My cat is a feral princess! She tap dances around my body at night to tuck me in, then settles just to the side to give me the room I need. She walks us to the door and hides behind our coats to pop out for a snuggle good bye. She is a total attention hog. I always talk to my pets and she is very vocal. She is the voice we hear in the morning calling hello as she steers us to her food dish. A dish she never empties, but insists on it being filled. Our pets share a huge water dish that holds a canister that fills continuously. Soon as it empties, the dog pushes it across the floor to remind us to fill it. As soon as new water goes in, the cat practically sticks her head into the water to get the water dripping out, she gets wet from whiskers to chin.

She runs with the dog, spending evenings running in and out of rooms trying to sneak up on her. They nose each other in greetings, and in the next moment, she grabs the dog with one paw and smacks her with the other. We only had her two months before Christmas last year, she touched the tree once, I used a spray bottle and she never touched it again. This year, she didn’t even try. She knocks things off counters and shelves, she loves my plants and apparently blueberry muffins! If I reprimand her, the dog runs over and monitors her behaviour to be sure she doesn’t continue being a brat.

After our previous darling cat passed away, we couldn’t see getting another. This one, stepped into all of our hearts, with all four paws right away. Hook, line and sinker! Even hubby is mush around this little ball of fluff. She has started caterwauling at the door if she isn’t allowed in with us, most recently she added throwing herself at the door. She wasn’t a replacement pet, she was a selected addition to the family. I am Sola, I am Queen!

Reach out your hand, I’ll grab it. Lean into me, I’ll give you a hug. Point, I’ll look. Communication goes beyond words, it is multifaceted. It is seeing, it is feeling, it is listening. When we don’t have words, we have a face and body language. A parent can read so many unspoken cues. It’s fine tuning, it evolves. We can absolutely ignore what we see, our responses are our own. Animals speak without words, we know the language of our pets too. When you fail to read cues, or cues are not received in the manner they were meant, it causes a miscommunication.

Saying exactly what you mean, representing exactly what you need is extremely hard for some people. If you have learned that giving a hint and someone else fills in the blanks, that isn’t effective either. If your ask is met with negative or emotional responses constantly, you learn not to ask. If you feel guilty asking and then have any kind of delay in answer, you may just tell yourself no. Communication like anything is learned. The people that raise you, the people you live with, co workers, friends all have a different way of communicating and it can be a struggle to read the conversation.

Unlearn, relearn, trying different kinds of communication is a key building block for all of us. If advocating for someone else is a strength, but not yourself, think of yourself as a third person. What is it you need to say? What conversation has you picking lint off of your sweater? If it was your Grammie or young teen that was trying to have a hard conversation, and you were speaking for them, what would you say? Rise above the barriers and speak, nobody reads your mind.

Adulting is hard, and I have created the monster that is me. I am pushing and shoving myself to get things done. I am also letting go of what I can’t do. I have run so much, my gas tank is empty. I have three appointments next week right after work. Who are these people, that allow me to do this.. oh ya, it’s me! In my Facebook memories I was reminded that my washing machine died this week twelve years ago. This one just got fixed after a week and a half out of commission, guess what I’ve been doing? I have been drawing from a bottomless well of perseverance.

I just realized the moon is full! It all makes sense now! I received a message that two of my Christmas orders will not be arriving before Christmas… I have resolved, that what I have, is what I have. Dusting stress off my shoulders. I do not control the universe. Words that I must say out loud, daily. I’ll add those words to the list. I say them and do them, but also fall away from them. A visual reminder never hurts. I think I just made a personal goal, I might even call it a resolution!

For now I will take every happy small thing and blow it up big in my mind.

My son makes me a coffee every morning.

My granddaughter calls and texts me now, she answers after six hours, but hey, it works for me.

My momma has ready to cook cookies for me! Bless you Mother!

Hubby got his passport before it expired!

My washing machine works!

Twelve days till Christmas! Rest up friends!

I am still not used to the sun setting at 4:30. It’s like running out of time. This week was a doozy! My stomach hated me Tuesday and my head hated Thursday! My system is so sensitive lately, I had one coffee yesterday and could not stay awake past nine. Which means, I was wide awake at 5:30. If I have my regular 2 today, I will be awake until 10:30 and wake up for a few hours after midnight. Then I have to drag myself up for my work day. Today I am going to try to hold off as long as I can before having a coffee this am, and try to have just one.

