We had a barbecue today, we used to barbecue all the time in the winter. Something about steak in February is quite appealing. I have made so many new things lately. Mushroom Bolognese, cabbage roll soup, roasted balsamic carrots, cauliflower rice and bacon carbonara. All new and the boys are all in. I get bored of food so quickly. I am horrible for skipping meals when I get busy doing other things. I still have days when it is grilled cheese or scrambled eggs. When the grands come over, it is pretty much short order cooking to appease everyone.

January always seems so long. It always feels good when it is over, but winter is not. I wanna get out of here but I feel trapped. I’m coming down with something. I was writing this last night and hubby woke me up and I had two lines of r’s. It feels extra cold, but perhaps that is just me. The groundhog did not see his shadow, I sure hope he is right this year. Winter really has been okay. It is the cold that gets me. We had snow last week and it was beautiful and mild. The temperature dropped and its bite makes me bitter. I will try to lower my expectations for February, and hopefully won’t be disappointed.

My get up and go has got up and left and that is okay. Today can be a five hundred gallons of water, vitamin C and ginger ale kind of day. I guess the r’s were my reminder to rest, relax, repair. Although I feel like it is for ruin my day. Far worse things in life, I should refrain from these random r thoughts. I just got up, I think I will have a nap. Maybe the day can be salvaged with a do over.

It is so easy to zoom around and neglect yourself. Last couple of years have presented some challenges that warped the priorities or lack of them. I realized I was neglecting myself, but at least I was on my list. However my pets took me by surprise and it was only recently that I had enough brain space to analyze and process some information.

Last year after what I call the Christmas crunch, I scrutinized my bills. I made changes as I always do. My dog food, that my dog had since she came home with us had skyrocketed an extra forty dollars. On principle that all things were going up in price, I set out to make changes. I found some food that was twice in size and the original price of the food I had been getting. It lasted forever! Done and done! What I lost sight of, was that I had chosen a high end brand because our previous dog grew up on dog food and every table scrap. She had a great 13 years, grew up with the kids, kids waste food, win, win. I always had a little dig in the back of my mind, that nine hundred pounds of discarded crusts robbed her of some time with us. This dog was going to be different.

Last March our dog got a hot spot, she had been to the groomers and hubby and I went on a holiday. Got cream, carry on. Her best friend, our cat, died in June, hot spot grew again. Maybe it was the grooming? Maybe it was stress. She got a bladder infection, her nose was dry and actually became rough. She was lame, sore shoulder… did she fall? Then she got type one diabetes, I went back to work and more hot spots! She had not been to the groomers, but I did wash the floors, maybe it was the cleaner? Maybe the new kitten? My neighbours dog had made the change to the same dog food, I did. Her dog had skin allergies and then since October developed bladder infection, after bladder infection. After speaking to a co worker about my suspicions on the floor cleaning, hot spots and google consultations and images, it hit me, the dog food. My coworker told me of a Canadian made dog food, good for all breeds. This food no colour, no additives, less carbs, more protein, pricey. Bought a small bag, changes right away. Told my neighbour, I got a big one and she did too. We are a week in and officially have changed pets. Huge oversight, so glad for the changes in my pet. Save money on food and huge vet bills… rather spend money on the food!

Some days it is just a big slap stick comedy. Listening on the outskirts of the blah blah, picking up tidbits, not really part of a conversation. I heard some kids discussing a blend of Among us, fortnight and video games. The characters they were playing with were, well killing each other. I went to intervene, and one kid said to the other that it was okay because the game had reset and everyone was alive again. I was glad for the life bargaining, but still an icky game.

Same group of kids yell time out just before getting tagged to be it. Some kids just lose it when they have to be it. Seems to be a lot of cardiac arrest games in the playground this year. I wonder if they are watching the same show I do at night? Pokémon is still a huge thing, and the powers evolve with the rules and I still don’t get it. I don’t know if someone is cheating, I don’t know much about them. I know a few characters from old Pokémon and that is about it. I also had an in depth conversation about whether Spider-Man could beat Mario. I get to hear about Hockey tournaments and dance recitals. Kids show me their newest gymnastic moves and sing me their favourite songs. Kids had to clap to a song today and then complained about how tired their arms were.

I will say, kids love to be heard. They want a grown up to listen. They want to share. They tell you all of their woes. They ponder, they want to know why the moon is in the sky in the morning, why the schoolyard lights magically turn off, when winter will be over and my favourite… what time is it? A hundred times! One child did count to sixty, ten times in a row to see if it really was when the bell would ring. I know because I was the audience. Kids are amazing little humans!

