I hope people listen when you speak. It’s nice to know people care about your opinions and value your input. The common mistake in communication is to create an environment and someone does not feel heard. Couples suffer from these mistakes often. Any communication can get to a lull and you have an answer before the words are finished being said. Kids are like that, they hear a question, their hand shoots up and they can not focus any longer because they are consumed by the question they want to ask. There is also the interjector, that needs clarification before the story can continue and the speaker loses their train of thought. As an observer I see that one a lot. I had a friend in high school, they were speaking before even four words were said in a conversation, robbing the story from its glory and making a complete jumble of the point.

The art of conversation is pretty valuable and we are losing it. It is a subtle decline but I think it exists. It is different across generations. Phones and internet model visual entertainment. My mom and I talk on the phone, my kids it is a mix of talk and text. The grands act like the phone is an option that they can ignore and stay silent. They like FaceTime! At least within our family when we are in a room together conversation is still something we can all manage. We still have times where show and share your favourite funny video takes place and everyone digs for their favourite.

We have come a long way from the party line and phones with the cord that you could stretch out across two rooms. I will say those phones were meaty and you could hold in the crook of your neck while you made supper and did dishes. I mean you can use the speaker phone, which gives no privacy to anyone. I hear more and more, that people see no one and a phone may be the only link to any conversation. Maybe it is the decline in family size, maybe it is the decline in family itself. I don’t know, my parents dropped in almost daily for tea and conversation, but I was their only child to drop in on. They came from big families and this was something that they were able to incorporate. It makes you wonder about times of horse and wagon and there was one annual trip to see the relatives. Sometimes, the further we come ahead, the more behind we are. I’d rather speak to your face, than your ears. I’d rather gauge tone from your expression than the one I assume from your hastily typed message.

I lost it for a bit, I let my setbacks win. Being sick for a week really got to me. I am not 100%, but I feel the climb back out. What are your best qualities? Can you maintain them in the face of pressure. I was so inside my brain, seeing only from my view point. My day, my weekend, my Thanksgiving. I do not run an empty house, this is not a solo show so my selfish self came out. I think it is self preservation, rely on me… I talk about the branches and I am the last one to reach them out. I know what I need, I have a heck of a time asking. Not because someone won’t but because it won’t be like me. I postponed Thanksgiving because I didn’t feel well enough to make it and then was upset that I didn’t have Thanksgiving, makes perfect sense!

My rants in my head were out of control. I saw the Happy Thanksgiving on the TV and that is when I shut it down, the rant, not the TV. My brain had the nerve to say to me, what do you have to be thankful for? Too far brain, you crossed the line, we don’t do that here. I am so over the moon thankful for everything in my life. My kids, hubby, grands, momma, friends, family and pets! Life is hard sometimes, someone else has it harder. You suffer from some flu, some don’t recover. You weren’t sleeping well, some people don’t wake up.

I needed to calm down and show some restraint. The me today is better than the me yesterday. I want to keep that forward motion, everyday better than the one before. Be the happy in someone’s day! It rained but it didn’t gloom and doom me today! May all of your tomorrow’s be better than your todays. Enjoy your leftovers! Fakesgiving next weekend for us!

I am battling the flu, it is holding on to me. I don’t want it, I am good at getting better, this one wants to fight. Now I am getting angry, maybe I’m exhausted. Being sick is a waste of time, wasting a whole weekend. It feels better then gets worse. Days sleeping, nights coughing, it has to go! I am doing all the right things and it is still here. Today, after I have a nap because I’ve been awake since 4:30, I am going to do something. I am leaving the four walls and getting fall air into me. I am speaking against it and getting back to normal. No more gallons of water and naps!

Usually I can water, lemon, honey, broth, vitamin C and nap my way out. I am done waiting, back to normal now please. I’m gonna do fall things today. All the windows are getting opened up and blowing the germs away. I’m gonna walk in crunchy leaves. I don’t have a tree, but there are billions of leaves on the ground. I want a pumpkin, and fall wreath. Fall is falling fast, one minute it was green and now leaves are on the ground. The flowers are trying to stay alive! It looks cold out so I need to find all the winter wear, that sounds exhausting. I am sweating, do I have a fever again….

Ugh, good night, I’ll try again later…

I have a delay switch, I tend to go on auto pilot to get through a dilemma and then shut down afterwards. Crisis brain always steps up, but the internal aftermath is a mess. Confrontations are another matter, brain shuts off, I become mute, until some secret reset button kicks in. Fortunately this is not daily life. You also need to remember that for plenty of people it is.

