Moments happen and I recall it as a dream, that already happened. Then there are moments that happen and you recall the same moment but a different generation. So much of that lately! I was taking a picture of the grands with their cousins and recall my kids and their cousins. You visit family and are transported back 20 years. Nine cousins and their children, someone is always resembling someone. Even if we are not all together, likeness is uncanny, makes you feel young, until reality snaps in and realize this is two generations forward!

We have been visiting various antique shops, where again you are transported back. Things you have forgotten, taking you to your Grammies kitchen, your childhood home, earlier times of gatherings. Knowing full well that is why you can’t discard some of those things in your home. I recently read an article about the next generation being stuck with all of our items. The minimalist generation does not want your stuff. I get it, it is hard taking a family home and adding it to your child’s family home, often still filled with children. I have been weeding the inside of my home for two years. It can be brutal, and I have the hard bins set aside. I do have that mantra voice saying.., ”lt’s only important to you”.

So many knick knacks and do dads, put them in a pile, sit with Momma and decide the degree of emotional attachment. Emotional attachment is real for some people. You watch the hoarders show and think why? Lose a parent, spouse, sibling or anyone for that matter and it puts it in perspective. I am not saying it’s right or wrong. I just know this pile starts with me and I have to whittle it down now. If it’s just going to go from your closet to someone else’s closet, how important is it?

I try to put my memory in moments, not things. Surely when the geese fly, when the worms come out of the ground, walks on the beach, meteor showers, my kids will think of me. Cook the butterscotch, marshmallow squares and remember me, not the pan I used. Memories are in your head, use the deja vu to go there!

It is hard to break the patterns, early rising, running, planning, daily driven schedules. Take your time, Momma messaged me to remind me to relax! Need to work on that. I will find that path soon enough, probably in time to go back to work. Get rid of the tired feeling and go from there.

I saw a wild rose on my way into a store, then purposely turned around, went back and had a deep sniff. I saw a family out of the corner of my eye watching me, I waved. Pretty sure they thought I was a lunatic. I would like to think after I left they gave it a try. Every small pleasure is worth every second. Walks in the morning, walks in the evening, holding hands with my man, my grands, all of it.

It’s important, to slow down time sometimes. If it’s not pressing, don’t do it. Doing nothing is needed just as much. Figure out how to love yourself more today. This can help achieve happiness in your life. For many of us, putting ourselves first is unnatural. The other goal is to find peace. Doing nothing, going slow, any or all of it is not going to do anything if you are still feeling flustered. I am going to linger at roses, I am going to take walks, hold hands, have conversations. I am going to visit little shops, tour off the track, may do some big things too. Be at peace and love!

If you brought all the things in the back of your mind, to the front, what would you do? All the fleeting thoughts, the ideas, your passions, which would you choose? What are your obstacles, are you the obstacle? Are the roadblocks and slamming doors, ones that you have created? We really do get in our own way. It is easy to say I can’t a thousand times, reasons why you can’t are easy.

Most of the time, it is about the effort. Things we really want, we do. An automatic yes and then figure it out. The stress and sweat to figure it out, is secondary. The things we really want to do, that involve more than yourself, that can impact others or alters you life’s path, you use them as your obstacles. They absolutely are your obstacles, you might make others unhappy, it may require numerous conversations, negotiations and communication. You make the scenarios in your head overlooking the chance that the outcome could be in your favour. It requires effort, it causes emotional discomfort, then you give up before you even try.

Vision boards are a popular tool. For some seeing what the end of that tunnel looks like, eye on the prize and weeding out the negative is useful. I think it helps with the conversation starters for those around you. It wasn’t just a fleeting thought, it is something that plays on your mind often. When I dig something out of the back of my mind, before I breath air into it, I like to make up my mind. My mind, the if I could mind, remove everything, dust of the thought and decide for me, if I could, would I? Take a selfish second, would I?

It’s okay to fail, but it is more important to try. Say it out loud. Maybe you can’t, but if you could..

It is overwhelming to calm your mind, once it gets fired up. All the synapses are synapsing, the clicks are clicking. Information overload! Delete! Rewind! Escape! You know what I mean? The days come, they go and all things happen at once. My old processor, likes to inhale information slowly. Roll it around for a bit, look at it from all the angles. My Grandson used to say, ” Wha sit pell like?” and then sniff everything. I could start with that.

