Raising kids is exhausting! Kids are fun and if they are not, you are doing it wrong. Not 100% truth, just my view point. They will wear you down, quicker then you can wear them down. I like allowing kids to be kids. There are times to be the jailer and have the stern voice and commanding eyes, but be sure to have fun. Get to know your child, really talk to them. We used to go for walks or drives and talk, sometimes you have to fit it in between sibling fights and a nap! If you just listen they have a lot to say, and be sure to ask why. Age of course matters, but the little ones can tell a story or talk about a family member for sure. They love to talk about Grammie or their cousins. They can tell you all about their favourite store or the best treat. At school they talk about what makes mom mad, how many video games they played and why their brother or sister is a pest!

I always ask what was the best thing about the week end? My grands used to come over and tell me about all the ways they had been wronged by friends. I always ask for the good, there is enough bad to last a lifetime and it is probably a good enough time to teach them to focus on good things in their lives. My kids are grown and love when I hear from them and it is happiness I hear. I was out once with my husband and a large group. One person had a whole lot of drama they were living with, it was almost over share. Finally a mutual friend that may have had a few wobbly pops blurted out, “don’t you have any nice stories?” Really though? It is true, tales of woe can start to fill all the spaces in a conversation, and when I started paying attention to my own conversations, I did it too. I would start conversations with some sad headline I had heard, and it was my youngest at home, that pointed it out. Hubby and I would see each other after our work days and start into to icky parts of our day, no wonder kids do it!

Joyful journaling or uplifting conversations for everyone! That is what we need! It is easy to wallow, observe for a bit, yourself, family members, gathering with friends. You are not horrible if you find you do it. You don’t have to change if you don’t want to. Those low and sad things, rest heavy on this empathetic heart, it stays with me longer than I need them to. Don’t get me wrong, I still rant, I girl grump, but I try to catch it. I got a happiness list book and if I were Oprah, everyone would get one! Could you imagine being surrounded by positivity or even increasing it by ten percent. Can you imagine surrounding our families in positivity? Just notice, listen to those around you, it helps if you know what you are regularly exposed to, your environment could be poisonous to your peace!

I like quiet, see inside my day and the noise is deafening! So how do I drown it out? Essentially that is what I do, a repetitive scrape or click can make me nuts, but ruckus and large and long noise can be absorbed and forgotten. Sudden noises always scare me! On one hand I seem to have bad nerves, then the next I can go for the long haul in chaos. I have a friend that can not stand the quiet. It makes her uncomfortable. Many people sitting together not speaking feels awkward to her, I am quite comfortable there. I see no problem with people sharing parallel space in calm silence. You can feel energy in this space, you can feel emotions stronger. Maybe that is why reading it so much more than a movie, you read it in silence, you bond with characters, you inhale the mood of the story. I have been driven to heavy, ugly crying while reading faster then any show! I still cry watching movies, but it feels like, you just have to look away to avoid the emotions. I have some people in my circle that hate those parts and will do something loud and outrageous so they can disassociate from the sad scene. When the tough gets going, they just get out of there.

I don’t understand the loud. When not in a group setting, it is nails on a chalk board, grating! I would pay attention to someone faster with grandiose movements than the shrilly, commanding noise. If everyone was a mime, that is my kind of attention seeking that I could respond to. A public settings, a restaurant or salon with someone speaking to someone beside them about the fight at the club or the recent bout of flu in their home for everyone to hear, I don’t get it. I probably shouldn’t know that much about a stranger. It seems to be open season for respond to strangers. I even notice in the classroom kids calling out during a short animation on the screen. I couldn’t imagine what they would be like at a movie. People are not private anymore, adds dimension I guess.

Public debates are also the norm, I have observed more weigh ins from random people than before. Even caught myself! I don’t like that, being invited into a conversation is far better. I don’t know what healthy arguments are, that definition has changed with the rest of it. Last man standing after being shamed from your opinion, seems to be the new normal. A group of friends were talking about cyber bullying, but if their children carry on like they do, well nothing is going to help! Be kind all the time, all we can hope for until some kind of unwritten guidelines are established. I try not to be so surprised with these changes, but just when you get use to one thing it evolves again. We got one different kind of generation coming up, the technological advances will be huge. Just want to be sure we keep our humanity!