Mind you my mind races this time of year. My washing machine is broken and a bathroom tap needed to be fixed. Groceries on a Saturday morning before Christmas was not a chore I wanted. The afternoon errands stole the rest of my Saturday and it is Sunday already. The have to’s took over the want to’s and I am a little bitter about it. See if I can incorporate some fun into what I have left of the weekend, or maybe I should go to the laundry mat. Never mind, I guess it’s going to snow during the productive part of the day.

I do have things to get done here, or maybe do nothing. That is how it happens, opt for do nothing, start the week thinking about things that need to get done. Coffee to get the energy to do the things, or midnight wake up to plan the things that didn’t get done. Early morning wake up, plan some fun things, then weather ruins everything and if it is significant enough, a headache to match the change of pressure. Round and round, I will try to get off this merry go round, first coffee!

I am trying to get Christmas in every corner! Christmas keeps the cold outside, warming from the inside, maybe the decorations should stay up till April! Of course I ordered online to top up decorations and now there is a strike…The living room has been done now for a couple of weeks, earliest I have ever done it! The presents are less, but the Christmas presence is abundant. I am pretty sure it rained for forty days and nights, so it was needed. It certainly tested my glass half full, I kept saying, “At least it isn’t cold, at least it isn’t snow.” By the end of it, I was definitely annoyed. Winter will be here in twenty one days, and Christmas four days later!

I am still not used to this grown kid thing at Christmas. Nothing better than littles being tucked in on Christmas Eve after one present and cookies and carrots being left out. Their little faces on the big day, big dinner, toy laden paths everywhere. I can still picture my son bouncing around the bedroom from bed to bed, singing Suzy Snowflake, the carefully written letters to Santa. I remember the year that my oldest busted her brother’s punching toy, and never told me it was her till years later. This house was always full.

I will still watch the radar for Santa. I will quote the Grinch and Elf. I still get excited when I see Santa, once in awhile you see a real one and I just wanna squeeze em and say thank you. Social media floods with all the Christmas photos, commercials get tender.. more streaming nowadays, I don’t see that many. I was rather disappointed that I was unable to get a normal Advent calendar. They made elaborate ones with bigger boxes and fancier chocolate. I like the old ones, just a nibble to keep track of the days. I do resist change, hoping not too much around Christmas changes. I have a huge donation pile going out. I love giving at Christmas! Sometimes it is a little lonelier at Christmas, be sure to see lots of people! Enjoy December !

Today’s the day that teddy bears have their picnic… no, no that’s not it. I will say it is good, in a tired way. Weekends are never long enough, but they have to work. I have been a machine lately, the flu has flown. I am extremely peppy, I love prepping for Christmas and that should keep me kicking till mid January. I have been in this livingroom for thirty three years. I can look at it and picture so many events! Lots of birthday parties, Christmas, visitors, the kids playing.. more than one generation. I remember when it never seemed clean or empty, now it mostly is, much of the time.

I remember when a bird came down the chimney, I remember neighbours gathered around the fireplace , when the power went out. I remember my mostly grown kids carrying the couch out to the curb, because it was junk and they thought it was time. I remember when it was peach, butterscotch and when it still had carpet. There were first steps, flu ridden kids, elaborate forts and many movie nights. It has been transformed over the years. Many members of my family have been here that are no longer with us and that is what homes hold. A visual journey in your mind.

Soon it will be a magical setting for Christmas, I like that. I am sure the cat will too this year. It has french doors so that might save it from my little pet terrorist. She was good last year, but she has the most energy in the house. I finally changed my analog clocks, so I feel like I gained another hour today. it was a good time to press pause and just feel and breathe. I have been really working on being kind to myself, self love is important too. Be sure to make yourself a priority.

Everything has been too serious lately. Leading to Christmas, I want a challenge. I want to do out of the ordinary. I have done personal writing, reading, workouts and photography challenges, usually about 30 days. I want this to go right on through to Christmas. I need some imagination stretching, I am bored. Maybe it should be a race, first one to complete 15 out of 30 challenges…. Some kind of proof, gets a gift card. Involve family or coworkers, maybe your text buddies. Little things that become the remember when stories!

Everyone makes ten suggestions, and then vote for the actual ones you will do. I asked hubby to do something like this when we were on vacation. Most extrovert person in the world declined. I used to be way more introverted than I am now, but this still appeals to me. Maybe because it is a challenge, maybe because it feels a little rebellious. The things chosen do not have to be over the top, just out of the ordinary. Like instead of a typical morning greeting, you say, “The air is colder down here.” I once got my niece to take a picture of me at the mall in the showcase with the mannequins. I don’t know, in the middle of a parking lot ask a stranger if the bus stops here?