Then after you have some time, you can form an action or reaction. Share if you want to, saying things out loud, sometimes makes them too real. I have trouble with that one. If you don’t have time to deal with something, and have to share it, I find that just makes it harder.

Such as life I guess, would be nice to just say, ” I got some stuff and I am not emotionally available for anything else right now. ” Days to deal, would be nice. I guess it is all part of the drive thru life that now happens. Fast and furious day to day. So tuck all your pieces under your arm and carry on. Don’t drop anything, no time for that.

Hurdles are adjustable too and they are usually spaced a good distance apart. Relay races are better, pass the baton and take a breather. Better than slap-shots to the face I suppose. Early bedtime helps, right after I cover my plants!

We have mowed the grass in no mow May. Once in the front, and twice in the back. It would be hip high if we didn’t, I know from last year. I can’t have hip high grass in the back, with a dog. I would never find the crap! Believe me the bees are everywhere! I also got plants, even though I said I wouldn’t until June, and I will probably plant seeds as well.

With all the lame things on my list currently and a long weekend, who doesn’t want to be outside with your hands in the dirt, sun in your face and black flies chewing on your skin. Grass stains and dirty fingernails, says summer. I also know we are not usually done with frost until the third week June. Speaking of June, the lovely June bugs have arrived.

I’d rather mow, than snow-blow. I’d rather sunburn than freeze, and be barefoot instead of a parka. I had my coffee on the deck this morning, while a lone crow warned me it was gonna be a hot one today. A hummingbird came over to see if my pink pyjama top was a flower, which is why I ran out immediately to get some. They say lazy days of summer, not for me, my days are full.

That being said, there are beds to weed, seeds to plant, chair cushions to dig out, fresh air to breathe. If anything, do that, enjoy the day!

Stop looking for huge wins, it is a true rarity. Simple is always better, little pieces of happiness in the vast world we live in. You will not win every fight, and nothing in life is tidy. Life is messy, always! You can keep the bar high, but that can be overwhelming, lower it a little now and then. Don’t forget it is adjustable.

Maybe it isn’t your day, month, or sadly it may not be your year. There will be other days, months, years. Plenty of them in fact. A loss doesn’t have to be a total loss, adjust the bar and carry on. You can only do, what you can do. That is what you need to be comfortable with.

There will still be rainbows after storms. Sometimes you wait a little longer. The powers that be could give you a resounding no, just try again another time. Becoming fixated on it, will not change it. In the meantime, find something else. Walk away for awhile, whatever the matter is, it will wait.

I am horrible at completing things in one sitting. I like to putter around with something, a small bite, then go to something else and rotate through several tasks. They all get done and it it spreads out the reward. I helps me avoid feeling overwhelmed. It may seem unproductive, but it works for me.

Look around, find your peace and solace. Give the negative emotions away. Push them from your mind. You can’t run from problems, but you can put them on the back burner for a bit, on low. Change your mind and enjoy the day.

Childhood days were so simple. Everyday was an adventure, if not physically, you could do the rest in your mind. Elaborate games, changing rules, changing roles. You could be whatever you wanted, do overs were easy. You could dream big, with nothing to take those ideals and ruin them for you. Until a certain age, life is carefree. Most people can’t remember the moment that stole that child wonder away.

When I had kids, it was Mom life all the time. Making rules, doing mom things. When they were small, tired all the time. Not all work, we played a lot! They were first, I was second, my choice, and I wouldn’t change that. When they were tweens, it was run full tilt, friends, sports, especially when you have more than one. Teens, are exhausting, you worry constantly, sometimes feeling like a Sergeant to keep all the ducks in a row! Somewhere during that time frame, I could be mom the human. I could ditch the mom role. I could let my guard down that got them to this grown state. I could be silly and not the Warden. That stage where they transition from your kids to your friends. It is this part that it all becomes fun. You have grown together, and you slowly revert back to the person you were pre parenthood.

Don’t get me wrong, parenting is forever. Don’t be scared, they are your humans. It is a joy to hear their opinions, to see what they value. How they navigate this not so perfect world. The worry doesn’t go away. These moments when I see the parallel between me and mine in relation to me and my mom. It always surprises me. I can hear the worry in my own Momma’s voice. I hate thinking that I have caused her to worry. Sorry Momma, don’t worry! Glad we are friends! You and I will have a playdate soon!

I am an empath. I inhale everyones feelings, I feel deeply and I am not sorry for that. I know too much about, suffering, drama, hurt, grief, injury and pain. I help, that is what I do. Many people are like me, the key is not to let it make you ugly on the inside. Don’t keep out the ones that love you. Don’t forget about yourself, while reaching for others.

