Force

I think I’m back, the me that was me before. The pre Covid gal, well at least on the up days. I little more angry than the original gal, but the anger is fire, and the fire is strength, and the strength is inspiring. Maybe because it was warm, whatever, doesn’t matter. I feel a little claustrophobic, I drove in a snow storm, I have things I want to do, I feel I have control of my life. I am back in the driver seat. I developed a worry bucket, where they all go, and a time frame to think of them. Moving on!

My son and I were actually talking about a time he came to get his dad and I from the airport after a trip. It was a snow storm, and he had already driven in it to work and back. He picked us up and insisted on driving us home, safely behind a snow plow. I was recalling it with the crazy fear I had of the roads. He said, “ I had already been out and back and to get you guys was a one in four chance, I would have an accident, so 25%.” I hate numbers, but that was an aha moment. It was data, practical and a totally different perspective that has never, ever, entered my thought process. I am not a statistics person, took statistics, hated it.. but wow that was good. I don’t have an analytical brain. Mine daydreams, about accidents and misfortune, what ifs… but what if ….Not???

All my No’s are what ifs. My therapist solidified this when she said, “ It’s a shame you miss out because you worry about things that might happen, it’s not really a calculated risk.” I am being changed by numbers! Who knew??? I should know this! You can’t get cookies, if you don’t ask … like my motto is based on the 50% chance of getting a no?? I can’t even…. I have to reevaluate all my thinks, that I thought! I can’t believe that this stuff may be the key to a newer improved me!