to them sometimes. Losing a parent is expected to happen, but the experience still hits you hard. Missing them is harder the more time that passes. You would think that it would be opposite, for me it is not. In the beginning I didn’t really accept it and I went to the graveyard often, clean it up, decorate it, sat to have convos, and look for answers. The answers are not there, but maybe in the quiet it made it easier to hear the answers already available. Now when I go, I just cry.

I always just spoke for myself and my situations, but I did not speak to him about it. The fact that he is gone, and his voice is silenced forever, his arms are absent. What would I say? Father’s day is here again…

Dear Dad;

First of all I want to say thank you, for lessons learned, love and protection given like all little princesses expect from their dads. We had times like every child does with their parent, and you taught me forgiveness as well as forgiving freely. You taught me about car maintenance, taxes, how to make a stupid three, the right way! How to ride a bike, how to skate , unfortunately the driving lesson for a standard ended on the side of the road and I walked home! Sometimes I was nasty and you were a jerk, and it took me awhile to realize that is human. We weren’t so uncommon, and as a grown ass woman I am thankful to know that.

I also want to apologize for messing up, but it bothers me more than it ever even affected you. Your words, “I am proud of you,” I was able to hear. You were always involved enough, took us awhile to figure out what that looked like, but I loved the drop ins to have a cup of tea and a quick check in. You did that, physically, emotionally all the time, I didn’t know that until you were gone.

Lastly, there was love, so much! You loved to tease and let’s face it, we all loved that! I still remember when Tyler was a toddler and you walked into the kitchen, he burst out of the closet with a super soaker, bigger than him, soaking you and the entire kitchen! Yup, I see you in him. You are missed, and it hurts to know you are missing it, stolen too soon.

People are only visitors on this earth. Enjoy them, every minute. You just never know. It grows and changes, evolves from year to year. Be sure you are living your best life every day, don’t waste the minutes. Don’t let night fall on your anger. Forgive quickly, and love always love.