Find The Root

I can be milling about, and be fully annoyed and can not figure out why. Just a mood that gets me stomping and muttering, out of no where. Everything has me rolling my eyes, not even trying to get past it. Maybe we need this, I am pretty sure it is a reset for me. It makes me bring focus back to myself. It usually stems from my own neglect. Putting off conversations, trying to organize for my day or an upcoming event. All the unsaid things that I never get out of my mouth. Then one day I wake up and I can not vocalize what I need, what I think, or even ask for help. No idea why? I can think through it, I just put everything aside for far too long. So instead of doing what I need , or saying what I am thinking, I am the peace keeper that I feel I need to be. I am not, I am not everything, there are parts that can be done by others. Control, letting it go, it is hard for me.

How do we get around all of this? Well you could try going for a drive and screaming really loud or punching a pillow repeatedly, pretty funny, can you imagine? Really you have to learn to talk, sounds simple enough. For me, I wait too long and have not gotten an exit pass from one set of obstacles before moving to the next set. I see the glass half full and think to myself, it’s fine, it will work out, no need to overthink it, and keep plugging through. I plan too much, I am my own cheerleader, I give myself permission to be excited, visualize how it’s gonna go. This is the exact same reason I don’t like change. My mind’s eye and reality don’t often meet. Do I lower my expectations? No, I got this, until I don’t.

I worry about, stressing other people out to my own detriment. I am human and I really need to take my own advice sometimes. Hubby is best at slaying the annoyed dragon. He can coax out all the words and start driving a hatchet into each obstacle. Then I have the best friends that listen, we sure need listeners. Sharing deeps and darks we need that, people know stuff, they have been through stuff, not telling you what to do, but what they did. It does take time to find these people, staying home and raising kids or working from home, you don’t have a lot of people to bounce your ideas off of. I hope you have someone in your corner that can do what you need to unleash all of it. People need people, even the fiercely independent ones.