Where do these reactions come from? Not everyone meets misfortune the same. What keeps us on this earth when things get real low? Why do some bounce back but others just can’t? Is it built in or learned? I have three kids and each one deals differently since infancy. I would have to believe that some is built in and some is learned. I have been stubborn and had the long fuse since I was a toddler. The story has been told how I tried numerous times to get on the couch and every time I would almost get the second knee up, dad would tease and get me down. Mom said I went at it for awhile, half crying, half laughing. Finally after the last foiled attempt, I toddled off. I was not done, I grabbed an over turned toy box, picked it up over my head and came charging back to take out my teaser.

You learn a lot from kids, ever been to a birthday party or been at the park and just watch? High energy, leaders, controllers, laid back, sobbers… it’s all there. Human nature forming, if you are raising littles right now, take them out and see how they are coping. Give them tools to navigate with, you are a back up tool, but they need to do it alone too. My generation wasn’t big on feelings. Love yes, crying nope, anger at adults yikes. Every feeling is valid, teach them to be authentic with their feelings. Sometimes we just need to be heard and be done with it. To feel value, we need to be heard.

There is no prize, not physically. To keep your boat afloat there has to be a feeling of self worth. If you can’t at least do that, get out of the river, you are going down. Hard things are gonna be hard things. Some get easier and sometimes you just have to change your point of view. If you are failing at something, that is in the moment. Look back at your failures, they were just opportunities to learn more. You are not always going to get things the first try. We can learn to be okay with that. It’s the make up test that counts.

These times of need, reach out, a life line, a tutor, someone, anyone. Never be afraid to send out an SOS. Sail with someone else, let someone else be captain, or navigator. Fiercely independent can also mean stand alone. For Pete’s sake, delegate! It is so easy to get caught up in our challenges, wanting our success to be our own. Having help across a divide does not take away your success, falling in the crevice and not being able to escape is the end of the journey. There is no failure in trying.

Start where you are today. Feet forward, march, change up the beat. It doesn’t have to be solo or solemn. Add a breakdance move in the middle and a flip at the end. If you are worried about the performance, just smile. Stop judging yourself or thinking about others expectations. Do you, be happy, have fun!

Mental Health has finally being recognized as a priority. Events implement sensory times, workplaces are more forgiving and individuals are seeking help. The problem is the model set for our lives did not have mental health at the forefront. It still forces people to set themselves aside and continue. The work week was designed and the man worked, the women stayed home, Saturdays things were open, Sunday was rest. It is no longer like that, in most homes both parents have to work, there is shift work, a certain amount of days on and a certain amount of days off. If you’re ambitious you hustle to reach the top, some just hustle to buy groceries. Some people are working two jobs, some families are just one parent. The family, extended or otherwise was able to help. Now we just all work.

There is no daycare that can serve all these needs. There is no supports in place for single parents on night shift. There is no reduced work week, you need more, you work more. A life changing illness, a sick family member, a death, divorce, age, what then? These things happen and people need time to heal, deal, cope, recuperate. This things are not over after six weeks, three months. You can’t put time limits on dealing with yours or anyone else’s healing.

We are a sensitive nation. The tough exterior doesn’t fly, we are all soft inside. Not acknowledging ourselves leads to trouble in the future. You don’t know another persons sorrow, you don’t decide what is trauma to others. It isn’t all bad, the talk has changed, the steps are more inclusive. I don’t have a fix for any of it, I just think it needs to be said that we are far from where we need to be. Any move forward is a good move. There is a lot more work to be done. I can’t praise volunteers enough. People that give time to others is selfless. Time is a coveted commodity. Use it wisely and be gentle with yourself.

Everybody has to work. The end. I wish it wasn’t so, but it is the truth. Even retirees work, honestly no one can get away with doing absolutely nothing. I don’t think extreme bliss lies in doing zero things. You just don’t get paid anymore. I have many friends toe tipping into the retirement pool, not so many are sure they want to make the plunge. I am sure life is beachy but I am also sure there is way more beneath the surface that we think. You start asking questions and the answers are not what you may have thought they would be. There are big debates on the perfect age to join this elite group. The answers are so varied amongst people. The point is we don’t know, none of us have done it. Sure Aunt Clara said…. But Uncle Rick said that isn’t how it works.

Do you have a financial advisor? Anyone have a retired Mentor that can give you all the secrets to the universe? It is similar to the days of selecting college courses and choosing your life’s work. What if you choose wrong? Someone told me it all evens out at age 74 anyways. Someone else said, don’t collect any money for a full year after you retire. The masses say, it doesn’t matter, you can’t take it with you, or you could die before any of it. Then of course get your affairs in order, because nobody gets anything unless you have it documented and it just stays in the courts for others to fight about. No clue.