We’ll weather, the weather, whatever the weather, whether we like it or not. Minus forty six with the windchill, I’d rather not. It is business as usual, praying that it will be spring when this is over! I am cold right now, I have one child floating in the Caribbean, and one just texted to say the power is out! Too cold for that! I have fallen asleep twice today, I am in full hibernation mode! Really this winter has been kind until now. Stores were half full this morning during errands. Not a soul outdoors, nor should there be!

It is a new day today, it is amazing what a shower, a breakfast made by my husband, and eating with my two men this morning does. I am sitting in front of my Happy Light now, might need sunglasses and I am laughing at the absurdity of it. I can hear my husband and son playing Yahtzee, my son is winning apparently, according to the shouts. My husband is so competitive I am surprised he doesn’t cheat. He would just have to tell my son that his roll was nothing. I can tell he hates to tell him when he gets Yahtzee! They enjoy it even if my son does win! Who knew that Yahtzee would be the game of choice for the blind, so much more of a game of chance when you have to trust your apponent to tell you what you have rolled. This winter is different, one that was built to tear us to shreds, has changed us to depend on each other so much more. Learned a lot about myself, and I am not invincible, I do need others for my survival, who knew..

Just control what you can, coping skills kick in, you can do this. Our space is always going to be invaded about the outside world, you can’t block everything. No one else can feel your feelings. You have to let others in and help. I always say, “Ask for cookies” and the most important part of that is….take the cookies. We can help ourselves, sure we can! Sorry to say, you have to admit… I need you! It is not a fault to need someone. Someone that shelters you, or covers you a little bit from some of the stuff coming down on you. At the very least listens, all the things you need to say out loud, even the things you don’t want to hear come out of your own mouth. Don’t give up, and if you are someone’s someone, don’t let them give up on themselves. We have a lot to learn and we are worth it and we are here to stay.

After 35 years I find myself rolling back the timelines to pinpoint definitive changes. Not life changing but things that happened within my life time that marks better. There is always stuff that stalls building from the ground up and I would like to note that these are important peaceful times that just slow things down. Not everything that prevents change is bad. Raising children, being a partner and being present in your relationship is work, rewarding work, not obstacles. In the beginning getting your feet rooted takes time. Then feeling safe in that garden lets you relax into building from there. There was a time when we would move and it always seemed to happen after the last box was unpacked and then we would pack it all up and make a change, moving on to another spot. When we first moved in our current home, I was apprehensive to unpack the last box, it remained taped for two years so as not to jinx it!

Remodelling and renovating was put off for additional years, there were kids to grow, there was places to see, there was always something. We were busy people, functional space surrounded us so it made no difference. We were discovering the world with our kids. Our kids were our first priority. Somewhere along the way, our choices for our home became purposeful. Items were selected, based on functional and practical, paint colour became our choice instead of the childhood flavour of the week. When I shop, I like to touch things, feel the texture, check for softness, see if it stirs up happiness, especially after the Covid Cootie years. I like pretty things, natural things! I like to surround myself with items that I truly love. I have clutter places in my home, mostly tucked away. Almost like that taped box from the first years. Stuff I don’t need immediately, but also can’t part with.

I think I am selective because number one it doesn’t hold value, like the people that actually make our space the home. When this place is filled with our loves, that is the time the heartbeat can be felt, the echoes of the past and glimpses of the future peer out at us. The house is alive, you will miss that! Not for lack of intention, full time jobs, winter, sports, quality time within their own families, various work schedules, lack of planning. It happens, it is always easier when the weather gets better. Maybe I can bottle it with the berries and preserves, to store for the cold dark days. I can open a bottle a day in the winter, one on my bedside table for nightly talks to Momma. One for my sons room so he can gab with his sisters all day long. One on the dinner table so we can all be together in that space. Winter might be getting to me a little bit today, can you tell? Tomorrow is another day closer to spring!

If life were simple, nodding would suffice as affirmation to a question. It isn’t though, it goes in through the ears, into the brain, gets the gut response, then it has to wallow through all the negative and positive emotions that follow through the scenarios that play out in your mind. For me it does anyways, before it was based on what others thought of me or even if they thought of me at all. Now, not so much, I know my trials, my life is bigger than what you see, most people’s lives are! Multidimensional, the ultimate 3D puzzle! Think what you like, you do not wade down my path, nor do I wade down yours. The funny thing is, when you get into someone’s life details, it is so surprising what they are actually living with every day. No matter what you think, no one has it easy! One of my close friends growing up had it all, looks, money, brains, never studied for anything, but was she happy? That is the million dollar question, happiness is a hot commodity!