I think it was our 26th anniversary we went to Partridge Island. It was forty five minutes just to cross the breakwater. It was a sensational adventure. We saw one person at the lighthouse, a power worker I think, but the rest of the island was ours. It was filled with history and remnants of another time and place. I hear you can kayak there but not suppose to be there, fun! There were buildings without guardrails that you could look out from. Many headstones to mark people of yesteryear. We read all the history we could before going over. It was a day trip, we had brought food and water. It is one for the books. Only wildlife we saw was one raccoon on the way back across the breakwater. It was one of my favourite hikes.

I must say when we do a random unique thing on our own, it is always memorable. Hope to get back to that this year. We once ventured to the coal mines in Nova Scotia. We headed to Cape Breton and had many encounters with Moose. Simple things like the Doaktown suspension bridge and Tidnish lift lock. A mill in St. Stephen and the old ferry crossing to PEI. We love history, we did the same with the kids. Even if things don’t go so well, it is remembered with a laugh. One on one or group activity, it is good to get out and away from the same four walls. I am not ready to give this stuff up.

Adventure is waiting to get out from this blanket and do something. I think I will name my next pet adventure, so I can holler the word adventure all the time. I still got some wandering left in me. Yoga is helping my stump feet, ( killing my hands) but I will get toughened up soon enough. Face to the sun! Can’t wait!

I woke up a tad too early, so much for sleeping in yesterday. The cat woke me up, she figured that my hair flying around with the fan was a toy. I kicked her out of my room, but I am awake. I thought to myself, okay I will get up and enjoy the solo time, there is no solo time with pets. The cat thinks I should feed her and is meowing loudly. Apparently my hair is her new toy, she is sitting behind me batting me in the head. The dog also feels it is time to eat and keeps moaning and jump starts anytime I move. When I do get off this couch, I know the dog will race ahead to her dish and the cat will trip me everytime I go to step, to remind me she needs food as well. I am tired but will not be able to go back to sleep.

They are both on a schedule, but me getting out of bed early has clearly messed that up. Ignoring the dog not an issue, my cat, not so much. She is like a child, can’t get my attention, she turns to bad behaviour. She has taken the magnets off the fridge, digging at a plant, zoomed both levels of this house twice and pounced on the dog at least four times. She likes to do this when she is ignored. If I go out she doesn’t get into stuff, she likes to do it in front of me. My poor dog has 3 hot spots in the last month. Had to put a cone on her, got her spray and I am changing her food. She reminds me of the old RCA record logo. Kudos if you know what that is.

My pets are finally friends. The dog is no longer terrified of mini oven mitts and the cat actually goes to the dog in a kind way, instead of practicing her jab and right hook. If I am scolding the cat, the dog will come over and stomp her feet at her to keep her attention. My dog could easily take her out, she is a full grown lab, but she was raised by my old cat and has zero aggression for any family member fur or otherwise. Right now, they both are sawing logs, must be nice. Good time to feed them, so they know their antics didn’t affect the process.

I have papers everywhere, I might have some attachment to them. I got myself a password book, between passwords and authentication I would have no room left in my head. I also write myself reminders in my phone or appointment until I get them in my calendar. I have faith that I will know what things mean when I look at them. I have dates scribbled here and there and the mystery is what it may have been for. Not a perfect system, but I do at least put them all in the same place.

Ideas come at any moment, so jotting them down in my phone to recall later is really helpful. A title, a realization, something cute I heard.. all good stuff. Today I decided to discard the used up things in my phone notes. What in God’s green earth is, “Be e no we” some cryptic jargon I am suppose to know? I do know in a grade four class I was in, there was a few books we read that had some passages to decipher. Maybe one of those? I hope so, because I have no clue. If any of my teacher friends know, let me off the hook!

I came across some Latin, or I assume they were, words. I looked it up on google and they are flowers. Google didn’t know the, “Be e no we”, I have measurements, for what, I don’t know, book titles, show names, pictures and places to go. Half of it is gone, moved to hard copy somewhere else. Made myself some rules for creating notes and going forward, maybe I will avoid the confusion. Slept in today and late coffee, so maybe I am not fully awake yet.

I think I’m back, the me that was me before. The pre Covid gal, well at least on the up days. I little more angry than the original gal, but the anger is fire, and the fire is strength, and the strength is inspiring. Maybe because it was warm, whatever, doesn’t matter. I feel a little claustrophobic, I drove in a snow storm, I have things I want to do, I feel I have control of my life. I am back in the driver seat. I developed a worry bucket, where they all go, and a time frame to think of them. Moving on!

My son and I were actually talking about a time he came to get his dad and I from the airport after a trip. It was a snow storm, and he had already driven in it to work and back. He picked us up and insisted on driving us home, safely behind a snow plow. I was recalling it with the crazy fear I had of the roads. He said, “ I had already been out and back and to get you guys was a one in four chance, I would have an accident, so 25%.” I hate numbers, but that was an aha moment. It was data, practical and a totally different perspective that has never, ever, entered my thought process. I am not a statistics person, took statistics, hated it.. but wow that was good. I don’t have an analytical brain. Mine daydreams, about accidents and misfortune, what ifs… but what if ….Not???