You could go at it with all your might, the future happens regardless. Sell everything and put all the money into a rental lease and when the money is gone, good luck! RRSP, TFSA, home equity, savings, someone is always gonna be in your pocket. There are pension tables in place to only distribute certain amounts per year or you get taxed more on money you were already taxed on. I think it is better to plan on how you feel, how you are coping doing your job. Some times you just know you are done. Aim for happiness that should be the goal. You shouldn’t head off into the sunset of your next stage, beat down and burdened. I am elated for anyone who has it all figured out. Cheers to your sunsets!

Six flocks of geese in two days! It is a tad bit early, winter stay away. I am weekday tired, I need fourteen hours of sleep. I have been careful to hit the hay and get eight hours, doesn’t feel like enough. How do I survive? One day at a time, my body says eat it, drink it, do it… I do, no matter what. That is the only option, keep on, keeping on. I have so many wheels in motion, I am a freight train at this point. I just have to keep it on the tracks. The cosmic interference is real, last weekend with the full moon and equinox, I was on fire. This week clouds and drizzle, put all the fire out. Nothing like a Friday to round it all off.

How do you get out of a slump, my body dictates and I seem to only take notes and have no answers. When you’re up, you’re up, when you’re down, you’re down. I am killing it at home, lots of cooking and baking, I feel like I am nesting for a child arrival. Scrubbing, floors, laundry, I might be burning the candle at both ends. It is all getting done, at what sacrifice? I’m not sure. I am trying, not taking up space, actively doing, that is a win, whichever way you dice it.

I have given myself some big goals and snail pace is still forward motion. I guess I need validation and feedback in some areas of my life. At least enough to know I am going in the right direction. I keep catching myself second guessing things, that is kind of backwards for me. A student of mine has a phrase I now use, “I am the queen! Listen to me!” Seems fitting. New mantra going forward. Life is your kingdom, be a good leader! Queens give good advice.

It takes a strong breed to stand alone. We are definitely capable of it, there is safety in numbers. That posse of people gives you strength, shoulders to lean on, ears to whisper to, someone to lift you when you are down. For some people it is power. “I belong,” is a great need for everyone. As quick as a posse forms, a scapegoat, a leader and followers emerge. That is how bullying is created. Preying on the insecurities of others, creating devastating and sometimes lifelong trauma.

Popularity comes at a price for many. Some just roll with it, if they walk away, they become a target. That is the mentality. Bullying is not always physical. Being excluded, targeting a persons looks, insulting and intimidating repeatedly is bullying and harmful. Often because it isn’t physical it is ignored by parents and adults involved with the bully. Sounds rosey until the tables are turned. Top of the food chain can switch in an instant. The topic of bullying creates divides. What bothers one child, can be ignored by another. A derogatory nickname, telling untruths to exclude or cause disharmony between people is something grown people will not ignore, but allow in kids as some sort of growing right of passage.

If someone treats you poorly we walk away from toxicity in our lives. That group mentality that you pine for your child to belong to, can also be the group that shoplifts, tempts your child to do things that would not be within the standards that you expect. We need to model behaviour to make changes in this world. We need to talk with our kids often and we need to take certain matters very seriously. Kids are committing suicide younger and younger. That is no joke. Kindness matters, respecting each other, and celebrating each other is needed to become awesome adults. Make a difference!

When others talk about red flags in a relationship, I still see from a glass half full. Oh those selfish people, bossy people, demanding people.. have you ever been one? What would necessitate such behaviour? The people that brag, maybe they came from nothing? The cynical people… what is the back story? That is what I like to know. I am sure I have been every adjective at least at one point in my life. Some interactions just don’t mesh well. A friend of mine was described with absolute disdain by one person, yet held in high regard by others. Perhaps we should see which red flag we evoke in others. Do we treat everyone the same. At what point in someone’s life did you meet them?

I know when my father passed away, I was gonna live it up because days were numbered. I know when my Grandkids arrived, I was gonna slow down because I wanted to be around. Life is like that. I am strong willed and independent because life can be sink or swim. I know my heart is mushy, because I grew babies beside it and I want the world to be a better place. I can be nasty because I spent time pushing myself to the back burner. I am not one or the other, I am all of it. Wrong person, wrong time, circumstances it all plays a part.

I need to personally see the trait or behaviour to decide about someone else. I won’t take your word for it. Well I would consider your opinion of course and maybe narrow my vision, but I look for whys. My red flags are typically severe. I have been told I am not a good judge of character, maybe that’s true. I would consider mean people as red flags. People that are condescending to others without a second thought. Not one person is better than another, nothing gives you that status. I think everyone should stand together. I think we all need to look for the good, bring out the good and always strive for better.