I am who I am, not the most flexible, I bend but my internal dialogue drones on and on. My husband used to quote a saying, “stay where you’re at, I’ll come where you’re to. “ This also counts for someone’s mindset not just their location. The mind bends but not while someone is stuck in a certain mindset. When they are stuck dealing we can adjust ourselves to meet them where they are so we can help them recover. This is the quickest way to help.

It’s like when someone throws up, you can’t stop it, you just hold their hair. When someone gives birth, you have no control over that. You hold a hand, rub a back, breathe with someone in hopes they will focus and get through it. My generation was told to control our human reactions, to present ourselves in a certain way, emotions were made to feel like a weakness. I know feelings are big, I still believe that reactions can be adjusted. Not everything warrants a full melt down. So being taught what is and isn’t a big deal is also important. It is not a teachable moment during the moment, but definitely after.

Emotions is a hard one for everyone, it’s okay to say we are going to revisit this later, to yourself, or a confrontation with your spouse or explosive behaviour of your child. You can say, this is not okay, but we will talk about it later. I find when people close to me are having feelings, I can not think, I can not react, I kind of shut down. Like slow mo, and I like to walk away and figure out how I feel, not my auto reaction, but my authentic feelings. Some times I choose opposite just because, so taking a moment gives perspective. Distance is always a good idea, “I’m gonna give you minute!” “I’m gonna take a minute!” Compromise! Harmony! Find your common denominator!

One thing I have noticed since the Covid bubbles have past us, is the amount of things you now allow. Perhaps it is to make up for lost time. Don’t get lost in this, try to remember who you were! We are not the same and even those that say they were not impacted were, you can see the changes, however minimal. Self reliance and problem solving independently has made a comeback. Some families have really solidified the family unit, bridging the generational gaps and and a real sense of closeness. It created an environment to magnify all, if any issues, and being together all that time you either had to sink or swim.

Those that were alone struggled with the loneliness that took over during that time. Some got creative, some just suffered. The suffering made people realize what they were not willing to go without. Everyone realized what they missed the most, and what accommodations they needed to set up to cope. Even in the workplace the workload changed and the face of illness and recovery also changed. Dependence on our devices also increased, shopping from home, face time, cooking from scratch. There were those that had less, had even less than that, support networks dissolved.

Now the world has resumed spinning and for some nothing changed at all. I can feel the blurred lines that separate state from home. Home is more of a hub or command center. It is time to make the changes, especially if you were working from your home space to reclaim it as a haven! Welcoming without the taste of all business! Sounds simple to leave work at work, but I know plenty that are not. This time of year is perfect for reimplementing the weekly family gatherings, date nights, game nights at home with friends, barbeques and local events! Spread your wings butterflies, it is time!

A student told me yesterday they have been on this earth since 2013! I told them I have been here since the 1900’s, he was blown away. I find that hilarious, both the fact that I can say it and that the kids in the class act astounded! When you have to add your birth year to something on the internet and have to roll the year thing back forever. I told my husband that night I had been around longer than the CN tower, he questioned it and he is older than me! I went with my parents and watched the helicopter put the top on it when I was a kid… might be a picture of that here somewhere.

Age no longer matters to me like it did. Seems you spend your young life wishing to be old enough. When you are old enough, you get freaked out by milestone birthdays, and then you just settle into the ride. You only think about it when you are not able to stay awake, much like this evening, I had a three hour nap, out cold, three hours, didn’t need ear plugs, sleep noises or even full darkness like my overnight sleep, just flop and full Z mode. It has been a full week and it is only Wednesday, this nap was after two full coffee and non drowsy allergy pills. Not to fear, I will be up till midnight or awake at 3 am to mess it all up, right now, I could run a marathon!