Things can happen in your life, early on or even later, that impact everything else. These reactions may not happen right away, sometimes they are triggered. You have no idea what triggers or even motivates some people! You may not even know what they are for you. Happiness can not be bought, this so true, people reach for more and more, but have nothing. If we were all stripped down without the life lessons or experiences, maybe our reactions would be the same. Alas we are not and you should not wager on how someone will receive you. Not judging a book by the cover spills over to humans as well. Believe me, the whole human race is judge and jury on every one they meet regardless. My hope is that people will form an opinion on actually interacting with someone, and maybe even on the third or fourth meeting. If I can give a restaurant a second chance, surely we can give people one too!

This also shines a light on us as well. So quick to judge those that form quick opinions. They have layers too, they may have things they suffered that you have no knowledge of. Perhaps they have a history of being judged harshly, or not judged at all, so they have nothing to measure themselves against. This goes back to the saying that babies don’t come with a manual. If reading people was so easy, there would be no mental illness, anguish, anxiety or depression. Some people don’t even give any thought to what makes them tick, and sometimes it is the ticking of the clock that makes us dive into ourselves. So many stages in your life, at some point you do need to focus on yourself. My wish for you, is that you find what makes you happy!

I sit at the back of the room, I like seats that face the space, I am creeped out to have my back to the unknown. My vantage point, I see plenty. From this spot I see the manners, the respect, celebrations, the struggling, and can insert myself where needed. Lately I have been witness to the silent. Do you ever watch an infant when their parent come into view. Some reach, some squeal with delight, some of the firsts are in-chase of the favourites, parents are in that category, right up there with food! Catching candid moments of this bond, this yearning is adorable. My son as a toddler, would stand at the screen door awaiting his Daddies arrival. He would bounce when he came into view, hollering “Hi!” over and over!

Much like these affectionate moments, we catch glimpses of the not so nice, usually just a small snippet of character. No one likes to be caught being unkind. I once went around the corner when I was a teen to take the subway and interrupted a couple arguing. The man was not so kind, and he had a firm hold on the woman and dropped his hands and stepped back as I came around the corner.. leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Now little kids, sticking out their tongue at another, but then are hugging the same child within moments, they hold nothing in, lacking impulse control. The meanest thing they come up with is the infamous Birthday Party invite, even if their party was yesterday. The problem solving is not complex.

I work in special education and I love it. I love the real authentic child without the filters. The one that yells out their feelings, especially the happy feelings, so infectious. When hugs really count, when a Kleenex is a clean up and start over prompt! When success is a high five and a sticker. When they hear that is great so much, that they repeat it to those they feel have done their best. When your repeated praises are now the ones they say. One that really got me in the feels was a little one, that constantly held his hand out when his bus mates got off the bus to go to the middle school. The ones exiting the bus could not see his reaction, as they were on their way off the bus. But you know when a hockey player puts the puck in the net and skates off and does the ching ching arm movement in celebration? That is the motion he did in his seat after any kid gave him that simple high five. That was his accomplishment and he celebrated every time, without anyone even knowing. I love all of it!

Ever notice how children turning three will stutter? Their minds race with all they know and what they wanna say. Add expanding vocabulary and they stammer with explanations, stories and responses. We are in part to blame. They mumble and fumble and we just want to problem solve, let’s face it, fix it and move on. There are dinners to make, other children to tend to, an appointment to get to, the list never ends! Maybe get them to pause and then and get down to their level and hear them! Listen with all of you, your eyes, a steadying hand, make a connection. They just want to be heard.

Kids do not rush, we tell them what to do constantly and how to do it. Sometimes the speed of these requests are the only thing they can control. Once you give control back to them, most comply so much faster. I know, I like me some control! Independence will do that to a person. We are in a big rush to get them grown, when they become independent we get some time for ourselves again. Some people still believe that children should only be seen and not heard, that they should only speak when spoken to. You know the ones, they raised perfect kids, and tell stories about how they made their grown child cry at the last family dinner.

Micro managing things is too much! They are miniature people, don’t devalue them. Don’t let others devalue you them either! Step around them in a line, like they aren’t there. I would allow my kids to purchase something and watch from a distance. Social skills, wait your turn, ask for what you need, count out money..make mistakes. Unfortunately there are people out there that are annoyed with kids, demand respect, and do not give respect. They need to learn how to deal with that too, with respect. Have their backs, when they deserve it, and accountable for what they do. Kids are the hardest thing to grow!