A good friend of mine told me that they listen to this song, and they played it for me. It was quite sad, but they said it was beautiful. They told me that they used to listen to it and become consumed in the sadness. Now they listen to it to remind them that they can enjoy the beauty of it and not be pulled into the sadness of it. I love that! I love that this person could find the beauty in the music from a song that drove them deeper into sadness at one time. A reminder, something that says, they are okay.

Sadness is hard to escape. It can make a person so miserable, it is almost contagious. Happiness is also contagious. Both emotions are deep rooted and hard to switch out of. My dad used to say to me, ”Are you happy? Tell your face!” I am always deep in thought. Daydreaming, my feelings on my face like my Lab. My son always says ”Smile” and then smiles, and that is contagious.

I am the person that is an optimist, silver linings and glass half full. I have hope, I want the best of things to happen and hang on to that. Nothing in life is perfect or fair and that is okay. Don’t let it make you ugly on the inside.

Have you ever made Sun-dried tomatoes? It is a very low setting in the oven. The tomatoes soak up all the flavours for hours. The last batch I did over night, twelve hours. They were infused with all the spices I had added, they looked fantastic and tasted even better! Perhaps that is what winter is for me. Testing the flavour every once and a while, not committed to a certain time. When you think it’s time, but give it a little longer, the result is divine. The pattern or time frame is never quite the same.

I bought myself a new planner the first weekend in May, my last planner ended in 2021. I had to compile all my scraps of paper to get this one in motion. First steps are always important. I still ran the show, but there was no extra. This month there has been extra, my mental checklists were put on paper and I have slept in for once. I baked, cleaned, started a project, shopped, visited, joined conversations, purged, and planned.

I haven’t really been present, except work, that is always in the forefront of my brain. Writing it down works so much better for me. I am on track again and am trying to make sure I make myself a priority as well. Freeing up space in your mind is liberating! The pull of the little checklists, give me motivation I have been lacking. Playing music is always a self start I need, helps drone out all the other noise. Feet still haven’t hit the ground yet, really running hard to stay on top of all the stuff.

Summer is coming and that is huge for me! Nothing better than, no shoes, heat, water views. Most important time, lots of time, burdens feel lighter. Sunshine lights up your mind, your heart, and brings happiness for no reason. Feel the freedom! I just crave time and freedom!! All the corners will have no shadows, just warmth. Can’t wait for all of that! Bring on the happy season!

When I was eight, we left our apartment building to move into this adorable four bedroom house. We lived there for four years. Some of the best times were there. The backyard was huge and I built a fort from scratch, that my folks allowed as an eyesore for two years. I spent summers in those two maple trees, in an extra large 7up t-shirt and baseball cap. I also spent summer vacations trying to capture a grey squirrel! The trap only closed on it twice, but it got out both times. Two of my closest friends lived on my street and a set of triplet boys. The girls and I played Charlie’s Angels. The boys and I got into trouble playing in the train yard at the end of our street, and we once ate a whole box of chocolate covered almonds I was suppose to sell for a school fundraiser. I did go door to door at first, but a doberman chased me! First time I jumped a fence, I guess it was stress eating.

I had an amazing grade six teacher that taught us the Hair song from the Beatles that we performed. I learned to ride a two wheel bike, bright green, flower seat, still have a scar and probably still the gravel in my knee from my first crash. I found a cat on Halloween that was orange and black, right after my Momma received a call that her Grandpa passed away. I raked leaves to make money to buy it food, and mysteriously there was a can of tuna at the end of my driveway! We tape recorded plays we made up. The trains that went by and the planes overhead were perfect sound effects for our elaborate tapes. I wonder if any of those tapes are around?

Then there was talk of a move to Scarborough. Nice townhouse, new community. My parents were all in, I was not! Apparently there was an application process, sorry Momma, not sure if I told you this. They were very excited, they filled out the first application, I stole it, threw it out at school. The second application, I ripped up and set fire to it in the charcoal Hibachi, with the help of one of the triplets. My parent’s had a fight about the misplacement of the document. The third one, I hid under a placemat in the living room. They found it when we packed, the fourth one they were on to me, and did it in secret.

We have lived in our house for 31 years this summer, looked at a few places over the years, but the haunting of that move has always kept us here. That move was life changing. Turning 13, going into eighth grade? Well that’s another story!