If I were to use Momma as a marker for next leg of my journey, naps are good. Staying up and sleeping in, obviously because of the naps. She is retired, she gets to do that, as a matter of fact, she gets to do whatever she wants. I do what I want, is a favourite saying of mine actually. I adopted it after my favourite birthday, because one day you get it, that you are grown, and you don’t need any permission to do whatever you want. It is the best “YOU” moment you will ever have. Every journey is different and I will enjoy the journey if I am blessed enough to have one. Enjoy your mile markers friends, every kilometre you put on your body, fill it with whatever it is you want!

Spouse! Really we are so immature, in a grown up way. I know I am annoying, he loves me anyway. One minute I am responsible, organized, smart, honest, loyal… humble. It’s more important that when I can’t, he can. I can be rational and get through the surprises life leaves in your lap, while he is all reactionary. Then when I lose it later, he has kicked into action and picks up my pieces!

The things that make us an unlikely couple actually are the things that stick us together. We were friends forever before we ever were a couple. When we considered each other as a couple, it was us always. We did raise each other. I remember going out to dinner, fancy, being seated and feeling like it was a game of house. We had a year together before marriage and another after, just the 2 of us before adding in kids. We grew a lot pre children and then again afterwards. We are still growing, it doesn’t stop. I don’t think it should.

Relationships are ever changing, just as a person does. Wants change, lifestyle changes, tolerance changes. There has to be value in listening to your persons words, really hearing. Better yet, telling is just as important. Nobody learns anything from silence. Sometimes switching up your responsibilities is a huge game changer, for better. Health, finances are building blocks that you need to step into and off again. There is a balance, you just need to find it.

Never wait! I unconsciously do it all the time, I either put things off or postpone to do things. Not even big things, I will text after, I will give a quick call, set up a visit, arrange a get together. I am not talking about procrastination, just regular maintaining relationships. Someone can be on my mind all day at work and then when I get home they drop off my radar and pop in again when I’m driving or getting supper on the table and my favorite, 3 AM. These are my nearest and dearests, I truly just go blank on it. Maybe I truly am getting forgetful, priority people should not just float away from your inner prompt!

It is kind of embarrassing when you go to message someone and the last time you spoke was New Years or their last birthday! I am trying to be more of a now person, like right now. Or when you open a message and see that you haven’t even responded to something, you saw it, maybe even wrote a response, but haven’t even sent it back. Sounds awful but I am sure I am not the only one. It is kind of the curse of the internet. You are on all the time, but not available, making it seem like it was intended as some kind of neglect. For me, not at all.. it just gets lost or I do!

I guess that is why I check in on so many people in the summer. Some people have their messages delete after 30 days, mine delete, when I delete them. Good thing, because I always find the unfinished conversations, attempted plans, started adventures that need a follow up. If you are waiting on me, it does happen, eventually!

I got a Lego set for Christmas when I was nine. After I took it to my room and started to build a home, I realized quickly I knew shit about using the blocks. I had no concept of overlapping them to construct a building. My mother had to show me, a visual learner had to watch the process in order to create. It was the same year I built a fort. I placed pieces of wood side by side and again could not figure out how to make it stand or expand. To be fair, it was wood hauled out of the garbage, old cupboard doors and strapping. No one showed us, it was trial and error. Luckily the three seasons it survived it did not collapse in on us. We were children and it was lessons you learn along the way.

Why is it the creators of projects in communities seem to feel their way much like the nine year old girls we were? It seems every year the construction crews are out, redoing or reconfiguring projects that were completed. Is there no future thought put into these designs? You design a highway with no foresight to figure that you might need more than one lane, more off ramps, a culvert, a snow fence on straight stretches? What about pavement, can we not invent something that does not get slick in the winter, or tear up with plows in our horrible winters? When they are torn up, why does it take forever to fix them? Especially in rural areas? Do they matter less than our city dwellers? There is a washout on the side of a cliff that has never been touched except for cones since it happened! I remember a project in high school entitled; How to Pass a Bill. It listed all the steps to get something passed in Parliament, the process is elaborate! Getting the road fixed must be a similar process, because it sure takes forever!