I have always wanted things to be even, my brain says you need to distribute evenly. When renovating or decorating two makes more sense. It doesn’t but in my mind it does. Symmetry is visually appealing to me. That is how I see it with inanimate objects, now add people. I work in a huge class with a ton of kids. I had three kids of my own. Nothing symmetrical in either of those situations. I think if you give what is needed, when needed that helps achieve equality among groups.

Your presence is always essential, but someone is always in the light. When you are recognizing the one in the light and at the same time you are trying to drive the ones in the shadows out to reach their potential, that creates the balance. It’s like making a huge dinner for a large group of people. Some have food sensitivities, some will not eat certain foods, someone is arriving late. The older ones like traditional food, the younger ones have issues with how things touch on the plate. You are the conductor, the orchestra is huge, you start low, bringing in each section of the strings, winds into the presentation. You raise the music up and bring it back down to the close of the song. The meal is the same, you know which vegetables take the longest to cook, you know what can appease the nibbles until the meal is ready and you have the best dessert to end the meal.

It is the ability to to give to those that need the most at the time, that creates a uniform space. It’s hard to learn that “the same” is not balance. Also, “not the same” is not unfair. The spectators are always screaming about how others are being treated different, that there are favourites. It is so easy to watch from the outside and say things are not equal. To recognize needs and soothe them when required is balance. To stabilize the balls in the air is to keep things even! It is the unbiased that can see the value of this skill.People love to point out when you drop the ball! They love to compare and criticize, even if they have never juggled! We need to shut that down, we have people we pay to judge. They are the only ones who have the right to. You need to turn deaf ears on your critics. Maybe hear them, but recognize they may not be right! That their criticism is not coming from a place of love.

My fuse goes on for days, it stretches around furniture and goes out one window and back in another, it goes up and down the stairs, behind the sofa, you get the point? It takes awhile for me to blow a gasket. Sure I get miffed, annoyed, ticked, but real angry takes awhile. Mostly I stuff it in the couch cushions and sit on it for awhile, so that it gets hot and bubbly and is no longer contained. It’s rare, it doesn’t serve me well, I find stone cold anger gets more results, unlike uncontrolled fury.

I believe assertion is more valuable than aggression. Let’s face it, not much is accomplished when you lose control. How can you advocate for anything in that state? Angry people just make more angry people or scared people. Just not helpful! I talk, maybe not in the moment, but take it in and then talk it out. I also clam up, when everything is loud and angry, my brain turns off. It is an old coping strategy, might as well fight or argue with a dish rag. I say nothing, I can not think. Mostly I want to leave, part of me wants to duke it out. I was a true, flight, fight !

Maturity is a good thing! Deep breaths, shake it off, move away for a moment, stay silent for a minute. Then try again, it’s a good thing to teach kids. Breathe, vent, move on. You can not change anyone or anything except you. Worry about that person, number one! Anger serves no one, solves nothing. Reactions need to be kept in check, response is where it is at! Make sure the response is respectful and made with love!

Do you know how many things I have missed out on because of fear? I am not afraid of spiders, snakes, heights or being alone. I am afraid of the unknown. I like to know how things work, I like to be in control of my environment. I base my decision before I even try. Sometimes there is just no rhyme or reason to it.

I have zip lined across a river more than once. One of those times, I had to be rescued because I didn’t make it all the way and stopped short of the platform. I thought it was awesome and would do it again! I hate riding on the back of a four wheeler, I will not jump off a bridge into water. I can go up in the CN tower, I will hike or swim in underground caves. My rationale buttons seem to be askew. Terrified of riding a horse, but will hold reptiles and pet wild animals. I really don’t get it.

It is all fine, we are who we are! For me, it is the regret, the lost moment. I know some of my stuff is irrational, but some is just fear itself. I actually worry more when I watch others do stuff. My daughter is an awesome mom, when her daughter gets nervous she just simply states, “You are gonna regret it.” That is what I need to remember, if it is not a deadly deed, just do it. I have always wanted to go on one of those four wheel water bikes or a Catamaran, opportunity has come and gone. I regret it, I need that do over! My brother in law was gonna take me on his Harley! Backed out, missed out, regret it!

For me I think I need to make the decision. No pestering, no boss or insisting. If someone said, I am gonna do this on __ day, join me? Then let me have time to decide, with no influencers, I would have a better chance of saying yes. Some things, just saying them in my head is a huge screaming No! I know that I will get out on a catamaran and a Harley. I also know that I will never jump off a cliff into the water below. I also know, never say never!