All my No’s are what ifs. My therapist solidified this when she said, “ It’s a shame you miss out because you worry about things that might happen, it’s not really a calculated risk.” I am being changed by numbers! Who knew??? I should know this! You can’t get cookies, if you don’t ask … like my motto is based on the 50% chance of getting a no?? I can’t even…. I have to reevaluate all my thinks, that I thought! I can’t believe that this stuff may be the key to a newer improved me!

It was a warm spring day, in the winter. Woke up to a snow storm, removing layers after lunch. You think you’re confused! I knew it was gonna snow, you could smell it the night before, plus I had a pressure headache. I still have a headache, so more weather is coming. The moon is low and full, and I didn’t feel it this month. That new snow has hidden the ice, and although I have toasty warm boots, they have no grip. I don’t know how many times I caught myself today! I just threw away my socks since every time, I changed footwear they were around my toes, and for me that is about eight times a day. Bye Bye socks! You will not be missed!

The warm temp was an absolute delight. Why can’t it stay? My plan brain was working, probably thawed out! I was outside a lot and I will sleep good tonight. It isn’t time to say good bye to winter, but at least today we were friends. Most of the time, I just mumble I hate winter. She sticks her tongue out and I give her the finger. I’m sure I will regret the flannel sheets tonight, but the fan will be on. I’m as moody as Mother Nature. I’m sure it’s an age thing for both of us.

I have Yoga and Pilates lined up for February. I am leaving it to me to lead. Usually I can do 30 days, when I leave things for myself to get motivated, 30 days is a good goal. I love Yoga, I usually take it on three times a year. Pilates, I have never done, I feel intrigued by the wall Pilates challenge, I am going to try. Stuff I can do at home and get me through the longest short month. Having a strong core is important for balance, apparently with all this sliding… I need it. Movement is good for your mental health too, so that is my next step. Thank you January 24/24 for being a hopeful day!

This time of year in school is the time you see huge changes. Most rewarding time of the year. There is new material to implement because great leaps have been made. I remember for myself, my own journey in school and the aha moments that came about when you finally get something. It is not all academics, personal growth, expectations and self awareness are just as important. Having a consistent predictable routine breeds understanding in all parts of our life. It is always better when you don’t see it coming, each challenge is met with clear goals. Then out of nowhere it just fits and large puzzles are solved and goals are met. Gotta love when a plan comes together.

I went to an extra curricular event outside of school. Many previous students were in attendance. Middle school starts at grade five, when you see students that have moved on from our school in a different setting they can make you feel like a celebrity. You may get the weary adult eyes trying to place you and why their child is so delighted in your presence. The older they get the more they steer clear of you, like you never met. I always meet their enthusiasm with equal attention. Many of my start up students have finished school, so when you see a bearded man addressing you like a long lost friend, you may need to scramble to place a baby face on that grown up.

I now have children of children, my kids grew up with. One event with parents and that is one that makes me feel real old! Grown ups that ask about Gramma because that’s what they all called my mom. That one, whew always a surprise! No really, it is just a matter of time, and those kids will have kids. I have been doing this job long enough, that the very first class I ever worked in, have graduated. Actually nine of the sixteen classes I have been in, have graduated?! That blows me away! When my grands are done, I hope to be too. In the meantime, I will enjoy the laughter and banter of all the little minds learning and playing, enjoying the journey every step of the way!

Nothing like dance music to put youth into your life. Catchy music play lists change everything. I played name that tune on YouTube one evening with my son and even with the generation gap he knew a lot of the songs. We played a Disney movie version and he had me beat, he had it a bit faster than me! Music really is timeless, and transports you elsewhere. It definitely gives you power, well it feels like it does. It evokes emotions, memories, feelings. There are not too many types of music I don’t like. Must be fascinating to be a DJ. To build up people with just a few notes and mixes and then just power it into a song.

Something I never get to do enough is dance. Oh my I love to dance! Not just at home, but I don’t know of too many places. I could dance for days with the right music blaring! I love to watch dance as well. The shows with modern interpretation dance that just makes you feel! Cultural dances in other countries when we go away always pull me in. Knowing that I love it, music, dancing, singing and yet I always seem to side step it. Maybe because I like it loud, although in the summer it is always on. Just writing about it makes me smile and here I am in complete silence??

Music is kind of like reading, once it starts I don’t want to stop. It is my missing element, so another pledge to myself, headphones and music daily! My playlists are huge! I still have records and a record player, I hate CD’s. Maybe I will have a party! There, that’s a plan! Girl goals! Something to look forward to, hmmm, yes… it has been a long time. Wow, a whole bunch of fun just flooded into my head! I gotta go!