Life is short, get out of the typical patterns and have some fun. Making plans to do your pedicure and attend events are fabulous. This challenge would cost nothing. Just a little edgy and different. Something to smile about later. You have an extra hour today, well it feels like it, so create some fun! What can you come up with?

This am the alarm went off at 6:30, hubby told google to cancel alarm and set new alarm for 6:30. She told him alarm set for 6:30pm, he told her again to set it for 6:30 am. It was great argument. I am half asleep, I glance at the digital clock and it says 5:30am. I tell hubby that the time has changed and to go check his phone… sure enough it is 6:30. A little while later he comes in and wakes be up to tell me the analog clock in the kitchen says the same time as his phone and that the time has not changed and it is Saturday. I lost an hour and a day already. I had talked to mom yesterday and she reminded me about the time change, and I even said that is a Monday problem. It actually is a Sunday problem, and I am already a day ahead?!

Time used to change in October and April, now it’s November and March. I mess it up everytime! I even said one spring it was going to spring back?? Fall back, Spring forward, gah! My son worked nights one year during the time change. He was done at 2, did I pick him up at 2 or 1? In the spring time change, two o’clock does not exist. We go from 1:59am directly to 3am. Am I the only one that gets confused? At least Google knows.

Happy time change! May your 5:30 am’s feel like 6:30 am. May your pets and kids not feel hungry at the wrong time and your adjustment be swift! Enjoy your extra light in the morning and earlier sunset. 🌅

Yo-Yo, most leaves are off the trees now, very effective mood shift. I realized that trauma does not have an age limit, 8, 18, 81. Things you never heal from and also don’t acknowledge, can pop out at any time. Triggers can be subtle, things you never thought of, weather, conversation, rejection. Bygones be gone and carry on. Now is the time to catch yourself. Figure out your “whys?” Or maybe, “What the hell is wrong with me?”

Why do we remember painful things? When I was a kid, I climbed up the monkey bars. We had a set in the schoolyard shaped like a dinosaur, sloping up from the tail. You could walk up them from the tail. Somewhere around the shoulders, I missed a rung and I went down through the bars hooking my diaphragm on the way through. Totally knocked the wind out of me and I laid on the ground trying to cry with no air. Took probably fifteen minutes to recover and school being out, no one was around. The air gets in and breathing is automatic function so it happens regardless. Another time I went sledding, Dad found a fantastic hill. Down I went, no clue how to steer, zoomed into the woods and slammed into a tree. Dad yelled if I was okay, and I hollered back that I broke my back. He carted me up the hill and off to emergency for six hours and an X-ray that showed a severely bruised tailbone.

You can get slammed with stuff all the time and call it near death. If you aren’t dead, automation kicks in, and you live to tell about it. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, so they say. Certainly makes us wiser or a least we might learn from our mistakes. Automatic body function is kinda like auto pilot, good thing it is built in. When in a crunch, comes in handy. The body does need fuel and appendages to carry out tasks. Family, friends, community are useful in the same representation. Use autopilot if you need to, but make use of whatever you can to get out of survival mode. No such thing as a surplus, your body is a sponge taking what it needs, don’t deprive yourself of that.

Mothers know things beyond the realm of understanding. My mom called me immediately after work and whispered things that only resonate with their children. They woo the things that only the two of you could ever know. I asked my son the other day if I ever told him about the story, “ and don’t you forget it?” He had not. At some point in time before I was eight, Mom and I went to a store in an unfamiliar area. A man was looming about this particular establishment, muttering to himself. He half followed us on our way in and loomed around us on the way out. His mutterings were low, but just before we got into the vehicle, he bellowed, “ And don’t you forget it!” What it was we were not suppose to forget, we were never told, but the phrase stuck. Several times over the years one of us would bellow to the other this same phrase. It locks us to an untold story, a puzzle we will never solve.

Mothers are like that, completing puzzles, sharing parts of stories that only we know. Half bits, whole bits, the only ones that know all of our untold bits. Mothering can be thankless, and hard, maybe even have us part ways. Travelling through our lives on alternate journeys. They do know us, feel that or not, it is okay. When I turned sixteen, Momma asked me if my bags were packed. Not the birthday greeting I expected for my sweet sixteen. I stared at her blankly until she explained my constant promise through the tough years of leaving at sixteen. Sometimes you horrify yourself when held accountable to your past.

Life goes on, growth happens, paths separate numerous times in our lifetimes. Families, divorce, death, illness all complicate our journeys all the time. Life is messy, perhaps you shut down, or maybe move on. Your focus is not focus but someone or something keeps you tethered. Celebrate every win, move past the negative. Somewhere in the dark, someone bellows… “And don’t you forget it” and it grounds you, brings you full circle to carry on.