I’m a dreamer and I am visual, so when something is designed it is pretty clear that some of these projects are designed with good intentions but no regard for the future. They did some beautification project in a town, planting trees. Trees grow and yet they planted them on the side of the road with the hydro lines! Trial and error I guess, or maybe they are thinking of the future, they will be needed in ten to twenty years to redo the work! I don’t know maybe plans are suppose to be for the immediate need and you are not suppose to consider the future? Kind of like childhood, remember the kids on their bikes, riding their hearts out, hands in the sky, before helmets were invented! “Look mom, no brains!” Really, I know nothing, I need a really elaborate pictures drawn to picture anything, I wouldn’t be able to do a job like that! Lately, tired is a noun, and I can barely plan out a meal!

My soul is ready for summer, I have a sleep deficit going on right now! I was up at 3, I was not tired, I still am not tired. I will be, in about 2 hours and that will mess up my evening. I have too many things in my brain, no sense tossing, I got up and went for a walk. Not outside! It was 3 am and it was dark and there was frost! I went on goggle and looked up my childhood address and walked to my first elementary school. I went the regular way and the back way. It was fifty years ago and I waked it on autopilot, I didn’t have to look anything up. The manhole where I muddied my rubber boots is still there, the park with the pony rides, the fire station, even the low cement walls I balanced on instead of the sidewalk. I wish google would let me go to the ravine our school backed on to. The hill we slid down every winter and there was at least 2 recesses you would be guaranteed to see blood where someone fell on the ice. I wish I could go in the building into the Kindergarten class with the big cardboard blocks we built real forts with and had circle time with juice and cookies. I wish I could see my best friend Cornelia and feel that free and easy friendship children have.

I keyed in my next address, my favourite house! It wasn’t there, I was devastated! Mr. and Mrs. Wilson’s house next door was still there but our house has been replaced by a huge monstrosity made of brick, it probably takes from the huge back yard because it is so large. When my daughter went to University in Toronto, I had her take me and Momma to our old neighborhoods because I haven’t been there since I had moved away. It was there then, and I did get a picture, at least I have that. I felt robbed though, not able to see it again. My street has sidewalks, they sure didn’t when I lived there, I still have gravel in my knee from wiping out learning to ride a bike. My school was gone when my daughter took us, now there is a new school I guess. The park is still there and the train tracks, it wasn’t the same though and I felt the loss of childhood. It was my favourite, the place, the school, the person I was then.

I have lived here longer than anywhere else, and yet I still call Ontario back home. Almost all of my mom and dad’s relatives are here, even when I go stateside and they ask where I am from, I have to stop myself from saying Ontario. It’s funny here in NB I didn’t expect to stay in one spot all this time. When the kids were growing up I know I didn’t want them shuffled around, but even now, wouldn’t hurt to have some changes. Hubby is a creature of habit, so you’ll know where to find me. Cleaning, most likely, as it is a lot of house! There is always yard work, pool work and sometimes seething because of the things I can’t do myself. I can get real impatient waiting for projects that I can only stare at! Another good thing about this weather, I can hop in the car or like this early AM, I can always go for a walk…

Loneliness can happen in a crowd, during a full blown gathering! People can be totally invisible in a group, some have perfected being invisible. I am totally comfortable either way. Sometimes I feel it is necessary to approach the invisible people. Let them know that they are valued, even if they don’t want to be seen or heard. A back ground is a good place to be, you can watch the process and determine the shortcomings or holes developing in a project. It does not mean less, it can mean smart! When things become stuck, it is the observers that can offer solutions without removing the limelight from attention seekers.

Know your place, when developing a plan for a group, the leaders tend to rise to the surface. This could be their natural state. It can be different from project to project, sometimes you just know this was made for you! You fall naturally into place. I don’t like picking parts, I like them evolving and choosing you. It feels more natural to just fit where a natural deficit lies. Leaders also notice when all the parts are not functioning. The position then is to help that part of the machine work. Not point out the flaws, not shame them, but to assist and guide, true leaders help not hinder.

Society should function like this too. People in power, would serve better to talk less and listen more. To fill in the deficits, instinctively knowing the best approach. Sometimes willing to be just an observer. Offering parts as they naturally surface. You don’t point out failure, you nurture all people involved. The only thing left is the accountability, admitting mistakes and honestly correcting them! Risk and achievement go hand in hand, there will always be the possibility of failure! Some people can just automatically step in and out seamlessly no effort required! It is the passion behind it that fuels the behaviour and creates an efficient system.

If you are not in first place you are last! Again this is perception, it all depends who you ask. When our oldest first attended school, my husband took her to school one morning, he was chuckling when he got home. I was intrigued on what the joke was. He told the story of these three little boys sprinting across the schoolyard to race to the wall. The first boy arrived, calling out that he was first, followed by the next one declaring second, the last one rolled up and exclaimed third!! There is no last place and that is how it should be! People can become very smitten about placement. I think it is something that is instilled, those particular children were quite young. Older kids become irate at the possibility of losing. I am always telling them, it is not for the gold or a million dollars and it will not matter in a week!

Would should we be teaching our kids to strive for? Perfection isn’t it, and more important how do we show it in our own lives? Screaming at sports teams? Searching the mirror for flaws? Going to the salon for changes we whisper about that mask our insecurities, that give us that youthful edge? Reading labels and ruling out foods that add the layers?? Promoting health is different than glorifying perfection, or is it? What truly is important? You can try and fight all of it, but it will find you, it has more to do with genes. What do you think you are avoiding? Loneliness? Divorce? Exclusion? Self worth? People that gravitate to just the perfect are shallow, they are not true friends! Friends lift you, they carry you over hurdles!

Do you think you are avoiding death? A life is not complete without death, a very smart someone told me that. How about strive for happiness. Try for acceptance not only for yourself but others, no judgements. Put blinders on and just look for someone’s heart, what do they actually bring to the table? How do they make you feel? Happiness, kindness these are the things that are staples. These are the things people will remember. Do you think at 85 you are gonna sit and chat about the days when you spent a decade chasing elusive chin hairs, and trying to starve yourself into a size four?? No, it will be about the times you laughed, it will be about the firsts and the lasts, it will be about the people that always made you feel good or loved. Money, looks is just a nope! A good long life that is what leaves the world in a better state! I’ll take third!

My kiddos weren’t restricted by certain gender expectations, I myself was the biggest tomboy to ever live! I lived in trees, sporting a bright orange ballcap and an oversized 7up t-shirt that never came off for an entire summer. I developed a muscle in my forearm from the amount of arm wrestling I participated in and won! My right arm still has the weird muscle protruding below my wrist. I punched more people in the stomach than I can recall. I could run like the wind and was never selected last for teams, I was like a secret weapon! Anything boys could do, I could do better. My kids played with dolls and guns, we were all ninja turtles and my daughter was the Digimon Tai wearing googles on her head for a whole summer!

My kids got more, dirt bikes, go carts, ice rinks, tree forts. I encouraged reading, music, art, acting, they joined whatever they wanted. They were kids for as long as they wanted, I didn’t rush them. The choices made in their lives were theirs, I was just a guide, sometimes hoping they would choose different. We took them on day trips to discover old places, natural history, nature itself, and the love for it all I can still see. I just wanted to instill love for life, to achieve happiness and self acceptance. The rules and the roles don’t matter if happiness is the goal. If that is where you arrive, it doesn’t matter how you get there.

Having kids is humbling, they can reveal your shortcomings real fast. They also bring out something some of us don’t even know is there, passion, fierceness, reality. It is so easy to say and judge and preach, having kids can shut you up real quick. Expectations and the true picture is beyond your comprehension. I am not talking about the ugly, I am talking about the place your heart goes, it is beyond you, it is bigger than you, it is so much more than you could ever know! I would never trade in my motherhood role, not in a million years, mistakes get made but it is an undying, unconditional love that stands against the tests of time!